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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Help with DH's 'hangxiety'

106 replies

EmmaWB · 31/10/2018 13:23

My DH has been on a lads weekend and as you would expect got very drunk. He left the group to stumble back to the hotel but has had a memory lapse. Whilst I am 100% confident nothing happened, his anxiety is making him think all sorts of bad things could have happened. I'm talking being spiked, mugged, having an affair. I think it is just his fear of not knowing, but he wants to get a sexual health check. He woke up in his clothes and has nothing to suggest he had been up to no good. Not sure how to feel about this. Anyone out there have any advice or been in a similar position?

OP posts:
Shazafied · 31/10/2018 13:29

I’m sorry but I’d be suspicious. Why if he has no reason to believe he cheated, does he need to go to the gym clinic ?! Why does he think he might have done ?!

Shazafied · 31/10/2018 13:29

Gum clinic !

Shazafied · 31/10/2018 13:29

Also surely he’d know if he’d been mugged ?!!

teaandtoast · 31/10/2018 13:31

Do STDs show up that fast?

hiddeneverything · 31/10/2018 13:33

Oh the fear. It's good your dh can confide in you about it!

userxx · 31/10/2018 13:37

Christ, he really has got the fear. Horrible feeling.

MissMalice · 31/10/2018 13:41

Sounds like he’s getting his story straight before the truth comes out to me

MeanTangerine · 31/10/2018 13:43

My reading of your OP is that he's got quite significant anxiety issues and has had for some time. What help is he getting for those?

In that context, getting an sti check etc - when there is nothing to suggest that he might need one - sounds like reassurance-seeking. In this case, its likely that going through the whole process of getting checked, waiting for results, etc, will just produce more anxiety.

WeeMadArthur · 31/10/2018 13:48

Is he normally that anxious after nights out? I might be suspicious but it sounds like he has done something that has made him panic that he has caught an STI ( whether he picked up someone in a club, a stripper or a prostitute) and is getting his story about being blacked out in place so he can claim he didn’t know anything about it so you can’t hold him responsible. I wouldn’t have unprotected sex with him until he has been checked out.

Aquamarine1029 · 31/10/2018 13:52

My bullshit radar is going off. I hear guilt talking.

NRPDad · 31/10/2018 13:55

I'm someone who can easily have a blackout when I drink. Quite often I wake up safe at home in bed with no memory of say beyond 11pm the previous night.

I have never woken up like that and thought omg I've done something wrong.

If he is someone who has experienced these kind of blackouts before when drunk (has he claimed he can't remember large parts of drunken nights before?) and is now saying this, I would be worried and it gives me the impression he knows or has an idea that something has happened.

ElectricMonkey · 31/10/2018 13:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cheesefield · 31/10/2018 14:03

This would make me VERY suspicious.

Aquamarine1029 · 31/10/2018 14:04

I think he cheated, had unprotected sex, and is now in a panic that he got an STI and could give it to you. Hence the bullshit "I can't remember" nonsense. He's making a preemptive strike in case shit hits the fan.

NannyMcfanny · 31/10/2018 14:08

Does he have OCD Op?

MaryDollNesbitt · 31/10/2018 14:10

Why is a grown adult drinking to such an excess it leads to memeory lapses? Confused

RejuvenatingGermanJaunt · 31/10/2018 14:16

MaryDoll, I'm a recovering alcoholic. When I used to get blackout drunk - which was often - I'd get The Fear in a MASSIVE way. I also have MH issues that exacerbate anxiety/paranoia.

I smell bullshit with this guy's story too, but it's not ENTIRELY implausible.

femidom12 · 31/10/2018 14:32

'Obviously had a one night stand'!!!
Jesus, usual crackpots on this thread.

ElectricMonkey · 31/10/2018 14:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

femidom12 · 31/10/2018 14:45

It's the word 'obviously' I object to, like you have all the answers from a few lines of text from the OP.
It 'might of' happened but 'obviously' puh-lease!

Huskylover1 · 31/10/2018 14:48

Well, he is about as subtle as a Brick, isn't he?

No one wakes up fully clothed, and wonders whether they have fucked someone else, without remembering. Not unless they are pre-disposed to cheating. Also, unless his wallet is missing he knows that he wasn't mugged, so it's all a load of Bullshit.

He's had a one night stand, and is laying the groundwork.

How do you feel about the fact, that he thinks it's fine to sleep with other women, as long as he doesn't remember it? You don't fundamentally change your moral compass after a few drinks, even if you do get really drunk. I wouldn't cheat on DH sober, and I wouldn't cheat on him if I was blind drunk.

He may as well get a Neon Sign saying "I've cheated" and place it on the front lawn.

I'm truly astounded that you bought this ridiculous story.

OksanaAstankova · 31/10/2018 14:52

I've read enough threads on MN from women who've blacked out when drunk and are worried that they might have been raped despite no evidence to suggest that this is the case, that I'm not immediately saying bullshit.

Huskylover1 · 31/10/2018 14:52

femidom it IS obvious. It couldn't be any clearer. He's back from a Stag weekend and wants a sexual check up. How naive are some people? Hmm I can only assume Op is very young. As a woman who is in her 40's and has been cheated on, in previous relationships, honestly, this sticks out like a sore thumb. It's almost laughable that anyone could fall for this crock of shite.

AfterSchoolWorry · 31/10/2018 14:56

He did do something. He's worried now and can't help himself from half confessing. He's looking to unload his guilt. The twat.

Upslidedown · 31/10/2018 16:32

I think this would be a deal breaker for me. I'd assume he slept with someone and was organising a defence should he later get caught out.

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