Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Help with DH's 'hangxiety'

106 replies

EmmaWB · 31/10/2018 13:23

My DH has been on a lads weekend and as you would expect got very drunk. He left the group to stumble back to the hotel but has had a memory lapse. Whilst I am 100% confident nothing happened, his anxiety is making him think all sorts of bad things could have happened. I'm talking being spiked, mugged, having an affair. I think it is just his fear of not knowing, but he wants to get a sexual health check. He woke up in his clothes and has nothing to suggest he had been up to no good. Not sure how to feel about this. Anyone out there have any advice or been in a similar position?

OP posts:
PoppyField · 31/10/2018 23:48

has

TheWiseWomansFear · 31/10/2018 23:49

But I have OCD so my fears can be really irrational

TheWiseWomansFear · 31/10/2018 23:50

Oh god, just seen the update... fucking arsehole, I'm so sorry OP

TheWiseWomansFear · 31/10/2018 23:51

And agree with PP, it wasn't just a handjob - that's another half truth. You can't get an STD from a hand job except for in extremely unlikely conditions.. he slept with her or min blow job

Original poster
EmmaWB · 31/10/2018 23:58

Thanks all x

OP posts:
MadameFoner · 01/11/2018 00:37

Sorry to hear this OP , can I just say though that the incubation periods given up-thread are out-dated, chlamydia and gonnorrhea = 2 weeks, HIV = 4 weeks and syphilis = 6 weeks. Depending on when it happened, if he's been tested too soon he will need a re-test.

northernlights0710 · 01/11/2018 02:52

What about herpes? You can get that from oral sex - happened to a mate of mine.

Unicyclethief · 01/11/2018 02:55

Yeah, it wasn’t a hand job was it?

bastardkitty · 01/11/2018 02:58

You have absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about and should feel free to tell everyone. It obviously wasn't a handjob. What a lowlife.

ISpeakJive · 01/11/2018 03:07

Why would he want an STI check if it was just a hand job?

I’m really sorry Flowers

AjasLipstick · 01/11/2018 03:22

Jive because you can't trust men who get 'hand jobs' from prostitutes.

Cawfee · 01/11/2018 05:32

It wasn’t just a hand job OP and that’s why he was anxious for a check up. He’s a liar and a cheat. He’s probably done it before. You really need to go get checked out too. He’s disgusting.

LanguidLobster · 01/11/2018 05:35

Sorry OP, that's really awful.

LEMtheoriginal · 01/11/2018 05:59

So if a woman had posted that scenario herself...

LEMtheoriginal · 01/11/2018 06:00

Oh sorry didnt read the update

FabulouslyGlamorousFerret · 01/11/2018 07:05

I doubt it was just a hand job either. He's minimising.

However grim, this isn't necessarily something that can't be 'got over', but he has to tell you the truth and then You can decide whether you want to stay with him or not. That won't be a popular opinion and everyone will be crying 'LTB' ... which may be what you do, but it's got to be what you want and based on the truth, and reason for his behaviour.

Good luck

Glasshalffull99 · 01/11/2018 07:18

Wouldn't need an sti check if it was just a hand job. I'd be doubtful of the prostitute aswell. He is minimising!
So sorry OP Flowers

anniehm · 01/11/2018 07:35

Sorry for this, but he isn't the first and won't be the last. Several close friends have had this happen and if true remorse is shown, only you can decide if trust can be rebuilt. No more lads weekends for starters!

Original poster
EmmaWB · 01/11/2018 07:55

I'm going to struggle to rebuild trust, but as it's my Ds birthday I'll put it on hold for today 🙂

OP posts:
ChodeofChodeHall · 01/11/2018 08:10

I'm sorry OP Flowers

Avegemitesandwich · 01/11/2018 09:14

Oh God I just read the update, I'm really sorry OP. I agree that it's highly doubtful it was 'just' a hand job, or even that this is the first time something like this has happened.

I hope that you are able to sort this and for today have a nice day with your DS.

Katgurl · 01/11/2018 09:34

Oh my god you poor thing. I am so sorry to read this.

And also sorry that he still isn't telling you the truth, the ratbag. There is no way it's a handjob causing him this much anxiety.

otterturk · 01/11/2018 12:58

Pretty sure no one gets just a hand job from a prostitute.

Thoughts with you OP.

FabulouslyGlamorousFerret · 01/11/2018 13:01

Pretty sure no one gets just a hand job from a prostitute. Thoughts with you OP.

Not as uncommon as you may think - cheap!

diamondsandrose · 01/11/2018 16:33

Sorry OP. That's shit

Game face on today for DS birthday.
Tomorrow get him out the house and have a big think.
Only tell people you really trust and who will stay neutral and not try and persuade you to leave/stay and won't judge

He's had unprotected sex with someone you wouldn't get an STI check for a hand job ffs

You have done nothing wrong, you just trusted him more than he deserved which is unfortunately very common. I did it too.