A awkward Question to single mums

[Issy777]

How would you trust meeting another man when you have kids?
This will sound a horrible, uncomfortable question but I recently was witnessed to something my best friend went through a few years back
She was a single mum to her 9 year old daughter, met a guy in a restaurant we went to (a waiter) he was way too fast with her
To leave out the gruesome details, she caught him stroking daughters leg. Was horrific
She's now scared of meeting someone again. I'm in a bad relationship n think I only stay because i have two daughters n I just wouldn't.. couldn't trust another man, not just cos of what happened with bf but because it's something Iv always feared
What if u meet a guy he acts like Prince Charming, u become close so you're ready to introduce him to your child ? How can you trust his intentions? What he'd be capable off?
Just something I want to know as I know it's holding me back I know there's obvious going to be no way of knowing but for instance when and how long would u introduce your dc to new guy?

ftfoawygtfosm

"But if you’re leaving your child with their dad, in split situation, you have no legal leg to stand on dictating who they take the child to, who they spend time with when they have the child with them."

I would hope of dh and split up he would respect my concerns. My friend has two Brothers-in-law. One she is not worried about but the other she would not leave her kids with. She's told me nothing has happened bit she just doesn't feel comfortable. I asked my husband what if I thought that etc. I think he didn't see the issue bit he respects me enough that if I had concerns he would respect them.

ftfoawygtfosm if your son is a lot older than your daughters and want a to see them and take care of them why would his friends need to be there too?

I just don't get why in order to have a good relationship with his much younger sisters he needs to look after them with others there. I am not saying there is necessarily any issue but I just don't get it.

You have no way of knowing that in a split situation. Lots of people say lots of things aging what will and wouldn’t happen on divorce and the reality is often very different.

My ex and I promised when we were married that if we ever split we wouldn’t introduce the kids to any new partner before a year and until the other one of us had met them and vetted them first.

He had an affair. Got an Ow And introduced her less than a month after we split. Needless to say, he didn’t let me meet her first.

I’ve still not introduced anyone to my kids.

Legally could fuck off if I was concerned about the people my kids were exposed to.
Honestly, it's situations like this where I'm glad I'm a single mother .
There was a thread on here a few weeks ago where a young girl had two kids and was really concerned about the step dad of her dp who was being very inappropriate to say the least. No way in hell would that being happening to mine,

What your ex did is bang out of order.

It’s fun. They enjoy each other’s company. No more than that.

He lived in a student house with some of them for years and they all hung out.

Why does there have to be any more reason than that?

Of course I have no way of knowing what my dh would do of he became my ex. I guess o am hopeful he would act reasonably. If I really felt there was an issue with a specific person I would do all I could to affect the situation.

I'm sorry your ex did that. Totally not fair, any of it

Thing is. You can’t. You can’t. You can’t srop contact (god knows I wanted to) but you can’t.

And all these years later, her kids were here a few weeks ago and stayed overnight. (Silly crisis and I was the only parent that my younger kids could get a hold of) and if her kids need someone again, they’ve my number and they’ve been told I’d get them in a similar situation again. And if you’d told me all those years ago I’d have ever done that I’d have told you it would ever happen.

"Why does there have to be any more reason than that"

Ok let's just say I don't trust men. Never been raped or assaulted so no 'reason' but I just don't.

It doesn't mean I don't let my kids see males, they do. I just am cautious about males around my teenage daughter. I've got nephews who are either adult or almost adult. They hang around a not with my kids bit I am just cautious.

And it’s sad that for some of those on this thread, I’d be unable to help in that situation because I’m not related to those kids and because my DS who also isn’t related to them brought them here.

I trust my son absolutely I suppose that is just the difference. And there’s no way to square that. You either do or don’t.

They hang around a but with my kids bit I am just cautious, if there mates were hanging around with my 13 year old I would not be happy.

BIT bloody phone!!!

I am not the one saying not to trust your son. I am saying I am cautious. I am not telling you what to do.

I know. I’m saying that’s the difference.

Do you trust your own sons I suppose is the better question?

If you have sons are they adult?

I think that it’s one of those things that comes with having adults children maybe.. I trust my adult son. I trust him and I trust his judgement.

Ok so forgive me if I'm not understanding but you say 20 yo guys want to hang out with 10yo girls?? And you think that's normal?? Sorry if I've read that wrong

Sons yes, trust them ,sons mates??

Yeah sons mates. Who I’ve known since they were wee boys.

Not go out goether but if my younger are there they all watch a movie or get dominoes.

And they’re in the house, or were, when my dd was there. And I’ve no issue with it. Nor do they.

And in fact, baby of the family and two of her mates are for her biggest brother house this weekend. To stay over night and he’s picking them up after a concert. I expect they will drive him bonkers, but he has the patience of a saint.

My younger go to stay with their brother.

If his mates are there then they still go to stay with their brother.

Why on earth wouldn’t they?

How old are your kids ftf?? The boys and the girls?

30-odd to early/mid teens.

Why?

ftfoawygtfosm my son is 8. I hope when he is an adult I will trust him of course. Now I trust him.

But at the moment him and dd do fight so I often don't don't leave then alone. It is not that I don't trust them. She is a teen and he is an annoying little brother!

I am not arguing about your son. I am talking about other unrelated young men and either young children or teenage girls. I am not wanting really to talk about your situation but more in general.

So 20 years age gap? Do you honestly think most 30 yo guys would be happy to sit and watch films and eat pizza with early teen girls rather than being out and about pursuing relationships with women their own age?
If their intentions were normal??

Fair enough Italian. I hope that when your son is an adult you will trust him and his future partner will also trust him so that he can be around younger family members, including his own children.

Stressed. I’m not talking about most. I’m talking about the ones I know and as far as i am aware they are all happy with the arrangement.

My kids definitely are, and I think the relationship they have is amazing.