DP and sex....

[Kookaa]

DP and I have been together for 4 years and have 2 DC - 2 & 1 month.
I also have 3 school aged DC. Needless to say we’re both very tired.

Our sex life has been an ongoing problem. DP has a high sex drive and when we first got together we had a lot of sex. Things slowed down after 6 months or so.

He would bring it up every now and then saying that we never had sex and that when we did it was just rushed.... He thinks we should have sex every/every other night yet I’m happy with a couple of times a week. It was never enough/never good enough.

So he cooked for me on Saturday night. By the time it was 10 I was exhausted. We have a month old breast fed baby who wakes for feeds every couple of hrs through the night and toddler who wakes at 6am every day.

We didn’t have sex (we’d had it on Thursday!) and he was in a foul mood all day yesterday. He wouldn’t say why or even admit he was but I’m sure that’s why.

Last night I was up every couple of hours, also have a stinking cold and unwell. DP then wakes me up just before 6 by sticking his hand between my legs. I was shoved him off then 15 minutes later he tried again. I had sex reluctantly and am now really upset and angry. Firstly that he fucking woke me up and secondly that he just didn’t give a shit.

He says he’s alsways been honest about his sex drive, just wants to feel close to me. He said he feels old (he’s 31) because we sit and watch telly in the evenings rather than hopping into bed. He says he’d like us to go to counselling about it and he doesn’t want this to be it for the rest of his life.

@busybarbara

I’m trying to understand where you are coming from, but I don’t think it’s as simple as what you are saying....

OP was pestered and coerced I go having sex,

Now, that in itself makes me angry. If in years to come my daughter told me this had happened to her I’d be looking to get her out of the relationship.

When you add into it the pain and discomfort both emotionally and physically after giving birth, AND the fact that she’s nursing a tiny 1 month old, the fact that her DH put her in this position is unforgivable.

Just because she doesn’t want to have sex with him doesn’t mean she doesn’t find him attractive anymore either?

He's well within his rights to feel that way while NOT being allowed to be "rapey" Can we drop the word 'rapey' please. It's a word used to minimise a rapist's actions. The phrase you are looking for is "while NOT being allowed to be a rapist"

And it's too late for that, because he coerced into sex, so he's rapist already.

He sounds sexually and emotionally abusive.

Busybarbara
He coerced her into having sex two weeks after the birth of their child. And again a week later, waking her up in the process. It's not really a question of whether she still fancies him or not, it's about whether HE has any feelings of affection towards his wife. If he did have these, he would not be forcing himself on her when she had just given birth and was still so sore she needed painkillers.

I think it’s dangerous to assume this stems from a lack of affection. Men like this aren’t more respectful of women they like more. It doesn’t work like that. There are significant issues with how he views his sexual entitlement. Full stop.

I hope you seen OK Op, I know this may have been difficult to read.

I just think OP needs to give a think to whether she wants his honesty or for him to just go away if she is no longer attracted to him. If not she should say so and they should split up. This is hardly a disgusting opinion.

She’s four weeks pp. Not wanting sex right now doesn’t mean she’s not attracted to him. Medical advice is not to have sex at all for six weeks and he’s been forcing himself on her for a month.

And if she doesn’t find him attractive any more, maybe because he’s coercing her into sex and doesn’t give a shit about her. That’s hardly attractive.

He is vile OP. You deserve better.

I'm so sick of these countless posts of husband/partner sex badgering constantly. I'm horrified. I would have murdered him with a scewdriver by now or rung the police. WTAF nobody has the right to treat you like this. he is a total uncaring shit - you should get rid of him.
I would. Only a matter of time before he goes off with someone less exhausted and with a higher sex drive than you.
He is a piece of shit.

Ffs I WANT to eat chocolate AND drink copious amounts of wine and champagne all week -there was a day when I could, now I have other people to think of .... he's selfish

137 posts and rising.

Maybe OP should have got the message by now.

Report him for Rape and move on in life. Otherwise accept that you will be abused forever.

Yes there is a child involved, but both CMS and the Courts have ways of making NRP pay towards their child.

If he packs in work to evade Maintenance then you have further evidence that you are with the wrong person.

Good luck whatever you do, but act quickly.

I'm still stunned that you're having sex at all a month after giving birth. Give him a stern talking to and tell him to go get counselling.