i'm in the wrong ...limited sexual encounters

[captainbirdseye1]

We are married mid 30's, have everything in life we need/want including 3 beautiful children.
We are currently living with her inlaws due to us purchasing our 3rd home, which is basically being smashed down and rebuilt to our spec. We are lucky to be in this situation and have support around us todo this.

My question is i guess being 35 is i look around me on the train to work and see old people 70+, and think i should make the most of everything i have including being naughty with my wife. I have never cheated on her (been together like 16years+) and love her to bits. I sometimes let my mind drift and think this would be fun to try in the bedroom. This may include adding a sprinkle of porn, naughty underwear or just being naughty in general to add some different things to our sex life and also to add some diversirty.

We have 3 small children and i get it shes is mentally and physcially exhausted, on the same hand i look after a large international firm and take allot of pressure/stress from work.

Bearing that aside im never tired to engage in sex or naughtyness, she however is asleep most nights by 9/10pm, i dont even get a kiss at night.

I'm i being a muppet here or is something wrong?

I'm completly open to her and stuff i'am writing here has been discussed many a time face to face but nothing seems to change.

I'm not looking to jump ship or anything like that i just love my wife and want to have lots of fun before i get old and cant do anything sexually any more.

For all the haters out there its not all about sex, this is one element of it, i make sure weekends are family time when/where possible.

Tbh I can't work out what you are trying to say/ask

Tbh you lost me at "haters"...I can't think of a single respectable adult that uses that word.

Punctuation is clearly not your friend.

You “look after” a large international firm? I’m not buying it.

Why do you refer to all things sexual as naughty?

You do get that she is physically and mentally exhausted though?

You're a security guard who watches a lot of porn?

I would not advise trying to sprinkle anything whilst you are living with your in-laws. I'd consider your situation to be a major passion-killer (never mind the fact you've got 3 little ones).

If she's consistently too exhausted for sex/intimacy and you consistently aren't, sounds like you need to be taking some of the strain off her, either by doing more around the house yourself or by paying for help e.g. cleaner, childcare.

Being naughty? Naughtiness? Muppet? Haters?!

Keeptrudging excellent summary
Haters?? nah, I don’t think so...

If my partner kept referring to sex as being naughty i can’t say I’d be up for it much

I may be wrong but I get the impression you think sex is something women are meant to perform for their partners. Have you considered what she might like? Have you considered dressing up for her, or giving her a massage or doing anything that she might enjoy? Having an expectation to always dress up for a man and perform for him like a prostitute is so unbelievably dull and unfulfilling.

Speaking as a woman, it's generally the mum who takes all the mental load and it's exhausting. I work full time, as does my husband. His work pattern means he is home some midweek days. He's a nursing manager in charge of a medium sized hospital so definitely a stressful job. I'm also a health professional He's great at looking after our son, but literally, all the decisions are left to me. It doesn't even occur to him to think of the little every day things that keep a household running. If u ask him to do something it's done, but even the need to ask is part of that mental load. I'm also exhausted and ready for bed by 9/9.30 in the evenings. No surprise when you are "on" from 6 or so every morning, every day.
Have a look at Should have asked Emma - the mental load. Google it, I can't post a link here. It's a great explanation

woah, that was a mass responce.

Sorry let me re-type the above - auto correct wasnt my friend.

We are married mid 30's, have everything in life we need/want including 3 beautiful children.
We are currently living with her in-laws due to us purchasing our 3rd home, which is basically being smashed down and rebuilt to our spec. We are lucky to be in this situation and have support around us to do this.

My question is I guess being 35 is I look around me on the train to work and see old people 70+, and think I should make the most of everything I have including being more sexual with my wife. I have never cheated on her (been together 16years+) and love her to bits.
I sometimes let my mind drift and think this would be fun to try new things in the bedroom. This may include adding a sprinkle of porn, naughty underwear or just being more deviant in general to add some different things to our sex life and add some diversity.

We have 3 small children and I get it she’s is mentally and physically exhausted, on the same hand I look after a large international firm and take allot of pressure/stress from work.

She is asleep most nights by 9/10pm, I don’t even get a kiss at night so I don’t know if I could even introduce this type of stuff.

I'm I being a muppet here or is something wrong?

I'm completely open to her and stuff I’am writing here has been discussed many a time face to face but nothing seems to change.

I'm not looking to jump ship or anything like that I just love my wife and want to have lots of fun before I get old and can’t do anything sexually any more.

For all the negative comments that I will receive about being about one thing it’s not all about sex, this is one element of it that I have focused in on, I make sure weekends are family time when/where possible.

If it's not just that your wife is too tired for sex from looking after your children, what else is it?

@AngelsSins Yes I completely agree and it’s not all about sex, it’s quite limited here to expand, but I take her away, get her nights off when I can away from the children so its 1-1 time, I take my children to events and shows, sports, activities where I can and generally try to be the best husband I can. Most weekends I’m either doing house repairs or taking them out for lunch (nando’s, pizza, restaurants) whatever makes the kids happy and like spending time as a family.

So in my view I’m doing everything possible to be a good dad/husband. Yes sometimes I will massage her feet, she loves being softly tickled on her back and feet which I do but surely it can’t always be 80/20 in her favour?

Bizarre

Aren't her in laws your parents?

So you want to be 'rewarded' for all of that by her swinging from the light for your pleasure?

@Bananalanacake no , thats what in-laws mean.

@gamerchick no, not about that it needs to be a 2 way street surley?

I think OP is very clumsily asking if he is U to want to spice things up and if not, how to approach their wife about doing so.

So your in laws?

@Yewnicorn I'm coming here for advice, if i cant do anything to please someone and trying different things to help and thats not working, im not sure what else i can do. If the person doesnt want todo anything and i mean anything then i'am stuck

So you want your wife to engage in sexual activity she's not interested in? Well that's a great fucking idea.

Go 'naughty' yourself.

@ BiscuitDrama inlaws, as in her parents.