i'm in the wrong ...limited sexual encounters

[captainbirdseye1]

We are married mid 30's, have everything in life we need/want including 3 beautiful children.
We are currently living with her inlaws due to us purchasing our 3rd home, which is basically being smashed down and rebuilt to our spec. We are lucky to be in this situation and have support around us todo this.

My question is i guess being 35 is i look around me on the train to work and see old people 70+, and think i should make the most of everything i have including being naughty with my wife. I have never cheated on her (been together like 16years+) and love her to bits. I sometimes let my mind drift and think this would be fun to try in the bedroom. This may include adding a sprinkle of porn, naughty underwear or just being naughty in general to add some different things to our sex life and also to add some diversirty.

We have 3 small children and i get it shes is mentally and physcially exhausted, on the same hand i look after a large international firm and take allot of pressure/stress from work.

Bearing that aside im never tired to engage in sex or naughtyness, she however is asleep most nights by 9/10pm, i dont even get a kiss at night.

I'm i being a muppet here or is something wrong?

I'm completly open to her and stuff i'am writing here has been discussed many a time face to face but nothing seems to change.

I'm not looking to jump ship or anything like that i just love my wife and want to have lots of fun before i get old and cant do anything sexually any more.

For all the haters out there its not all about sex, this is one element of it, i make sure weekends are family time when/where possible.

My gosh, I am laughing my ass off at the posters defending this pornsick weasel. "He wants more intimicaty" "If this was a woman the responses would have been totally different" and so on.

If this was a woman, the OP would not be complaining about the lack of porn-sex in her life and would not suggest her partner was lazy and exhausted from raising kids at the same time.

I have also yet to see a thread on MN where an OP of either sex is not called out on something that is obviously BS.

Op is just longing for physical intimacy from his partner that he loves

Yes that's what it is, 🤣🤣🤣

@Mumtobeluc

Ok am I missing something? If you live with his in law surely they are your parents, or am I going fucking mental 😂

It sounds like she's not interested in you sexually. Is this a long term thing or only happened recently? It's not fair to pressurise her to do things she's not into.

It sounds like you got together young and you're not happy with your sex life now. Speak to your wife, see if she would like to improve things too. If she doesn't want to then you'll have to decide whether you're happy to compromise or whether you want to separate.

As she is continually exhausted, and you have some energy, then make sure you do a lot more at home. Ask her what tasks can become yours.

She will be delighted, and feel understood and seen, which to me is always where intimacy starts.

You have 3 young children, are in the middle of a major house renovation and you want your want your exhausted wife to indulge your sexual fantasies while staying as a temporary guest at her parents house?

I think at this present time there are quite a few passion killers at play here that will quite understandably be affecting her libido. It is not wrong to want to have a healthy sexual relationship with your partner but at this present time I can understand why it is not a priority for your wife.

Also she may not share your particular fantasies and that is her absolute right to not want to engage in them. Just because they turn you on it doesn't mean she will feel the same at all. Porn in particular is very contentious.

Maybe it would be better to address this subject when you are living back in the privacy of your own home.

Also she is allowed to go for coffee and socialise with friends while you are working. You seem to be insinuating that you want to use sex as a quid pro quo for this.

Currently live with his in laws

So your parents?

Should i go through life then with zero sex at all and just accept that

Ah so it's zero. From what I got it was more adventurous. Please dont use that language with your wife. It's not sexy to hear of dressing up with sprinkles of porn when you're knackered.

Young kids and not living in your own home would be a big sex killer in my head.

The issue is a total lack of sex and intimacy, yet you are talking about porn and lingerie??
How about going back to basics - forget the porn (most women wouldn't enjoy that idea, even those with a healthy sexual appetite) and underwear (a woman who isn't feeling sexual will definitely not want to truss herself up like a sex doll for you) and have an honest conversation about the lack of intimacy?

Naughty sniggers

The simple answer is talk to your wife and stop seeing taking the kids out now and again as something that should be rewarded with sex.

If I was your wife I'd love a proper weekend away without anyone else. Sounds like you are all living on top of each other and she is trying to keep small children happy in her mother's house ( I have done this it isn't always plain sailing). Book her a weekend away somewhere for just her. You take the kids for the whole weekend and let her get some proper rest. Make sure you don't ask her to do any mental work whilst she is away I.e. asking where things are or how the dc like their lunch etc. Give her space.

Then once she is rested talk to her but NOT in a ' I gave you a weekend off now where is my reward?'

And don't use any of phrases you have used in your OP - porn for most women is a turn off, if you have been together so long she probably would have mentioned it by now if she liked it.

Looking after a large firm must be 'allot' of hard work

I would say living with your in laws is a huge sex killer!

It's stressful having so much going on in your life, small children, rebuilding new house, even if she's not in charge on the house build - it's a lot to think about.

I would say utilise your in laws. Have a few date nights, get the in laws used to baby sitting. Then maybe you could take her away for a night. Have a few cocktails, tell her nice things to make her feel special. That should
Lead you to the horizontal fox trot!

If you've opened up about spicing things up, and your lady hasn't been enthusiastic, I would ease up.

Your sex life will get better once the kids are slightly older, you're in your own place and most importantly, tell her how amazing she is as much as you can. Women are seduced with words. Good luck

Which one is it op? Because part of it is bullshit, and I can guess which part.

Part of it? Part? Because I can't think of a single reason anyone except a married father of 3 who wants to make his sex life better would want a bunch of women online to talk about spicing up sex.

And punctuation is really difficult using only one hand to type. Seriously people, a little sympathy here.

Why is it that all the men who post on here can't string a coherent sentence together? Are they all the same troll/journo?

When you are in your own home at last you could suggest things to your dear wife. If I was her you'd get a flea in your ear but I'm not her so who knows? Stop being a baby. She may well have some fantasies too that don't include you!

Looking after a large firm must be 'allot' of hard work

Indeed. And building your own house. And having three young kids. And living with your in laws/parents. And going out drinking coffee and partying into the night,...it's allot allot.

And punctuation is really difficult using only one hand to type. Seriously people, a little sympathy here

Mumtobeluc I'm actually in the same situation. Currently live with his in laws

So if they are his in laws they are your parents? or does he have a second set of in laws (e.g you are his partner and you are both living with his wife's parents)

Twice in this thread posters have called their own parents in laws, am I the only one to find this odd?

The OP is odd and some of the replies.......

If DP suggested porn I’d run a mile, and the infantile way you talk about sex would be pretty off putting too.

Bluntly, she’s knackered, living with your parents (not really conducive to swinging from the chandeliers if your MIL can hear you shagging is it?) and probably feels the least sexy she’s ever felt.

If every attempt you make to touch her, or be close to her, leads to you wanting sex that’s off putting too.

Wait it out, it won’t be forever, but please, don’t put pressure on her.

Have you actually talked to her? I'm guessing that if you are an executive of a large company you aren't going to be present a huge amount. Does your wife have some support with chores and childcare (maids, nannies etc.)? I'm sure you can afford it if you are a senior leader of a large company. At the end of the day if you are at work all the time and aren't using your earnings to help your wife she will be resenting you.

@SuchAToDo

No I can't get my head around it and no one seems to be able to explain it!

You don't appear to have asked your DW what she feels. I wouldn't be at all surprised if your housing situation was central.

Living with relatives would definitely put me off sexual experiments. When my DC were small we used to have sex downstairs so I could make the noise I need to when totally uninhibited. Can't imagine how we'd have managed that while sharing with relatives.

Plus there's the thing mothers of small DC experience of being all touched out. When they're very young you spend all your time changing them, carrying them, cuddling them. When they're finally asleep you just need some time when no one wants anything from you.

When my DC were small I realized that sex with my DH wasn't another demand but an opportunity to treat myself to adult time and to reconnect with my DH. However I know from listening to other mums that some of them just want peace and quiet, not an exciting sex life

I recommend you speak to your DW and ask her what would help.

Foreplay starts at breakfast: if you're not treating her with kindness and affection in everyday life she's unlikely to be very interested in sex with you.

Literally the only poster to defend the OP also makes the same mistake of saying "her inlaws". Now I know we're not allowed to accuse anyone of sockpuppeting, so I'm definitely not going to do that, but...