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Original poster

i'm in the wrong ...limited sexual encounters

120 replies

captainbirdseye1 · 03/10/2018 14:44

We are married mid 30's, have everything in life we need/want including 3 beautiful children.
We are currently living with her inlaws due to us purchasing our 3rd home, which is basically being smashed down and rebuilt to our spec. We are lucky to be in this situation and have support around us todo this.

My question is i guess being 35 is i look around me on the train to work and see old people 70+, and think i should make the most of everything i have including being naughty with my wife. I have never cheated on her (been together like 16years+) and love her to bits. I sometimes let my mind drift and think this would be fun to try in the bedroom. This may include adding a sprinkle of porn, naughty underwear or just being naughty in general to add some different things to our sex life and also to add some diversirty.

We have 3 small children and i get it shes is mentally and physcially exhausted, on the same hand i look after a large international firm and take allot of pressure/stress from work.

Bearing that aside im never tired to engage in sex or naughtyness, she however is asleep most nights by 9/10pm, i dont even get a kiss at night.

I'm i being a muppet here or is something wrong?

I'm completly open to her and stuff i'am writing here has been discussed many a time face to face but nothing seems to change.

I'm not looking to jump ship or anything like that i just love my wife and want to have lots of fun before i get old and cant do anything sexually any more.

For all the haters out there its not all about sex, this is one element of it, i make sure weekends are family time when/where possible.

OP posts:
CrochetBelle · 03/10/2018 15:37

"her inlaws"

as in the family of the person she is married to.

cantsleepwithnofan · 03/10/2018 15:38

I can pretty much guarantee taking your kids out on the weekend for a Nando's is not even doing 1% of the grunt work of raising kids. If she's exhausted then you're probably doing fuck all. But hey, you're important at work so she should be naughty in the bedroom.

BiscuitDrama · 03/10/2018 15:38

So as I said, “your in laws” not as you said “her in laws”.
Anyway. Her parents.

Steepcricket · 03/10/2018 15:39

I don't know what the answer is; my husband could be you, he would love me to want more sex and to spice things up as you would, whilst I on the other hand, am not remotely interested in vanilla sex, let alone anything over and above that. It's not a good situation for anyone.

AnyFucker · 03/10/2018 15:39

So you want to razz up your sex life with a "sprinkle of porn" and do lots of "naughties"

Living with your in laws and 3 kids in tow

Unless you all have separate wings of the castle, how do you envisage this sexfest happening ?

Original poster
captainbirdseye1 · 03/10/2018 15:41

@cantsleepwithnofan if i dont work the long hours i do then everything we have and for the kids goes.

Daily she will have coffe, see friends, go to parties while im working and sometimes into the night.

I have no issue with that and want her todo those things to give some sanity back but just to put some context around it.

You make it sound as if i dont understand how it is to bring the kids up, thats not the issue here.

Should i go through life then with zero sex at all and just accept that?

OP posts:
Shazafied · 03/10/2018 15:41

It's sounds like your wife is knackered and you don't have much privacy, i would chill out about lack of naughtiness and try to support your wife x

SuchAToDo · 03/10/2018 15:42

I agree with Bananalanacake,

Her in-laws (her mother in law and father in-law) has to be YOUR parents...unless she has another husband and a second set of in-laws

You wanting to have a sprinkle of porn etc won't cut it...you need to talk to your wife and see what she wants, not every woman wants to watch porn or dress up in underwear or costumes...your wife might not want any of that stuff and that is ok, as she is entitled to no.do anything sexually that she doesn't want to do...you need to.work on YOU and HER...not YOU, HER, PORN etc...

Cawfee · 03/10/2018 15:43

The clue is in your post. You have small children and you are living in her parents house! I wouldn’t be getting kinky with my DH in those circumstances either! Why are you going through all that stress of building a house with small kids if really what you want is a stress free easy life involving lots of leg over? Serious question? Why? Surely work out what you want OP? Stop having kids because when they are small life gets really fucking hard. Then you’re adding on in laws and house building!! Duh no wonder you ain’t getting any. Just live in a normal, maintenance free non building site house maybe? Really gets my goat when people come on here moaning about their life situation but they’ve made things deliberately difficult for themselves!! Get rid of the building site and buy an easy house and get those kids in some nursery to ease her sleep deprivation. Then you might be getting somewhere.

Bluntness100 · 03/10/2018 15:44

Honestly you lost me at you looking after a large international firm. Spoken like a true ceo. Before you followed it up with naughty, muppets and haters.

Anyway Alan Sugar, your bigging up of your own career would lead me to believe you're doing the same about your domestic activities.

Living with your in-laws, managing three little kids, isn't conducive to rampant sex.

CrochetBelle · 03/10/2018 15:45

Oh she drinks coffee and parties whilst you work and look after the kids.

Anal for you, Lord.

Agentornika · 03/10/2018 15:45

I just can't get past "being naughty with my wife"

Quartz2208 · 03/10/2018 15:45

She is tired - you are not - that says something about the balance of the load.

Jaxtellerswife · 03/10/2018 15:46

Typical MN repliesHmm
Op is just longing for physical intimacy from his partner that he loves.
All I can suggest is keep communicating. The foot rubs etc are nice but it's important to know why there's an element of your relationship not working for one or both of you.
Good luck

Sethis · 03/10/2018 15:47

If the kids are old enough, book a weekend away and dump them with her parents.

Make sure it's at least a few weeks in the future so you can arrange childcare and adjust calendars as needed.

Make sure the place you go is a different town/city/area so it's a bit exotic - even a fast flight over to the continent might be a good idea.

Make sure your wife is on board with the concept and you explicitly mention that this is a perfect time for some sexual intimacy that is incredibly difficult to find while living with parents and with 3 kids. Make sure she's on board with this, and is happy to go ahead with it.

Hopefully that might help put a little spark back in, and remind both of you how nice it is to be physical, free from distractions and problems.

CaptSkippy · 03/10/2018 15:49

OP, your wife is tired for a reason. Leave her alone, get your ass into gear and do the grunt along with the "fun daddy" stuff. That means getting involved in house work, meal planning, making sure the kids get to their appointments, etc. In short everything you would do "looking after a large firm" at home too.

Make sure that your wife can have a lie-in once and a while, while you make sure the kids have what they need. Do you bit to clean up after yourself and the kids and do some cleaning around the house.

In order words: Stop complaining about your sex-life and start pulling your weight.

BlancheM · 03/10/2018 15:49

Speak to your wife about it

redexpat · 03/10/2018 15:49

Have you tried asking her what it would take for her to want more sex? Reading between the lines is it sex that makes you feel loved? What makes dw feel loved? Please google love languages.

CaptSkippy · 03/10/2018 15:51

Furthermore, you claim your wife goes to parties every day, but is in bed by 9? I call bullshit on that one. What parties start before 10 PM (even that would be early)? You sound like you are full of shit.

Thatstheendofmytether · 03/10/2018 15:52

Not buying this at all. "Her in laws" surely you mean your parents? using word like haters etc. I don't think any self respecting father of 3 with a good job would get to his mid 30's and use words like "haters" and "naughty" to describe sex 😂😂.

Shambu · 03/10/2018 15:53

If your wife is always tired and you never are it suggests you're not working until you drop like she is.

Take on mor responsibility for childcare and domestic chores Andes might have more energy.

Shambu · 03/10/2018 15:54

And she not Andes ^^

Mumtobeluc · 03/10/2018 15:55

What a load of bitches. ..

If this was a woman people wouldn't be having ago about the grammar this much and the slang.
I think people are projecting their own issues onto this person.
I'm actually in the same situation. Currently live with his in laws. He works I'm raising our baby and he wants more time to be intimate like we once were but I'm tired or don't feel as sexy as I used to.

All I can recommend is try and get someone to watch the kids so you can go our together once in a while and also give her lots of affection without the intention for it to lead to sex.

cantsleepwithnofan · 03/10/2018 15:56

We have 3 small children and i get it shes is mentally and physcially exhausted

she however is asleep most nights by 9/10pm

Daily she will have coffe, see friends, go to parties while im working and sometimes into the night.

Which one is it op? Because part of it is bullshit, and I can guess which part.

CrochetBelle · 03/10/2018 15:58

@Mumtobeluc

Did you mean to be so rude? Don't you know that personal insults are against Talk Guidelines? Tut tut.

The OP is either someone trying to get their rocks off to 'naughty time' suggestions people will post in reply, or looking for advice on how he can make his wife submit to sexual contact she doesn't want.

Don't think it's necessarily us who are the problem here.