i'm in the wrong ...limited sexual encounters

[captainbirdseye1]

We are married mid 30's, have everything in life we need/want including 3 beautiful children.
We are currently living with her inlaws due to us purchasing our 3rd home, which is basically being smashed down and rebuilt to our spec. We are lucky to be in this situation and have support around us todo this.

My question is i guess being 35 is i look around me on the train to work and see old people 70+, and think i should make the most of everything i have including being naughty with my wife. I have never cheated on her (been together like 16years+) and love her to bits. I sometimes let my mind drift and think this would be fun to try in the bedroom. This may include adding a sprinkle of porn, naughty underwear or just being naughty in general to add some different things to our sex life and also to add some diversirty.

We have 3 small children and i get it shes is mentally and physcially exhausted, on the same hand i look after a large international firm and take allot of pressure/stress from work.

Bearing that aside im never tired to engage in sex or naughtyness, she however is asleep most nights by 9/10pm, i dont even get a kiss at night.

I'm i being a muppet here or is something wrong?

I'm completly open to her and stuff i'am writing here has been discussed many a time face to face but nothing seems to change.

I'm not looking to jump ship or anything like that i just love my wife and want to have lots of fun before i get old and cant do anything sexually any more.

For all the haters out there its not all about sex, this is one element of it, i make sure weekends are family time when/where possible.

What do you mean,you look after a large international firm, do you mean just you, looking after about 800 or hundreds more people. If so, how can you manage to do so many things at home all the time.

And yes, your favourite word, naughty is very odd for a modern man. I will just disregard the phrase. Also will disregard your comment, about people of 70 plus on the trains,ha ha, Its my age young man, so just shut up, I have a great life.

You do sound as though you have missed out a bit in the bedroom scene, when you mention a sprinkle of porn, and NAUGHTY underwear ha ha.

i think that you should stop fantasizing , let your wife get her beauty sleep, and you just do your best Nick Knowles job, and build a few more walls in the new house.

'd have sworn it was a woman who wrote this if I'm honest.*

I agree.

@Sethis

But the point is, he's wanting to take his wife away with the intent of having sex (or being 'naughty' with her). He hasn't bothered to talk to her to actually find out what she thinks about the situation.

Plenty of people on this thread have given their views (small children, living at the in-laws, taking on all the day-to-day stuff, wifework, etc) but we're all basing this on our perspective.

He (if it is a he) needs to talk to her first, not just take her away telling her that the weekend is all about culminating in sex. That might be the very last thing that she wants, so a weekend away - which should be a pleasure - could (and I said 'could' because I don't know how she feels) just be putting even more pressure on her to 'perform'.

He has to talk to her first!

You're comparing looking after 3 small children to your job (which I assume you're away from said wife/children) for? And you want greater sexual repertoire? Go fuck yourself, I'm sure you can manage that.

OP - just trying to give you a bit of honest insight rather than tearing you apart - I have one 5yo child. One of the biggest personal shocks for me on becoming a mother is how my body no longer felt like my own - childbirth, I was breastfeeding, constantly picking up and putting down, rocking, carting about, and being climbed over, prodded, pulled and pinched.

It was a weird detachment and it was very very hard to get back to a place where I could even remember what it felt like to feel sexy.

And this is just with one child. I have he utmost respect for women who cope with three!

It takes care, patience, kindness and more patience to rediscover this, with no pressure, just gentleness and consideration. Maybe book her a massage, and hair appointment, arrange a babysitter and book a romantic dinner. Without any expectation of sex by from the point of view of wanting to care for her and make her feel special. Good luck x

I think people are taking the piss because he reckons he’s the CEO of a large firm.. well, I don’t really know what to say but it’s pretty lucky to land a job like that without being able to string a simple sentence together properly!

^ or without knowing what “in-laws” means 🙄

Haha, show me one high school bully who cares about spelling. They are usually not the most sophisticated bunch of people.

@captainbirdseye1 wow i think people have been overly sensitive to your post and very rude!!

All i would say is that your current situation doesn't make for a good time to 'spice' up your sex life or get up to anything as you say 'naughty' (everyone needs to calm down on how you word it, not exactly how i would put it but if thats how you describe it then so be it) ... In laws, working full time, 3 kiddies and a house refurb doesn't make for nights of passion and most likely more so makes for 9.30 bed times with not a lot of time in between.

I think when you finally move into your place, you could maybe arrange for child care and go out for the evening doing things you both enjoy - do something exciting!! ... i think in order to keep your sex life going well - you need to want to have sex - if that makes sense and a night of 1-2-1 that you have arranged might change the dynamics.

Let her have a lie in at the weekend, surprise her with a show or something she enjoys, even arranging for a sitter while you cook for her or get in a take away would be nice... then and you might find your sex life is more fun?

Introducing new things is defiantly something i would wait to do until, a. your in your own home, b. you try get things back up and running in the bedroom and c. only if she is up for it in any way ... id personally take porn off the table unless she brings it up - it could come across insulting to think you want to watch other people!

Good luck

Didnt see @ImogenTubbs post before posting my own but yes totally agree with this!

It's not naughty, it's making sweet, sweet love to your 100% real wife. Who, seemingly, is also your sister

^😂 brilliant

All that talk of 'naughty' 'naughtiness' made me feel sick tbh 🤮

I dont understand. You have built-in childcare. Why arent you taking your wife out on dates, or away for the weekend?

Take over the housework for a couple of weeks. The most alluring thing a man can do is the hoovering and washing up.

You need to knock off that whole foot massaging and foot tickling racket. If having sex is a "reward" as some of the crones here think, so are those things and you have nothing to reward for.

What parties start before 10 PM (even that would be early)?

You must live in a different universe to me. I've never been to a party that started anywhere near that late.

Sethis David Cameron 😂

Agree with all your posts btw

What does your wife think?

Does she want more sex? What sort of sex does she want? What practical things need to happen to enable her to feel in the mood?

OP has spent too much time watching porn and it has eroded his brain

Porn clearly has a corrosive effect on syntax.

Porn clearly has a corrosive effect on syntax.

Clearly untrue or 99% of men would be unable to communicate. even through mime.

I think your responses have been very unfair. I'm a married woman with my hubby for 33 years & totally get where you're coming from. Some people just seem to have higher sex drives than others sadly!