Dating thread 140 - Why????

[RunsforCake14]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

@changeoflife I think people hide a lot on these things, so maybe he was oversensitive or just odd. Lucky escape you'll find! If my date doesn't happen next week, I'm buying those sexy knee high boots and I'm heading out into town!

Hi all, it’s been a while since I posted on here but I’ve been following from afar!

@vet been loving your Canadian story - gives us all some hope.

@runs, I think I’m with you - ready to give up!

Had a third date planned for weds and he just stopped taking to me! He lives on my road so that’s going to be fun!

Then second date with another guy who rung the night before and was acting keen - I messaged two hours before we were due to meet and then he sent me this long convoluted message as to why he could no longer meet. If I hadn’t have chased, would he have just let me go and stand there like a mug??

I’m so confused!! And it keeps knocking me down. Where do I go from here? There’s only so many times you can get back on the horse!

@changeoflife it's his loss and like Eesha says you've more than likely had a lucky escape!
I suppose everyone's on these sites for their own reasons and have their own story. I was once guilty of joining too soon after a nasty break up and then realised OLD wasn't what I needed so I did just delete everyone and everything to do with it. I probably left a few guys thinking "wtf?!" But it's what I needed to do for me at the time I guess
Saying that, I'd not actually arranged to meet anyone 🤷🏼‍♀️

I'm feeling the same Popple. I'm actually really fed up with the whole thing. I had a break from it all over the summer, joined again a couple of weeks ago and am completely disillusioned all over again. I still have primary school aged kids so getting out and exploring lots of new interests isn't really possible. Just wish I could meet someone outside of OLD but given I've been single for 6 years now, and I've not met anyone other than through OLD I keep coming back to it in the hope that surely it's my turn to meet someone decent?!!

@NorthernFlowerHouse oh the old counselling date! Not fun or sexy at all is it!!

@Popple123 did he say can’t meet just that one time or at all? Did he suggest another time

I am still here and didn’t get round to talking to Mr Anxious. I’m not a cowardly person but it always seems like he has a whole load of crap in his life! Anyway I am going to some function with him tonight and this is his last opportunity to show me what I am letting myself in for... I feel like I need to give myself that final time as well as I just feel so confused. He’s got a lot of good things about him I just don’t know if they are enough to make it work for me. And I can talk to him tonight because I feel like I’ve heard a lot of what he wants and needs and not said what I want and need

@PookieDo I'm just wondering after reading your threads about MrAnxious, shouldn't it be much easier than this for you in any relationship. It always sounds like you are having to jump through hoops because he has these issues

Hi everyone, could really use some advice here, i'm in a mess
Also i will admit to breaking the forum rules (over investing)
(long post alert!)

I think i have been the victim of a lovebombing ghoster! Can you please tell me if i have?
About a month ago i posted on the last dating thread about a guy i had met online (Mr LongDistance) who lived roughly 500 miles away and whether or not long distance relationships were worth it or not.

I think it was the lovely @Cakecrumbs that gave me really good advice!
I decided to give it a go but looking back on all the messages i feel like such a damn fool as i can see how far too quickly it progressed!

So he would message me every morning, all throughout the day and evening, very romantic lovey dovey style messages making me think i had found someone that really liked me. He made me believe that we were in a relationship and that we were so good for each other. I knew it was far too soon to be thinking and feeling this way but a pathetic part of me genuinely thought i had maybe found the one for me.

Spoke about flying up to meet me after a week of talking, he did actually do that and we met 3 weeks after we first started speaking. The weekend we met i had a few wobbles about the whole long distance thing, i sat him down and said that LDR's are really tough and a lot of hard work especially emotionally. I asked him if he was 100% sure about carrying on this type of relationship, he said yes. Even though the thought of an LDR scared the hell out of me, i was willing to try it because i had fell for this guy. (Yep i had over invested too quickly)

Then when he flew back home i could tell something was off, his messages were few and far between, i asked if there was anything wrong but he always said everything was fine and continued to call me his usual pet name for me.
Then on Friday i'd had enough of now being the only one to initiate the usual good morning text(and all the other messages) so i waited all morning to see if he would get in touch but he never did. This was so different to how he had been before. So at lunch time i sent a message saying i was confused with the way the last few days had been and what was going on?

He has read the message and not responded.
I have never met this type of person before in my life so this whole episode has thrown me completely.

Have i been lovebombed? Why the hell would someone fly up to meet me if they weren't 100% interested in me?
Was it the idea of an LDR that has changed his mind? He was the one that wanted to pursue it in the first place.

Sorry for the long winded post, i needed to get a lot of things off my chest. I was feeling pretty strong yesterday but this morning i just feel weak and teary. This whole episode has fucked me up massively and i feel like a massive bloody fool!

I've also just realised how massive that post was!

Sorry about that, didn't want to drip feed!

@HarryVonSkintBats do you think he just got caught up in it all too but now reality has kicked in. I had one similar date where he drove 100miles to see me but later said wasn't sure how things would work practically. After that he blocked me!

@HarryVonSkintBats he was caught up in the romance and hadn't really thought about the practicalities.

The visit forced him to think about that, plus he has now seen you are a real person, rather than the idealised version he has in his head. He went home and realised that the relationship in his head is not the same as the one in real life.

He didn't know how to say this to you, so fell back on the head in the sand tactics. He feels guilty for leading you on, but also feels bad telling you he got it wrong. So he avoids saying much at all.

Lots of people do this.

@Eesha i suppose that is possible he got caught up in it too, but he was the main driving force in progressing us to where we are (or were) so quickly. I mean he was talking proper lovey dovey style stuff such as:

• 'I just want to fall in love with you and start a whole new chapter in our lives'
• 'You're my dream girl'
• 'we are perfect for each other' This was all within 1 month of knowing each other yeah i can see the red flag...

I've no idea what's going through his mind or what is going on and i get the feeling that as i haven't heard anything since yesterday then there is a good chance i wont hear anything. Although he hasn't blocked me yet so god knows!

@Missillusioned yeah that sounds logical, i just feel so stupid for letting myself get carried away with it all. I purposely told myself at the beginning 'do not over invest!' and yet i did.

It just feels pretty brutal

@HarryVonSkintBats I think you just learn from these things, I prefer now meeting sooner rather than later as at least less risk of getting too emotionally invested. Don't beat yourself up too much, this thread has shown me this happens a lot and you are not alone. You know now you won't do this again!

Just seen a new dating app for 50 and overs. It's called Lumen. You apparently have to verify who you are by taking a selfie ( not shown on your profile ) to avoid fakes and catfishing

@RunsforCake14

I totally understand how you feel about about the lack of response, lack of teeth 😳, interest, etc from OLD, I feel exactly the same!

I’ve been on my own for 8 years now and have found no one of worth and I give up! I’ve left OLD alone several times over the years and always come back to it thinking it’ll be better but it never is 😥

Hi just joined today. Been great to read the advice, horror and happy endings on here. I've been single for 4 yrs and joined PoF 10 days ago. Never done OLD before, and am terrified! (But oddly excited!?).

I mentioned two irons on the last thread. Well I was in the area of one this week to meet friends, so we spontaneously met for a drink. It went well :) D messaged me later that evening suggesting that we go out for food next time, and we have been in contact every day since!!

I'm gonna write this here because there is literally nowhere else I can say it, but dear goddess I didn't notice how much I missed and was desperate for sex until that evening! (not even a kiss yet btw)

Great news @BeyondAdultHumanFemale, you have given me hope!

Hey just checking In!

@vet what a lovely end to OLD! Congratulations 😀

@Harry yep giving it all the 'you're my dream girl' when they don't know you properly will likely just have you rolling your eyes next time.

As for me I'm not on the apps and exclusively seeing mr runner. He's a throughly decent man, kind, into the same politics and books as me, got his head screwed on. I don't have the butterfly flips but it feels good to spend time with him so I'm seeing where it goes because I've never given a slow burn a chance before !

unapologeticallyhunhinged your post cracked me up about your disastrous date! I applaud you for laughing it off. I would have died, but laughed about it later. Many would have been destroyed by that treatment by your date (even though a lucky escape imo). I think it's 100% the key to dating successfully. Care less about it! Have a laugh, some fun and meet some nice (and some less so) people. I had a great time on OLD. But just get out there, be positive and expect very little. nuttienettie good luck and that advice is for you!

beyondadult sounds fabulous! When that libido is awakened, there will be no stopping you if you are anything like me! 2 dry years and now I need, want and get lots!

harryvon I second the advice from missillusioned. It is shit, but he is not for you, so consider it good that you know now. Chin up Lass!

northernflower until you told me me has not been in touch since, I would have said it is a good thing he felt he could trust you and open up in that way. I've had some treat me as a confidante and they either end up in the friend zone, unless it's the first step in building a deeper connection.

popple stay positive, keep your options open and you can and will make a success of it.

Old poster-long time lurker. Just wondering about a few things. As its now officially an actual dating thread ala Bendy & Kin ( Many congrats to the lovely couple) any thoughts as to how this is going to play out for the future.
I mean, is the thread going to continue down this rd of posters starting to date each other-if circs permit?! Are profiles the next step. Any thoughts on how to get more of a even split between the sexes?!
If you do meet someone and it go's tits up are you both allowed to post on the thread about your break up. Just wondering is all.

lordsuggsfailure let's hope not. On any of the above. I too am a long time lurker/occasional poster over the years. Each to their own. Not entirely sure it makes me comfortable that they both felt the need to come on, post their updates within the same day, making it absolutely obvious they had got together. It was glaringly obvious even to me and I didn't post much during their time on the threads. As I said, each to their own and good luck to them both.

Even though I am blocked on WhatsApp from Mr NoDate man yesterday, I woke this morning and sent this as a text:
So disappointing. A simple text would have sufficed. Manners and common courtesy cost nothing. You appear to lack both so I count myself lucky that in fact, I dodged a bullet.

I have no idea if he will receive it but I feel better for having the last word . Now I'm going to brush myself off and get back on the frigging saddle. At least I'll have muscled thighs I've ridden this particular horse for so bloody long!!

Harry and Popple the disappearing is the most frustrating and disillusioning (is that's a word!) Thing of online dating but I think you have to try really hard not to take it personally as realistically however well feel you've got to know someone in the early stages of chatting and maybe meeting once, there is little real investment at that point.

As Eesha perfectly puts it, there are usually reasons, even if just 'I've changed my mind'or 'I'm not ready' that could easily be put into a tactful message and square things away so it's maddening to be left hanging.

Sadly it's just part of the territory, it seems. And to be honest,

Harry do you really want to be in such a long distance relationship? There will be someone lovely who lives a bit closer by.

I met a guy last week though, perfectly nice but mutually zero spark and I got a really long, polite message explaining what a nice girl I was, how much I had going for me but he didn't feel a connection. Even then, I felt a bit patronised as I thought it was clear and we'd both just go our separate ways but for all he knew I was sat hoping he would text so I suppose the whole set up is awkward regardless of what we do!

Lordsuggsfailure don't be ridiculous

@changeoflife what makes you so uncomfortable with 2 people sharing their good news? 🤔