Dating thread 140 - Why????

[RunsforCake14]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Plus it helps that he is hot as chips. And laughs heartily when I fart (I'm a gassy bitch)

Hahaha!
It's nice when you can be your gassy self with someone! 😂

I’ll persist with it and report back Thanks for the info

Question please advise:
What's the done thing when you've clicked with more than one guy on first dates and have second dates coming up with a few and regular messaging with all of them?
I don't understand the ettiquette, is it ok to keep going with all of them until I know them better? There's five but think one can be eliminated quite quickly.
I had a drought for ages but have suddenly caught some really nice (so far) guys.
Also, how to fit them all in, currently a waiting list so some are waiting two weeks to meet me again (not stealth boast I promise)
I guess natural selection means they might live on anyway to someone else or go off me on second meetings!

UnapologeticallyUnhinged I like to meet up asap. I don't even do the phonecall first as I find it really uncomfortable. I need face to face before I have a real idea whether we'll get on.

@UnapologeticallyUnhinged I’ve just nearly choked on my morning coffee “shock fart” hahaha.
Sounds like something that would happen to me. I am very accident prone and have been known to fart on occasions if that makes me unladylike then so be it. I want to met a guy who is a gentleman and not judgmental.

@dragonflyflew
Yes it's absolutely ok to keep dating as many as you want for as long as you want. Just be straight and up front with them all.
Chances are by date 3 or 4 (if you get that far!) you'll start to favourite one or two anyway!

wishywashy6 thank you, yes that's what I'm hoping, that time will tell! There's definitely one who gives me more frisson than the others but that's not always a good thing.
I'm quite clear about the multiple datings and I know at least two are definitely going on other dates too.

Yes @Dragon just as long as you don't make any claims to be exclusive with anyone it's fine to continue until you've got to know them better after a few more dates by which time you'll have started to get a better idea of who has long term potential.

Had a really awkward second date last night and now feel a bit shit about myself.

Met a gorgeous bloke last week on a dinner date. Met at his last night (I got a trustworthy gut feeling) and he ordered dinner for us.

I noticed that the convo was a bit stilted compared to last week's chemistry fest but didn't say anything.

After a while he tells me he's sorry to be distracted but that he'd got a message from an ex of 1 year ago saying she's met someone new and it had been a bit of a kick in the balls although he'd been getting over it nicely.

I totally get it. I really do. I have an ex I'd feel like that about and it sounds as though the ex was shit stirring a bit- they don't have kids or mutual friends or anything so he didn't really need to know.

It felt shitty though to be second best in the room and I didn't know what to do, whether he wanted to be alone so ordered an uber and politely said I thought best if I let him have some time to himself. It was cancelled so i let him persuade me to stay for dinner.

He wanted to talk about his feelings about the ex and why it didn't work out which is fine, he needed to talk but now feel less like a desirable potential partner than a relationship counsellor. The timing was just really awkward as we still didnt know each other that well.

I feel I'm sounding all precious and self centred here but feel he should've cancelled if it was that big of a deal.

Sorry, to be clear, he didn't just mention it in passing in the first instance, he wanted to talk at some length.

@NorthernFlowerHouse how awkward, I probably wouldn't see him again or just let him make it up to me big time!

dragonflyflew I had this myself back in the summer....... I ended up going on 3 separate dates with them and made a decision at the end of that....... I think by date 3 you should really be knowing whether it has legs or not or start to know someone better😊

@northernflowerhouse

I'm so sorry you had that experience and it totally does feel like bad timing for you both...... my initial reaction was he totally should have cancelled but then I reflected a bit.

However, I wouldn't bin him off just yet. It might be a good idea to see if you can talk to him about it and how it made you feel.....

Dating can dig up all sorts of emotions for us (esp. after a breakup) quite unexpectedly and while he might have made you feel like second best I'm unsure whether this was intended on his part, it probably just unraveled him a bit at the seams?

I wonder if he didn't cancel because he didn't want to let you down - catch22.

If there is anything I have learnt about my dating experience is that men have just as hard a time getting over an ex as we do - it doesn't necessarily mean that they are still in love with them but they still have some stuff to process. I guess the question he should be asking himself - is he really ready to date?

Are any of us really ever ready to date again? It's taken me a while (1yr) and even though my relationship ended by my own choice and was the final nail in the coffin - I am still terrified of meeting someone and feeling something again, because it opens you up to become vulnerable.....

I don't know - I'd say give him a chance, esp. as it went so well on date one. Go and do something fun together that doesn't put you in a situation of that intensity.

Good luck xx

@NorthernFlowerHouse I'd agree with everything @VixenSixen has said!

I agree with the 3 date thing

I'm often undecided on date 1 (though it's often clear if it's a no) but by date 3, I definitely know if I'm going to move forward with them or not

Last night I spotted a man on my POF matches, a bit older than I'd go for usually but sounds nice and doesn't live too far away, on his profile it says he's looking for friendships and possibly more with the right woman. He's 54 but it says 49 on his profile, he admits this and says he can't change it. Anyway, I would like to find some new male friends, for some no pressure male company so I messaged this morning to ask if he's genuinely looking for friendship, and got a very short reply to say he is. So what the hell do I say now?

Likeriding - I had a date with 49 year old but I found out recently he was 54. Wonder if it’s the same chap....

I was gonna say that sounds familiar! Is there a pub quiz near you? I always found them to be fun with someone I wasn't sure of, because let's face it you're never going to win with two of you but you can have a good laugh (as long as they aren't super serious or mega competitive!)

Milomonster This guy has his actual age in his profile, so he doesn't seem to be hiding it. He suggests going to the cinema in his profile, I suppose that limits conversation but gives you a chance to have a look at each other. It's odd approaching this as friends from the outset.

Thanks Eesha and Vixen he's not been in touch to try and make it up to me and on reading Vixen's message I texted to say I hope he's ok. Nothing back so I've archived the chat. You're totally right in that breakups are no easier for men and getting that same message from my last ex would have knocked me for six so I don't have any hard feelings but won't be giving him any more thought!

Tonight is Mr Very Keen to the point I'm on the alert for love bombing but he seems nice!

@NorthernFlowerHouse sorry to hear this, his loss really. But at least have the decency to tell you he is sorry and not ready. Surely a more mature person would do this, I know I would! This kind of behaviour annoys me, so easy just to explain but instead just disappears. Definitely onwards and upwards!

Jeez why are people so odd?! Been chatting to a man from Tinder since last Sunday. Plans for a date today. Not loads of messages this week but enough to keep up a level of contact before the date. I got a message at 3:30pm yesterday to say he had deleted Tinder. Thought it was a bit premature for that given we haven't met yet but I didn't comment, it's up to him what he does. I replied to him at 6:30 as I was busy up until then.... one grey tick on WhatsApp., photo gone.... I've been blocked!!
WTF?!!!

@changeoflife that's crap. I swear these people just do it for ego boosts or penpals. I had a date a while back, we agreed distance was too far, then I too was blocked! So dramatic! If I were you, just go out anyway and enjoy yourself with a friend. I'm due to have a date next weekend and half expecting the same!

Yeah I won't lose too much sleep over it @eesha but I will just never understand why men do that. Checked back through the last few messages and there definitely wasn't anything in them that was offensive or could have been taken the wrong way. Just weird. Unless it was because I didn't reply to him deleting Tinder message quick enough.... not a lot I can do about that, I was actually busy and didn't get a chance. Time to go shopping I think. Shoes are way better than men anyway