Dating thread 140 - Why????

[RunsforCake14]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

@Lovemusic33 That happened last night with me and MrYoung - profile pic quite young looking with dark hair - not my type. By the time we chatted more, he sent an up to date pic looking 5 years older and salt n pepper hair (put that together with being tall and he was right up my street ). I'm changing my previous advice. Go on the date, he might surprise you

@wishywashy6 Thank you. That's all the encouragement I need

There’s something about him which is very off putting, sounds horrible but he looks a bit creepy like the type of person you see on a murder documentary (the creepy murderer), you know, the one people say ‘well he does look a bit odd’ when they see his face on the news 🤣

@JeSuisPrest yes how scary does it feel! The thing is just try and enjoy yourself and not read too much into things - ha says me who’s going through last night minute for minute in my head!

The way I see it is I’m feeling more confident and love the fact that I am in control of my me time. So refreshing after dealing for years with my controlling ex!

Speaking on the phone first is a good move! You’ll have to let us know how it goes! All very exciting.

Mr Hot from last night can be quite elluff (can’t spell that word) on WhatsApp. Anyone else find the fact you can see when they’ve read or not read messages annoying?!

@Lovemusic33 murder documentary 😂😂😂 he sounds a real catch!! Go on the date!!

@JeSuisPrest honestly think it boils down to the 2 people involved, age is just a number so go for it! Try not to get carried away thinking of the ifs/ buts and reasons not to go or why it might not work. Just enjoy the moment and if it's meant to be it'll work out I figure 🤷🏼‍♀️

yes I agree, lots of photos are rubbish. Mine aren't great. Not everyone takes a good picture! I think women are kinder with this and tend to not judge men as harshly!

koko all the fwb I've had have been purely that. Don't ask what the other person is doing. Don't get emotionally involved. I am genuine friends with them though. So one is now no longer a FWB but a friend as he met someone. But we carry on seeing each other but go out for dinner or to the cinema. I have only ever had 2.

I am confused this morning. Went on a date with MrNY1 yesterday. It was really wonderful. He was fat, as I thought but that doesn't bother me. He's not the most attractive man I've ever met but his words were incredible and he made me feel amazing. BUT he has a totally unconventional lifestyle. I mean ridiculous. He has a band he tours with, he DJs. Whatever money he makes he ploughs back into making films. He said his November is mad but after that, if something happens, he will shift things around to make it work.

I can't decide in my head whether to give it a go or not. The reason it's important is that if we sleep with each other, he wants to be exclusive. Which I totally understand. But up to this point, I have been seeing a number of people, none of which were right but on and off so I would need to stop all of that. And tbh, if someone WAS right for me, I would stop everything else.

It's too early to tell obviously, but I need to think this one through as I don't think it will be long till we make it to bed and at that point, I need to have decided!

have cancelled MrFridayNight for tonight as I know he would have expected me to dtd and it just doesn't feel right now.

crimson I've really been thinking about your words too. Do I really want someone to live with me again? I have been single and living with only the dcs (and one has left home now) for 6 years (bar 2 short relationships, neither of whom lived with me, both lasted 6 months), this is really my first time OLD. I am SO used to my own company and love my space. Maybe a traditional thing is not what I want.

@DaffoDeffo Suppose it's your call, you could go exclusive with him and always go back to OLD if it doesn't work out?

I personally don't think sleeping with someone once equates to being exclusive with someone though. I think it's still very much part of the getting to know whether you want to be exclusive with that person stage.

The whole lifestyle thing I guess is who he is, so if you're not comfortable with it or would struggle to accept it then maybe he's not the one for you 🤷🏼‍♀️

wishywashy it's not so much that I don't like his lifestyle. It's just that I have a 830-530 job, Monday to Friday with a 80/90 mins commute each end. Exh had a different hours job to me and it wasn't easy and I still wonder whether the fact that we were working on different times contributed to us drifting apart. It's hard to have and maintain a relationship when you're working different hours. But I don't have small children now. This was a big factor with kids, but less so now when I have more time.

I think everyone defines their boundaries differently. When I started OLD, I never thought I would see more than one man at a time. As it has happened, I ended up doing that and dtd with more than one. But none of them were right. And I do want an exclusive relationship eventually despite the number of men wanting ethically non monogamous relationships out there

@DaffoDeffo I think with practicalities like that, if both parties are serious about wanting that kind of relationship with each other, they make it work. I don't think it's a reason to not give it a shot if you feel that way about him otherwise 

@DaffoDeffo posted too soon sorry!

I set out not wanting a monogamous relationship as such, just wanted to date several and keep it casual.
Didn't work out like that though 🤦🏼‍♀️😂

Yes whoknows the whatsapp thing really annoys me - I try not to overthink it!

I'm 47 and all the men I'm attracted to seem to be younger than 40!

It does seem to me however that there is something amiss with a lot of 40 something men. If I encounter someone pushy, rude or downright weird you can guarantee he's in his 40s. The men in their 30s tend to be much nicer. The worst seem to be divorced 40 somethings.

The WhatsApp thing doesn't bother me. I'm a busy person and often read a message then get broken off and don't get chance to reply until later. I accept that it's the same for guys too, if they're interested they'll reply when they can. If not, they're not worth stressing over!

@Stapler99

No it's not bad at all! As long as you're straight and up front with people, you're free to do whatever (or whoever!) makes you happy
I also left a sex/loveless marriage about 3 years ago (together for 14years!) so sex is massively important for me now too!
Get hat boy into bed, if it's great then go for it. If not get some more FWB so you don't get too emotionally involved with the one you already have.... unless he wants the same thing?!

Have fun!

@dragonflyflew OK, I know who he is. Don't blame you for giving him a swerve 

@stapler - I'm pmsl about acorn penis - what the hell is that!?

As for thoughts about living with a partner again - echoing others, same here. I just can't see myself being interested in sharing my space with a man again. I like time to myself, no obligations, no expectations.

MrFridayNight is really upset I have cancelled tonight and I've agreed to see him for a coffee. I told him I still wasn't feeling well (this is true) but he took it so badly. He said me cancelling the date was devastating arghhhhh. I think he has over invested in me - I was very honest and told him I was still doing dates with other people (as was he - you may remember, when we went on a date, there was someone from POF whatsapping him!).

Afternoon all, thought I'd update on coffee date yesterday...well, after panicking for several hours and considering cancelling I thought F$$$ it and went. He is not a looker by any means, his photos made him seem attractive in a weird kind of way. But we sat chatting for 2 hours straight and we seem to be on same wavelength: no awkwardness chatting, open and honest....he kept complimenting me and asked to kiss me which was enjoyable. We seem to have a chemistry that I can't explain, as i say he's not a looker. He has been very flirty since yesterday and I have told him we can meet again (not for a while due to kids/work etc) and see how it goes. He is very confident that he has a good chance. Maybe he does but I don't know yet. He seems very caring, confident, knows what he wants (me apparently), not up himself too much, asks about me and seems to want to help me boost my self esteem. Like the convo we initially had, he has continued this but he says it's cheeky banter and he is respectful that I need time etc.

I'm still being uber cautious as what are the chances of meeting someone that you should be with because you just work on the first go after 20 years with 1 man??

I agree with wishywashy on whatsapp. I sometimes don't get back to people for ages because I'm busy (unless it's confirming meeting etc.). But when I'm trying to set up arrangements, it infuriates me when people don't get back to me grrr.

scotgal it's just as likely to be the 100th person as the 1st person really! When you bump into one that works, you just do, I'm not sure there's a rhyme or reason to it :).

I'm always slightly suspicious of the uber confident man who claims to know everything you want in one date :) but he does sound worth pursuing!

Another one on the keeping-my-independence bandwagon. It might be an age thing. I'm 56 on Friday - FGS! - and I just can't see what benefit a long-term, live-in partner would be to me, or what I could do for them. I like me and my space, I can cope with the occasional lonely weekend, I like the variety of sex I'm getting after far too long with my ex (who I suspect may have fallen into the acorn penis bracket), and the chats I'm getting with the FWBs and irons too. If the thunderbolt strikes, so be it, but monogamous partnership - for me, at least - is an outmoded construct.

Afternoon ladies. So after telling MrOld last night If he didnt engage with me on WhatsApp I was going to draw a line under it, he contacted me this morning apologising 'for any misunderstanding, if thats what I wished then he respected that' WTF? I write something, you reply, I reply, it's called conversation...not sure what there is to misunderstand? Anyway, he's asked if we can try again. I agreed yes, if he was a little more engaging. I know he's working today (manual job so he can't just text whilst he works), but if I don't hear from him tonight, I'm out of there.

Now onto MrYoung, who is giving me proper fizzy knickers . He said he had something to confess before we met.... he's got a tattoo and a tongue piercing. My POF profile was explicit about these not being for me. He says he'll take the piercing out and wear a shirt that covers the (arm) tattoo. Then I felt bad that he felt he had to change himself so we've agreed if the tongue stud bothers me, he'll take it out. We've also both hidden our POF profiles until after our date on Monday - he said he'd deleted his, he didnt ask me to do anything with mine, but given our level of communication I don't mind this. He's definately growing on me and I'm glad he was honest with me before I met him, giving me the opportunity to call it off. We'll see what Monday brings, but we've got a lot more in common than with MrOld, who I barely know anything about other than he was knocking down a wall yesterday

@Stapler99 what is acorn penis?!?!
Right - so After I chickened out of meeting Mr Perfume I then contacted him again and he said he had decided to not date for a while and now his profile is gone.. oh well
Just signed up to Bumble. I don't understand how it's matching me to guys do go live miles and miles away when I've said 30 miles - anyone know why?