Dating thread 140 - Why????

[RunsforCake14]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

I agree - one of the most annoying timewasters i ever got chatting to was a 47 year old professional man. men of that age often seem to have a pick of ladies, particularly if they're reasonably attractive/good body and a profession....Also, things i always look out for - they're mid to late 40s and longest relationship is less than 5 years with no kids. Now, I know there may in circumstances be perfectly good reasons for this like a demanding profession/illness/caretaking or whatever, but i'd say the majority of these men are just players of the field or can't commit / can't manage a relationship for whatever reason

whoknows - i tend to invite people over by 2nd or 3rd date....have been to their house that early too - if you feel comfortable, know who they are on social media - i say go for it!

I am not disheartened as I am rarely active online and certainly not proactive. Just mulling over my experiences, older and wiser I suppose. I am on match occasionally and would describe myself as stale bread on pof, although I seem to be locked out of that site now. Nothing surprises me or disappoints me as I have zero expectations. On those sites you list your actual age not age bracket. It is like searching for the Holy Grail. I am not looking to live with anyone again, it would just be nice to find someone that has my back and spend my time in male company for a change. Every now and then when every one at work is talking about partners I do wonder how they have someone and I cannot. Saying that having met their partners I know I would not not want them even if they were available. Destined to be on my own forever I think.

Thanks supercalli77!

Will be interesting to see where he lives and be in a more relaxed environment!

I wouldn't want to be with my friends' partners either. I often wonder how they put with some of them.

I know I'm not going to meet someone perfect, I mean who is? But I think there is a lot to be said about knowing your self worth and being prepared to wait instead of jumping into something with someone just for the sake of it (something I did in my 30s when I felt I had to be in a relationship or something was wrongcwith me).

This chat on age is very interesting. Today I had a meet with mr young,he is 38 and i'm 47. We did the dog walk and I know I didn't look my best(hair flying about,wellies and pillow lines as it was early). My last two relationships were men in their early fifties,but both had grown up children and they just wanted to holiday at every opportunity. One reliving his youth and going on every stag do,football tour,city booze up going. The next saying on the four weeks he has off a year,he likes to go abroad. I have a son of 11 and can't. Now thinking the younger ones may have more ties at home and can see that I have responsibilies. Its so hard work all this!

Mmm, I would not waste my time on someone 11 years younger, surely you will both want different things out of life and are at different stages. That said well done for actually getting a date and getting out there.

crimson,i think you are right. Will put my age range in the forties I think. There really isn't a great selection on pof at the mo,infact,the same faces that were on there a few years ago when I was on!?

I've got high standards too and not interested in having a man live with me either. I wouldn't want to be with any of my friends partners...the majority do everything for their men at home and/or lacklustre sex lives as well. My role model is my cousin who has perfected the partner but not living with her situation to a T.
Keeps them on their toes!

So I've clarified with MrLondon that we are having a fling due to different life goals which is fine, I'm in the mood for that. I'm not sure there is chemistry with Mr Geek so going to see how this pans out. Got a quick coffee date with someone older and more local this week.
Very much like buses at the moment

Oh god, I would hate to be a regular face on an online dating site. I never considered people could be on it years. I suppose I have dipped in and out, but permanently I just couldn't stick it.

Regards age, it is really personal. Some people are mature for their age. Others are immature. In saying that, I wouldn't meet someone 11 years younger, that's a bit of a stretch for me. A few years is as low as I'd go.

As far as being a regular face on sites that cannot be helped really. Even when I let my match subscription end your details are still online although it may show your activity is months ago. Yes you can be there for years, but when I see other men and recognise them from years ago I also think they are in the same situation as me. Does not mean nobody wants them. I could not be having an intimate relationship with someone I met and still doing the online dating thing with others. Not judging but I would not like that if someone was doing that to me. My issue is always lack of chemistry, certainly on my side and lack of any decent men. I invited someone I met on old round to see my new house at the weekend. I have known him for a few years as we kept in touch. Again lack of chemistry for me at the time, also always wanted to engage in deep meaningful conversations. He turned up with an expensive bottle of champagne which was really kind and generous. However again wanted deep conversations about quite mundane things and I felt myself switching off.

@whoknows11 so my first ever link up with someone off OLD was a guy who was 7 years younger than me (I'm 35) 🤣😂 - we were both absolutely clear about what we wanted, neither of us wanted a relationship and I was fresh out of a long term relationship (7.5yrs) and just wanted to have fun.

I went to visit him in Bournemouth 2+ hrs away from where I lived - before I went I had done multiple phone calls, video calls and he gave me his address, work address and even a copy of his driving licence so I could send it to my mum & friends 🤣😂 lol. So I felt pretty safe .... Had a back up plan for what would happen if I felt uncomfortable at any point.

Looking back I think that's probably one of the riskiest things I've ever done in my life but the gamble paid off. I certainly wouldn't do it now - I always meet in a public place for all my dates now until I've got to know someone properly.

How well do you know this guy and do you feel comfortable in his presence? You're in a 3rd date with him so you should get a reasonable feel about how he is likely to be.

As for the dating question..... I am 35. My age criteria is set 28-43. I attract a lot of younger men. Most of the men my age I never seem to match with or get completely the other end of the spectrum and much older. I get on better with younger guys - not sure why this is but it works for me. I'm quite young at heart so still into going out, partying, doing random stuff. I guess I'm living now like I should have done in my 20s. But I wasted a good portion of my life in long term relationships. Hey h

@whoknows11 - me and Mr28YrOld are still in regular contact..... Lol

As far as I know, when you come off a site your photo does not stay up there. Any profile that says last onsite, be it 2 weeks or 2 months has not deactivated their account and is still open to messages.

Open to be corrected but I don't think you remain up there crimson

I'm 45 and I put a range of 46 - 53, I'm planning a second date with my one and only prospect who's 54, his age is wrong on POF but he explains in his profile so isn't hiding it, so he slipped through on a technicality. I definitely don't want a younger man, I'm slightly concerned about the age difference but he so far ticks all other boxes so I'm going with it. One of my main learning points so far is that many men take bad selfies, bad angles, wrong light etc. so if it's potentially worth a first date if they tick other boxes. Mr PB I didn't fancy from his photo (messaged him as potential friends because I liked his words) but I did fancy him in the flesh and under a good light.

Like 9 years isn't a huge gap. Good luck with it!

@vixensixen

I do get good vibes from him but I guess it’s like meeting a guy in a bar and going back to his place. Although this situation I’ve already met him twice.

We went bowling for our second date on sat and I hadn’t been bowling in years! He made me feel relaxed in his company though so have a good feeling about him!

Just realised I’m eating carbonara which has garlic in it!!!!!

So how do you get the garlic taste out of your mouth and fast?!

Talking of garlic, I went for a second date with someone who had obviously eaten it recently. Apart from lack of chemistry that did it for me. We went bowling, seemed like an ok idea, but would not try that again, think it is better to sit down and talk to try and get to know one another. Yes I might be wrong about still being online even when you let your subscription end, mind I have seen men online and it says they have not been active for 3 months, that is on match.

@VixenSixen I'm 36 and I'm with a 25year d I met on OLD 
Age didn't really mean anything to me although I hadn't set out to find a younger guy necessarily! We just clicked when we started chatting on OLD and it just went from there. He's certainly more mature than some of the older guys I met/ chatted with online!!
A bit like you, I do find I get on better with younger guys generally anyway, not sure why 🤷🏼‍♀️

I wouldn't let age alone put anyone off if they tick all the other boxes, you may be pleasantly surprised!

*old not d!! Although the d is very good .... 🤔😂

HereIgoagsinxx Thanks, it's not a huge gap, I'm just used to someone the same age. It's not a problem really.

The best fwb I ever had was 7 or so years ago. He was 26 and I was 34. It was never going to be a relationship because I wanted kids in my future and he definitely didn't for a long time. Still think of him fondly haha

Hello peeps, well just as I had decided i couldn't fit anyone into my life, my first online date reappears, the one who said i looked bigger than my pics 😶. We actually had quite a fun date though clearly he wanted sex so he ended up deleting me when I'd said no. He was POF and we got chatting again, I think I just enjoy his obnoxious self pursuing me like mad though I've said I won't be DTD only because I know I'd get emotionally attached! Not exactly Mr Wonderful but fun getting chased

Eesha He actually said that

Had a weird moment where I matched with someone and before I had a chance to start a conversation I got matched with another profile with the same pictures as the first but with a different name and age