Dating thread 140 - Why????

[RunsforCake14]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Hmmm he could just be overly excited about meeting you and trying very hard to let you know he's interested 🤷🏼‍♀️
It's really down to you, if you think he's worth a meet then overlook the cheesy shite and go for it, he maybe very different in person!

For me personally I wouldn't have got past the first picture request and the nail thing I think I'd have had to ask him wtf he was made of 😳!

If you're meeting somewhere public then I'd be inclined to say go for it, just don't be afraid to tell him to pipe down if he's too much and you're not feeling it ☺️

@wishy-washy yes I have to stop being so polite lol. His profile didn't have a pic of him. He sent one once we started talking and he sent another of himself late afternoon today (both times unprompted by me). I have an excuse ready to pull out of the hat if it's not going well. Thanks for the input

Oh jeysus I just went on a date with a bloke who was funny and interesting in texts, in RL he just told me story after story about engine parts and bits of metal. He didn't ask me one question about me, or anything actually. He laughed like a drain at his own stories and told me how witty he is. He bored me to tears and I tried so hard to laugh at the right places but it was excruciating. Back to the fecking drawing board.

@scotgal2017

Report back on how it goes! Fingers crossed he'll be slightly calmer in real life!

@flamingnoravera fingers crossed it's not like that and that you don't have to endure any more dates like that one lol.

@wishywashy6 I'll keep you posted hopefully he is!

Flaming my curls were calling reading your date update. Been there, got the t-shirt.

Onwards and upwards, eh!

Any advice is needed for this one! I've arranged a 1st date for tonight with a guy I met in Bumble 2 days ago, he seems now but very keen. He asked me for my WhatsApp and asked me on the date which I said yes to. However he is SO FULL ON. Constantly texting, as in 4/5 texts in a row. I ended up saying I was going out last night so wouldn't be on my phone just for a break, but he still text me in the evening asking how I was etc.
Then this morning he text twice saying morning, as I'm typing his he's text AGAIN seeing if I'm ok?
I would rather keep texting to a minimum until tonight so we can properly chat but he's just constantly messaging. Do I sack it off?
And if I do how do I break it to him?

yes flaming there are a LARGE amount of men who only talk about themselves. SO much so I have sat down with my son this week to teach him the art of conversation (yes my child, ask the other person questions and be interested, even if you aren't!).

brainstormer this thread is full of communication mismatches. Those that like texts, those that don't. For the time being, I really wouldn't read that much into it. It is usually (with men) the other way round, so they are hardly texting you but i have had a few who are incessant and it totally puts me off. I wouldn't say anything now but when you see him later, tell him that you are not used to messaging to that degree and see what he does. It is funny how this mismatch rears its head so early on so often.

I have said goodbye to MrMusic and for those on the thread who've been here since the summer will know how long that has taken me . We have been seeing each other on and off since July but he never ever communicates, books stuff and cancels all the time. He just didn't really ever want me in his life. But then had days where he was all over me and when we met, it was always completely amazing. I suspect he was seeing other people, he always insisted he wasn't and just had a busy life. But we had 7 dates planned, we only managed 3 (he cancelled 4). We had a weekend away booked this weekend but i haven't seen him for 5 weeks and when I asked on Monday whether he was definitely going to turn up, he didn't reply. So I have taken the initiative and said goodbye and how we just weren't at the same life stage. We weren't truth be told. He was always dangling over me as we had such a good time together so it was actually really hard to say goobye but it was the right thing to do.

Seeing MrNY1 today hopefully, MrFridayNight tomorrow. Haven't got dcs for a few days because of half term so trying to do some dates during the week which is unlike me!

Brain,just say that you're not a big txter and that you're very busy in the day so the odd one is nice. Some men get so carried away and over love bombey! It's great we are on their mind but fgs. Or say you'd rather a catch up call in the evening.

Hi Ladies,

Can I join the club?

Very new to OLD (as in only had a profile for a few days).

My irons so far are:

MrOld (10 years older than me but really up my street looks wise - tall/silver fox/twinkly eyes and a practical sort - he messages me every day, but not continually just asking what I'm up to. Seems a little bit reserved but throws the odd innuendo in so I know he's interested in more than being pen pals. He lives about an hour away but I don't think that's an insurmountable issue.

Mr Runner - closer to me in age, lives locally, not sure about him looks wise yet - his profile pic is of him running but wearing sunglasses. He's obviously got a fit body but the face - who knows? He did make a monumental effort in his opening message though. I said I didn't like men who used the F word like confetti, and his message was mainly made up of words beginning with F (but it made sense, so it must have taken him ages). Then we had a nice polite chat and he went offline! No goodbye/I don't think you're my type but thanks for the chat.

MrSad This one is like pulling teeth. My type on paper, but he takes an age to reply to any messages, and then they're just one liners. I'm going to give him today to pull his socks up and then sack him off.

Had a horrible experience last night- was contacted by a bloke who was clearly only after a ONS, when I told him I'd be happy to meet for a coffee but I certainly wasn't in the market for a ONS he ripped me to shreds and blocked me.

I was so pleased to wake up to a lovely message from MrOld, made me feel safe and looked after (which is what I want).

Hello everyone, I haven't been on here for ages so just catching up.

@FuckMeThisIsFun It's so good to read such a positive post! I'm looking for multiple FWBs and lots of fun as well, so very glad to hear that it can work well. I have one in the bag already who is great and very stress-free. Some other posters on here are teaching me to channel my inner FUCKIT and stop mithering about ones who flake/ghost/generally aren't worth it, so fingers crossed I will find some more.

@shitwithsugaron It's so hard going through this after a divorce. BUT take it from me that getting involved with someone who turns out not to be single is far more painful so he has done you a favour and saved you much more agony by ghosting you. It will get better 

@dragonflyflew Pleeeease can we have some clues as to the gangster rapper??

I'm about a fortnight behind on posts so apols if things have moved on since, will try and catch up now 

Just started reading this thread and find it interesting and entertaining. I would be interested to know the ages of the posters who comment as I think we all come from a different place when using OLD. I am getting towards my late 50's and have been using OLD for several years on and off, yet to find anyone as I wont just settle. I would like to find someone that I have at least some attraction for, but that seems near impossible. The stories I could tell from over the years.... I haven't actually been on a date for quite some time, but decided to bite the bullet this weekend. As usual lovely man, but very nervous, told me it was because he wanted to make a good impression...I was not at all nervous as it was like meeting a friend for coffee and because basically I did not feel any attraction. Talked about himself alot, again I put this down to nerves. He actually said mid conversation if he could be blunt and wanted to see me again, I was a bit stunned but remained neutral about that comment. Trying to be more positive I thought I should may be at least give it another go for another meet up and give things a chance. Agreed to give him my number, since then no follow up text to say he enjoyed meeting etc, which I am slightly bemused about. Just reminds me it is a strange world out there and nothing surprises me lol.

Welcome "JesuisPrest* your Mrold sounds a bit similar to the man I am going on a date with on Thursday. He's 52 so technically is old. I turn 46 myself on Saturday so no spring chicken myself.

My MrOld is very courteous, which is new to me. It's sad I have got to this age with little experience of that, although my ex was a decent enough guy.

He rings and texts when he says he will, admits he is looking forward to our next date, is complimentary and no longer on the site so not actively looking for anyone else.

It feels very alien to me. I'm waiting for the catch

I agree with fobbing off one liners. I mean, we should all make some effort.

Hi crimson and welcome.

As above post, I'm 46, and like yourself dabbled in OLD on and off over the last 10 year's. Met my last ex on there and he was lovely but we were just too different in the end.

I found I got messages from a lot older men this time around (last OLD was 5 years ago) not sure if this is because I'm in the 45-plus bracket. Plenty of men on there though so plenty to chat to, but as usual the problem is finding someone you are attracted to, is looking for the same thing, lives a reasonable distance away and who you then click with.

I think it's fairly normal to talk about yourself when nervous. That wouldn't put me off, especially on a first date. I think another date is a good plan if there was some attraction.

I'm also 45 plus

I think I must look a bit young for my age as I get a lot of men in the 38 to 45 bracket liking me but I'm really after a man in the 45-55 age bracket as I find older men just work better with me.

This is really my first proper stab at internet dating so can't comment on any differences. Did it briefly last year but met someone within 2 weeks who I had a 6 month relationship with. So this is the first time I've done it properly so to speak.

Like you crimson my real problem is getting the sexual attraction plus emotional intimacy together. I get a lot of one or the other. Very rarely do I get them together. I also think the older you get, the more your standards improve (probably because you know what you want better, well you'd hope you do!).

Thanks @HereIgoagainxx. I've been out of the dating game so long (20 years) I've forgotten what it's like to be wooed (is that the word?). STBXH left 18 months ago (for another woman), and it's only now that I've been thinking about a future for myself. I've been so bogged down in the chaos of becoming a single parent/finances/ensuring DD comes out of this unscathed.

I'm 43 and he's 53 (I know it's not that old, but still older than me...) He's got grown up kids and my DD is still at primary school so we're at very different places. I'm very guilty of overthinking though, he's not even indicated he'd like to meet yet. I think he might be as nervous as me

Good to see posters are putting their ages and thank you for the welcome Hereigoagain. I just want to meet up with someone where there is a spark of attraction and I never seem elusive to me. I must admit I have become lazy regarding being proactive on OLD, possibly as a result of been there , done it etc. I go online to check for any messages and decide today is the day I am going to to make more of an effort. Within 5 minutes of searching I lose the will to live. I do not respond to men who do not put any effort in to messaging because if they cannot make the effort at this stage why would I be interested. They say you attract what you give out, but my god I squirm when I see the standard of men I seem to attract on the whole. I also seem to attract men in their early 20's and those well over 65. I am looking for someone age appropriate, so someone from mid fifties would be ideal. Men query my age from my photos even though they are recent, I do not look my age but I am beginning to think this is going against me.

I agree crimson, I think it does count against you (weirdly). You'd think it wouldn't but it does. I think the older men, who I know I get on better with, perceive that I may be too young when I'm not. The younger men, who I have tried to date but it never works out, think I look more their age but I act and feel far older (which is why it doesn't work).

I've gone through a stressful few weeks of just life stuff and have huge bags under my eyes now which are making me look a lot older!

Interesting DaffoDeffo, although I have not tried dating younger men, seems pointless. A couple of years either side of my age would be ideal, if I met someone where everything clicked I would like to think we had a good 10 years of reasonably good health left to enjoy it. I do not want to settle, but is it too much to expect some spark when you get to a certain age. Companionship would be nice, but I am not dead yet. I do wonder posting on here if I have let the good ones go over the years as they did not ignite anything in me. Unless it was a really bad date I usually agree to a second, but always regret it as soon as I see them walk towards me. I believe you should trust your instinct, but this instinct is getting me nowhere. If I ever make the effort again I am going to sit there looking for their positives instead of nit picking their faults.

crimson Oh, I know what you mean about losing the will to live. I look at some of the profile pics and cringe. There was one of a guy standing in front of a mirror. He'd taken the pic with his phone (clearly visible) and in the background was a messy kitchen with an ironing board and a towel (although could have been boxers) flung over it. I mean, come on lol

Another one was a man lying on his bed in a white singlet, photo angle highlighting a double chin.

I don't look my age either. I have got messages saying it and my friends have put me at late-3Os not 46. Unfortunately I don't live in a big city so that definitely impacts. I've got messages from men in their 20s and 30s but it's just too young for me.

My ex was 42. I see a big difference in maturity between the man I'm chatting to now. I've changed a lot in 10 years so it makes sense. I don't mind a 6 year gap. And I like that he was honest with his age. It's far more appealing to me that someone looks good for their age than bad for it.

It's ridiculous the men saying they are 45 when they are clearly 10-plus years older. They come up on searches for that age group and look ridiculous

What are people putting in as age range? I had in 42-53. Probably explains the men that contacted me.

I'm 39 and a complete OLD Virgin having been with one man since I was 17 and half. It seems to be slim pickings but I put my age bracket as 35 to 47 and the guy I have a coffee date with today is 45. I feel that I want someone who is past playing games, drama and isn't a manchild as had enough of that to last a life time....I'm aware men can be like this at any age but thought I would cut out some of this with a similar age range to mine. I did have a lovely message from a 32 year old a few days ago who seemed sweet but I told him I was looking for older dates. Don't know if that was wrong or not, time will tell.

Crimson the idea that you have missed the good ones isnt correct. People split up all the time, sadly people pass away. I can hear you feel a bit disheartened, but people meet and fall in love at any age all the time.

I have quite a large circle of friends of different ages and I see the single ones meeting people all the time.

I'm confident I'm a catch! Why wouldn't someone fall over themselves to date me? It's taken a good while for me to get to this belief and I am not prepared to settle either as I have a fulfilling and rich life.

Can I ask what site you are on? I was on match and elite singles. I didn't like elite singles as the pool of men in my area was small and it really was slim pickings. I cancelled that after two weeks

I put in 43 to 55 but have now changed it to 45 to 57 (I'm 45).

scotgal my two biggest game players were 45/46. Really, there are an AWFUL lot of men who don't settle down and out of the game playing till their 50s. My best relationships and best male friends are all in their 50s. Last boyfriend was 53 and exh was 10 years older and both worked fine. It wasn't the age that was the issue, it was other non age related things. I'm not saying your fella will be a game player, but sadly, don't think in their 40s it stops as it really doesn't!

I’m 37 and on a 3rd date tonight at his house!!!!

I’m excited but scared! Anyone else been to the daters house so early on?