Dating thread 140 - Why????

[RunsforCake14]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

whoknows I’d say just go with the flow and if it happens it happens. In my experience by 3rd date it won’t make a difference to whether they stick around or not. It was about the 3rd date with my ex and we lasted 4 years.

I agree with Koko, do what feels right. If it's been two years, I probably would

@Whoknows - 3rd date is usually when i'm wanting to :)

Thanks guys! Hopefully date number 3 happens! He’s been a bit quiet since date number 2 on sat night!

whoknows11 yes it drives me nuts when they do that. I know I’m definietly seeing date for second time at weekend as he’s booked and paid for tickets for something. However, I feel he’s been a bit off today since I called him out on something he’d exaggerated on. I’m pretty sure now he’s a player but had a good first date with him and enjoyed his company so still going to go ahead with the weekend as nothing better to do! Started looking for more irons though as I’m sure he will end up being flakey!

Koko12 - I feel exactly the same!!

Date 1 and 2 were great - lots of kissing and definitely a spark. But he’s been quiet today and yesterday!

I’m trying to let him do the chasing now!

@Whoknows11

Go for it if you're comfortable with it! I did it on date 2 (very nearly on date 1!) with the guy I'm with now, no regrets!
As others have said just go with the flow, no pressure or expectations but if it happens it happens - enjoy it ☺️

I've gone right off having my itch scratched, the last bf wasn't really very good in bed and has put me off a bit.
I've never actually had a fwb. I'm either all in or all out,i think I would get too emotionally involved. I did have a few one night stands the other year and they messed with my head.

I'm chatting to a few but no dates on the horizon,two have vanished on me and mr 'i'd rather go running than walk dog with you' txt a few times today but I've ignored!

@scotgal2017 - definitely don't entertain the weirdos if they make you feel uncomfortable and unmatch, block or delete the conversation......

A few things I couldn't have navigated my online dating journey without are listed below:

1. Amy Young - YouTube - American dating coach type person and a bit bonkers but everything she has to say is absolutely spot on. Well worth a lot!

1. Matthew hussey - English Dating Guru. Also on YouTube. Has some great videos and a book called how to get the guy which has all sorts of tips and advice in it.

1. Sherry argar - Why men love bitches - an amazing book and helped me loads in helping me get my head around setting standards for myself. My self esteem was in tatters after a long emotionally abusive relationship so it made me see things a bit differently and helped me a lot.

1. dalexis - Mindful Attraction 2.0 another YouTube sensation..... New York based this time. This man is amazing.

Of course some fantastic advice here on the forum too 💖😍

@VixenSixen thanks for the advice. I have heard of Matthew Hussey (and seen him, wowsers lol). Sherry argar sounds interesting as STBXH was abusive and I don't have great self esteem so will check her out.

I am meeting a guy for coffee tomorrow. He seems nice but he is a bit forthright and flirty. We have been talking all day, are they normally quite flirty in the first chat or should I have my red flag radar up already?

Hello peeps,

Does a chase up mail ever work? I had a quick but nice chat with someone last week and ended with him saying he was going for a bath and chat later. Nothing heard since but he hasn't unmatched me on Bumble. Do I bother saying hi again, he just seemed a decent catch though my gut feeling is he didn't want to chat more as I'd told him my kids were small plus I had initially said he was quite far away.

@scotgal I dunno about normally but for me immediate flirty chat has always ended in fwb or ons or no-meet. Mayve others have different experiences but that's mine

Men who are immediately flirty get an amber flag from me, they're usually only after a ONS in my limited experience, proceed with caution.

I don't do flirty messages before a meet,what if you meet them and you don't fancy them. A picture can hide a multiple of faults! Bad breath,body odour,walking weirdly?
I have a dog walking meet tomorrow,i shall call him mr young as he is 10yrs younger. Not my usual sort but lives half a mile away so would be ideal ( living in the sticks 10miles from any town isn't good for dating!)

Loving the you tubers who offer dating advice!

I’ve used it a bit of the texting advice already tonight and it’s seemingly working!

I suppose in an old fashioned way,we are trying to get the man to pursue us and flirting and giving it all straight away means he has nothing to work on.Thats just my experience (its fine for a quick shag but if you're after a relationship,best not to be flirty). not sure if others agree

Thanks for the advice. I haven't flirted back and have told him to slow down so will be on the lookout for flags.

Overly flirty before meeting could bexq way of seeing if you'd be up for a ons.

A bit of flirty is fine, but I'd not overdo it because as said, it could be very awkward if you meet and don't fancy them.

I think it's a bit disrespectful to be honest, but I'm old now at 45

@hereigoagain this guy is 45 so you're making me nervous now.... I'll just have my guard up, I think I'll be guarded anyway as it's my first date in 21 years lol

You could always ask him if he is this flirty with all his dates. I also think it depends on how flirty. What kind of stuff is he saying (if you don't mind saying)

@Eesha I had a similar situation on Bumble. Guy said he wanted to meet but wouldn’t say when. I got bored and decided to unmatch. If he was really interested in taking things further, he’d have messaged.

Yeah I never do flirty pre date as its so awkward if you don't fancy them
After that , depends what you are after with them.

@hereigoagainxx he asked for a pic of me so sent him one with my hair scraped back and sweaty gym gear on, his reply was omg you are hot I want. He then talked about us both being redheads and how that would cause an explosion if we got together (after saying he had worn previous partners out). Then he has mentioned kissing an cuddling, wanted a picture of me with my hair down which was apparently gorgeous.I said I had longish nails and he said I could sharpen then on him. His last message an.hour ago said he couldn't wait to meet me tomorrow. We are meeting in a.public place....he just seems very full on for.for having never met me and for.only having started a conversation today. He initiated contact by the way and I was happy to chat to him as intrigued as he had a comprehensible profile!

Ok,so no dick pic

Maybe he really finds you gorgeous.I suppose only meeting him you will know. He may well be a lot more shy in person.

The nails thing is a bit odd to me. As it the boasting about his sexual prowess, it sounds quite juvenile. As is the 'I want' in fact.

It's absolutely your call. If you aren't feeling it, you can cancel.

@hereigoagainxx thankfully no dice pics but I have been told by one charmer that he would love me to sit on his face.....classy.

I think I'll go but I'll be uber cautious, I might just be panicking because it's been so long since I had a convo with the opposite sex never mind a date lol