Dating thread 140 - Why????

[RunsforCake14]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

morning everyone!

had what i thought was a fantastic date on Friday night with Mr Happn. So much fun, so much chemistry. Not often I dtd on a first date but we did and it was incredible. He was starting to ask questions like how long would it take me to get to work from your house etc. etc. But he's not over his ex. He sent me a message on Saturday saying he had had a great time but the date had gone so well, it had made him realise that he hadn't quite emotionally got himself in the right place (they broke up 6 weeks ago).

There's part of you that wants to say SO WHY ARE YOU DATING THEN but there's no point. I wished him well. I deleted him and won't message him again.

He's the same age as me and he is getting hit up by 21 year olds. We went through our dating stuff together. Men of that age really do have their pick. I was astounded, I mean simply astounded, at how many young women really seem to want men of that age (why?). I wonder if it's because of his money, who knows.

Anyway, onwards and upwards.

Chatting to a man very much my type (bigger build, creative). Hopefully will get to meet him this week.

Seeing Mr Fridaynight on Wednesday for a 4th date. I don't know where this is going. He's fun and we get on well but not sure if there's enough spark for a relationship. We talk every day though. Will see....

Yes think I'll take a break again.
Or log in occasionally but won't message anyone.
Least it's Autumn and good Tv season..

Very random question but does anyone not kiss on the first date? I have a date tomorrow but I just don't feel comfortable with a kiss at the end. Will that make me look uninterested?

unique and others feeling bruised

I really do find it's my friends that keep me grounded. I had that date on Friday but the rest of my weekend I was out with my friends and had such a wonderful time. If it wasn't for them, I think I would struggle. I've also started a load of new hobbies (drawing, going out to art galleries more, going to gigs, did 2 in the last few weeks!) and just not being in THINKING about dating all the time!

brainstormer I don't normally on a first date :). If I haven't kissed by date 3, then it's probably not right.

Daffo that’s a shame, I think a lot of men jump on POF to take their mind off of their ex when really they should be getting used to being single before looking for something else, it is frustrating. I was talking to a lovely guy last year and he went back to his ex (she found out he was on POF and decided she wanted him back and he went running). I’m really wary about dating anyone who has recently split now, looking back I don’t think I was ready to date anyone so soon after leaving my ex, I just went on POF because the thought of being alone was too much when in fact I needed to learn to be alone.

Unique I feel the same, really can’t be that bothered with it all at the moment, I’m still on POF but not logging on as much, trying to fill my time with other things and spend time with friends, I have been lucky to make new friends over the summer and I think I’m going to spend time trying to widen my friendship circle, it’s probably the best way to meet people.

Yes I agree love. He hadn't told me how long ago the break up was before we met - now looking back at it, I see he avoided the question and that was why. It took me years after my divorce to be ready. In fact, I know someone who uses a dating agency and they were told that they won't take anyone on their books unless they have been divorced for 2 years and I understand that. It is annoying and he will carry on seeing women too. It's not like he said I'm just not ready, I'll stop dating. It's 'I'm just not ready, I'll keep on seeing people to get over it'. But it's not the right way. It's a sign of immaturity (in him) too. I keep saying on here I've got to stop seeing men my own age as I just find they do behave like they are 10 years younger than me. My best mate (who is 53) read some of his messages and he said do men in their late 40s REALLY talk like this. And i said err yes, they really do.

New creative bloke, let's call him MrNY, is older than me but I suspect will not be looking for anything serious. Only chatted to him for a day but it was fun and we've said we'd like to meet up for a coffee.

MrSwiss is also a new one I chatted to yesterday. He's older and seems quite fun but is quite guarded. He also wants to do a coffee so will try and fit that in.

and what was really annoying love is that I would have seen MrHappn again. It's been a long time since I've felt that real chemistry with someone so it was doubly annoying. I didn't feel upset, just exasperated at the whole thing!

Daffo Mr Beard is recently single and has a young child, he says he’s looking for a bit of fun to lead to a relationship but I think he’s not ready and just wants a FWB so I have backed off, he messages me most day and sends me photos (which doesn’t help as I find him really atractive).
A lot of men don’t say how long they have been single for until after a date or 2, I have started asking before I date them. I have been separated for 3.5 years and divorced for 6 months, it’s taken me a long time to be happy with my own company and I’m still not sure if I’m ready for a long term relationship.

Daffo there’s also a chance he may contact you in the future when he has has got over his ex?? I have stayed friends with quite a few irons that I met years ago and even met up with them from time to time.

hi love, I don't think he will. I think he will dive into the 21 year olds while he can and have mindless sex and fun. I don't think he will be hankering after me in any way. At some point he may look back and think that we had a lot in common and the chemistry was there but I think he is the type that is going to take him a long time to figure out what he really wants. He is a good looking man and won't have any shortage of women going after him.

I also think a lot of men say they want an intelligent, independent woman and then when faced with one, realise they really don't :).

I will chalk him up to experience. And the sex was absolutely mind blowing. So at least there's that .

Yes, at least you had some good sex

Not all guys like younger ladies, I have spoken to a few men that say they get lots of messages from younger girls but it doesn’t interest them but I guess if he’s on the rebound then it might seem appealing.

DaffoDeffo Yeh thats true, I had a couple of good friends move away in the last 6 months, so really am lacking people to meet up other than doing stuff with relatives which isn't quite the same.

@daffo thats a bit gutting but you took it in your stride and had a great night of sex, that's his loss frankly!

I could have definitely dtd with my date from Saturday on the first date, eek. And I never feel like that or even kiss anyone on a first date so its all new to me and just going to go with the flow (and must play it cool)

Okay help a newbie out, good god, i know I haven't dated for over 20 years but is it really appropriate to ask someone if they are kinky in the first conversation??????

Please give me some rules....am i allowed to just stop talking to creeps like this mid conversation??? any other tips would be appreciated!

@scotgal2017

Totally acceptable to stop talking to anyone for whatever reason you like!

When I was on OLD if anyone referenced their penis or tried to initiate any form of sex talk then they got 😴😴😴 back and ignored.
I find it all so boring unless I've actually exchanged bodily fluids with someone!
Plus I think it gives you a clear indication of their intentions 🤷🏼‍♀️
It is full of guys (and I'm sure women!) who are there to massage their ego and/ or get their kicks in whatever way, but there are some good ones hiding too. Don't feel bad ignoring anyone, just go with what feels good and ignore what doesn't!

scotgal see it as a good screening process. If you aren't kinky, then at least you've found out early and can bail out. If you are kinky, then at least you know he's into it!

unique have you thought about doing Meet Up? I haven't done it but MrFridayNight (who is rebuilding his life post divorce) does it a lot. It's a friendship site where you meet up and do things that you're interested in (you can choose what they are). Might be a nice way of seeing people without the whole dating shebang and you never know who you might meet doing it!

@wishy-washy thanks, I suppose I have to not care about cutting them off, I'm usually so polite lol, but having put up with one arsehole for 20 years I'm hoping to avoid a repeat performance and stop big so much of a people pleaser!

I may have got a coffee meeting this week with someone who wouldn't normally be my type (actually not true i have no idea what my type is) but hey, you've got to get out there right?

I cut off people that ask for more pictures let alone sex chat. Even if I was confident about pics I still would not send any more.

@scotgal2017 absolutely!
I think you've just got to be a bit ruthless and not worry about being too polite. You're not there to please them, you're there for you!
I wouldn't get too hung up on your "type" I think if you click with someone then you click and it's sometimes unexpected!
Getting out there is certainly the best way to getting to know what you want, the more you do it the easier it gets too!

I think it's important to have an idea of what you want. I started off without that thinking that I would just get out and the more people i met, the easier it would be but it's proved to be the total opposite of that. In fact, the more people you meet, the harder it gets if you don't have something defined for what you're looking for.

So having a list of criteria is key - even if they are fairly loose criteria (I don't mean things like height but for example, if I had had 'emotionally available' as one of my criteria, I would think that about half my dates wouldn't have happened as so many men are really not emotionally available).

I agree you need to be ruthless. I don't reply to men I am not interested in. And this could be they are 15 years older, want children, don't have a photo or who I just don't fancy.

If the person chatting to me takes days to reply to messages, I put them in the no pile. Any time I have liked someone online, I want to encourage chat and a meet-up. If someone can't offer the same then they are clearly hedging their bets.

Re mental health, yes, it can be very disheartening, but this time around I took the approach that I only need to meet one incredible guy, not loads. And maybe that is going to take a bit of time.

The guy I am seeing on Thursday would not physically be my type. He's bald! But he is attractive, intelligent, attentive and makes me laugh. There was a definite spark on the first date from both sides. He said he'd call the following day as he was working in my area so we met again for coffee. No wondering, no BS.

Whatever happens with this guy or not, I've set my standard.

I do have to question people having multiple FBs. Of course each to their own, but can only imagine this would really knock my self esteem. If I have an itch, I can sort myself out without needing some guy that would then go off the radar till next time.

I understand the need to feel close to someone and wanting to be held blah blah, but when it is only on a causal basis, with someone who is possibly actively looking for a permanent partner, I know I'd feel used and it would really knock my self esteem.

So potential 3rd date tomorrow night and potential of getting ‘take out’ atvhis house!

Now I haven’t been intimate for over 2 years and obviously have sex on my mind!!

What’s people’s opinions on having Dec on the 3rd date?

Ha ha Dec was meant to read Sex!!!!