Dating thread 140 - Why????

[RunsforCake14]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Thanks folks,he was obviously not on a bike ride as was on pof all morn. NEXT! He was also into marvel stuff which at the age of 45 is a bit geeky for me. I'm now chatting to a builder,much more my type. Will give him a week to sort a date or will move on. Apart from the fact he is 5 foot 7 and 3 inches smaller than me i'm rather attracted to him! Weirdly very tall men,like over 6 foot freak me out. We shall see

So, advice please, I met Mr PB based on him saying he was looking for friends on his profile, I wasn't sure I'd fancy him, however, it turns out his profile pictures are awful and in the flesh he's very attractive but not my usual type at all. He's easy to talk to, even when he was complaining about his job (which would have usually bored me to tears) I didn't mind listening to him. We had a nice hug (at my request), he has since said he would have liked to have kissed me but didn't want to be too forward and didn't think I fancied him.

The problem is we are very different and our lives are very different, and I just can't imagine introducing him to my daughter or family, there's nothing wrong with him, he's just not what they'd expect.

I know I'm being ridiculous and I need to just take it slowly and see what happens, it might not get to the point of introducing him to anyone. It's just come as a bit of a surprise that I'm interested in him. I'm also a mass of peri menopausal hormones currently so I'm not entirely trusting my instincts.

Dating parents or parents who date...

Please could I have your opinions on whether to tell your children you’re going on dates?

So far I’ve not told my youngest that I’ve been on dates. I’m out with work colleagues or friends as far as they’re aware (I’ve lied!) or I’ll go when they’re out already so they’re completely oblivious.

My ex says I shouldn’t lie and should be upfront. He was upfront about a new girlfriend and introduced her about two months after we split which was completely the wrong decision in my opinion. Especially since they lasted for about two weeks!

So how to people handle it? Child is 10 and has been asked me if I’m going to get a boyfriend at any point. So I think they’d be open to the idea of me having someone new (but I’d not introduce them). Thanks

@likeridingabike i think so hard to find people you click with, just see how it goes!

Fondue I tell my dd but she’s almost 15, we have a bit of a joke about it but I don’t bring men back home unless we have been dating quite a while. I don’t think a ten year old really needs to know where you are going and who you are seeing.

Thanks Lovemusic. My other child knows (older child). I don’t like lying to anyone but white lies to protect someone are acceptable to me as they’re done with the right intentions. I think it might be a control thing with my ex - split was all his fault so if I mention dating then my ‘halo’ might be a little less polished.

Fonduefrolics My DD knows, she's nearly 15, she was a bit weirded out by it at first but has got used to the idea, for me it's about slowly introducing the idea that I might have a bf at some point. I've been single for a couple of years and it's just been the two of us so introducing anyone will be a big deal. She doesn't stay with her father overnight, ever, so I need her cooperation to be able to go out at all, she's the one who knows where I'm going, when I'm due back and she can track my phone.

Eesha I think that's it, I need to be open minded and see how it goes. He'll have to be equally open to trying new things outside his comfort zone, I think that'll be the pinch point.

fondue I've been dating someone for about 6 weeks now, is still very really days and my kids know nothing... But equally date and I have not introduced each other to any one we know yet.

Kids knew my previous two partners... But I dated one for a year and one for 2 years and have had a years gap from any dating.

Good evening, here again just to ask if joining POF is worth it? Not getting anywhere with Match, had a general look on search engine at POF profiles for my area and saw a guy I quite liked the look/sound of. Have heard on MN/review sites that POF is not great (fake profiles, married men, people only wanting ONS etc), so in 2 minds as to whether the set up a profile?

P.S. sorry if this has been addressed before, tbh cba reading the 30 pages of the thread first to check for answer/opinions

@scotgal2017 - I've used POF (albeit for a very short period of time), Match.com and Tinder.

Match.com was a good introduction to the mysterious world of online dating, wasn't too busy and met a couple of nice people on there so was worth it to get me into the OLD mindset.

POF - was not great for me and I didn't stay on it very long - but I'd urge you to give it a go and see what is out there. You can always delete your account.

I use Tinder now - there is more activity on there and it is very busy, but with that comes more crap to sift through. I have found that those people who are on tinder are on paid sites too so it's just a case of filtering through and hoping you find the look of..... Profiles are not always filled out well on Tinder and it can be hard to work out what it is that people are looking for but I've found that people are usually pretty upfront to be honest so just ask 😊🌈

Hope that helps!

Thanks so much @VixenSixen I might have another browse and have a think about it...I've no need to rush things, quite happily single at the moment, just thinking about dipping my toe to see what's out there.

scotgal2017 I've tried POF and not had lots of luck with it, I've just deleted my POF account and signed onto Bumble and there's lots of the same faces. As Vixen says whichever site or App you use there's lots of filtering to do, lots of men but very few you'll want to engage with.

I've only ever used Pof over the years and it's ok.
The good thing is you can hide your profile,which means you don't get loads of messages off people you'd rather not.
Sometimes I think should I try another site,but apparently everyone is on all of them anyway

I didn't like POF, not sure what it was about it. Probably that anyone could see you and message you. Made me feel a bit vulnerable. I'm having more success on Tinder or Bumble at the moment.

Why are men like buses. Nothing for ages. Then Mr London yesterday and then had my second date with Mr Geek today who is really good company and relaxed. Jury is still out on the chemistry there but we get on well.

And been asked out on another date this week by someone more local. Juggling act.

@scotgal2017 I've recently tried Pof, Bumble, Hinge and Happn and yes, lots of people on the same sites but I've only had dates via Bumble. I just find the site more user-friendly. However I did meet two previous long term partners via Match. I think times have changed and people just don't want to pay if they don't have to.

The thing I don't like about POF is that you can't block someone until they've messaged you, and their response time on reports is terrible. I saw someone who is dangerous and legally not allowed to contact me, I don't want him looking at my profile, but he won't contact me directly so I couldn't block him. POF is supposed to be investigating but whether they'll remove him I don't know, so I won't go on there again.

I'm on Bumble now, you can block anyone at anytime so if he pops up on there I can deal with him myself.

well i bit the bullet and joined POF.....my email alert ping on my phone started before I had even finished uploading my photo....time to start sifting

.... I spent the whole w/e with Mr BTO... Not doing much, meal and pint fri, footie at a pub and lunch at mine followed by supper at his and card games last night. Stroll and lunch today - mellow normal things, buying supper to cook together etc. All v enjoyable and low key. We are poss going to go away together next weekend, even if just a, day trip or of the city. No relationship chat. Only about ten dates in, 6/7 weeks along... Enjoying very much. Now just need to chill re his non texty ways.

I used POF years ago and wasn't overly impressed. I used match.com this time round and found it much better. Maybe the payment keeps some of the tiff raff at bay.

I hate match and pof.
They used to be okay.
Always had the players geeks and weirdos.
But people actually were sane about getting to know someone.
Someone already having doubts about us...and I've only been messaging him for a week or do on and off.
I've been blunt either your interested or your not.
He's 70 off miles away and works weekends but only 2 days ago said it was no issue at all..

I actually think Online Dating can ruin your mental health.
Depressing as hell.

@unique I couldn't agree more with you!

OLD has left me with feeling bruised and and used. Taking a break from it.

@unique1986 I agree too, left me a bit jaded so I am focussing more on my life in the real world! Was fed up of putting myself out there yet not really getting much back when in reality, I'd get more attention in real life if I ever got to go out! Just seems like there is a lot of choice out there for people and they can be as fussy or as rude as they like!

Yes unique you are right, it can effect your mental health, it’s made me lose faith in people and at times it’s been really hard. You need a pretty thick skin and lots of luck to get a good outcome.

I have a new iron, I shall call him Mr Nature, we have loads in common, he seems really nice but he’s not particularly good looking, I am hoping if I meet him he looks better than in his photos, I’m not fussy with looks but I need to find someone attractive.