Dating thread 140 - Why????

[RunsforCake14]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Oh and plans to meet next weekend that we had made before our date was even over!

@Koko12 - so congrats on having a lovely date and it all sounds like it went well..... The best advice I can offer you is to keep listening to your gut instinct and try not to get swept up in all the 'connection' stuff especially so early on.

If you want a FWB type arrangement then I would perhaps approach that early on and be straight up about it - that way you both know what you want out of it And no one gets hurt.... Expectations are on the table.

In my experience there is no hard and fast rule about when you DTD with someone and whether it works out or not.

I've made guys wait and they've turned out to have played me,. And had slept with someone on 2nd date and it ended up being a longer term thing.

Keep your head about you and take everything they are saying with a pinch of salt....... If you can keep your emotions out of it and keep your heart guarded then jump his bones by all means 😋😜

It's supposed to be fun so if at any point you feel like it isn't fun or screwing with your head then he is not the one xxx 😘

scotgal the most attractive thing is confidence. If you can find your confidence in yourself again, nothing else matters. The journey I took, after a 33 year relationship ending in an uncared for, unloved body that I scarcely recognised, was to find a guy who was just desperate for sex - a nice guy mind, who I got on with - and I moved pretty quickly to DTD with him. The revelation that (a) he ignored all my supposed physical flaws and (b) so could I, as I was enjoying it so much, just did wonders for me. It's a question of one step at a time really

I went on a first date last night!!

I was so nervous. He turned out quite cute and kissed me as we said goodbye. He’s keen to see me tonight too!

But why am I feeling so guarded, horrid past experience of cheating ex but hoping it’s not ruined my confidence for ever!

Hope i can trust again but currently I feel I’m taking everything he says with a pinch of salt.

Anyone else feel like this?

Whoknows11 Sounds like an exciting time for you!

I've been there before and have felt exactly the same way you are feeling now. Unfortunately the only thing that helped was time itself and allowing myself to heal. Good luck!

@dogdaymorning, thanks for the advice. I'm not sure if I can take that approach as I was quite affected by ex as he was abusive and controlling, so i'm not really in the frame of mind to rush anything as really want to avoid ending up with another arsehole! I certainly hope that in the next few weeks I feel a bit better about myself after joining the gym and eating more sensibly. xx

Hello everybody!! Can I join this thread please?!! waves like the newly single enthusiast I am
I've just signed up for an OLD site, gulp.
What sites are good??!
Key dos and don'ts anyone?

Hello sectdtsquirreller welcome to the thread. I am relatively newly single and trying OLD for the second time. From my experiences the first time around I would offer the following advice - keep yourself as safe as you can, trust your gut, try not to overinvest emotionally too soon, be prepared to be sent revealing pics and videos, to be ghosted etc. OLD can be exciting but scary and waring at the same time. I’m sure some of the more regular posters will be along shortly with loads of good advice. Also read the first post on the thread which has rules for the thread. Good luck and enjoy!

scotgal totally agree my approach is not for everyone - and I should add I waited three years after my relationship ended to even start the process, to give myself time to get my ex's ideas out of my head and replace them with my own again. But seriously, try not to catastrophise about what normal men will make of you. We are definitely our own worst enemies about this.

Hello secretsquireller! You've done the right thing joining this site, I wish I had known about it when I started OLD. My advice is to follow the rules on page 1 carefully, don't message people for too long without securing an actual date, and try not to give the whole thing too much headspace (it can eat away your time like nothing else).

Personally I like Tinder, just because I've met some nice people on it (and some jaw-droppingly weird ones too!).

Love,i hope you're feeling better.
well,after coming out of that relationship two weeks ago,i told myself not to go back on old,but today I joined up. I think I am on the rebound but hey ho.
Straight away I saw the ex on there. He wasted no time!
I saw a bloke I had seen last year in real life in our local town,i'd had a glass of wine and went up to him and said 'oh hello,you're on pof' and we had a quick hello and that was that. He has a new profile up and we got chatting and then he called me.We are meeting tomorrow. It's all very soon and I told him that. I explained I just wanted friends at the mo and maybe something will come out of that,as I always rush in and am not ready for heavy. Or to sleep with anyone! so meeting to walk the dog.He seemed cool. We shall see. I think I must be quite needy??! But come across confident and independent.

Thank you for the tips! I seem to be getting lots of messages from people hours away! And a couple of really nice looking foreign guys, like outta my league, I assume just looking for an easy shag.
One guy I was messaging with no photo, seemed really nice, we were discussing meeting up, then photo arrived and I'm not really attracted, rookie error I guess, I'm clearly shallow!

Well I met Mr Kids today who im going to rename Mr London as mr kids sounds a bit creepy. but didn't do a loo update as we were too busy chatting. As suspected, I really liked him. Wicked sense of humour , very good looking.
Cheeky snog as we said goodbye. It's all good and he asked to see me again. I knew this would happen.

I'm supposed to have date 2 with Mr Geek tomorrow but he's not firmed up time or place yet 🙄😳

Hi all, the guy I have been going on dates with told me today he is coming off the site. He only joined for a month anyway and it was nearly up.

We both said a few days ago we weren't talking with anyone else. I feel happy about this. I'm going to do the same as I am not interested in multi dating.

I feel like I have struck online gold. I was immediately attracted to him, he rings, texts and seems really keen. We both split with exes in June.

Next date is Thursday night

This is the guy that almost bought the apartment directly above me. What a mad world!

No dates for me this weekend. After a rubbish week I now seem to have no irons. Seems to be the week for people vanishing into thin air, not sure what I’m doing wrong (other than attracting idiots), 2 have vanished after telling me how much they like me and all that bull shit men like to tell us, was meant to be going to see Mr Mountain today but he cancelled yesterday, another iron has vanished from POF and stopped messaging me, guessing he may have met someone. All I have left is Mr local who I don’t think is ready to date yet but we talk via FB every day. So today I shall be spending the day alone.

@Lovemusic33 I don't think you are doing anything wrong, I just think there is so much choice so people are fickle. As people have said here, it's cyclical so maybe enjoy the day and then might pick up next week again!

@HereIgoagainxx great news, I love the term 'online gold', keep us posted!

@love - it might be time to clear the deck and start again......... I don't know where you live in the country but where I am (midlands) it's a stunning day..... Get out there and out and about and soak up some rays 😘 and collect some new irons later X you got this xxx

Thanks Eesha ,I’m sure things will pick up and change, I think I’m feeling a bit let down, more so with Mr Marathon as it isn’t the first time he has done this, it will be the last time though. I have heard nothing from Mr Kayak after breaking my bed, I’m kind of relieved though as I know I couldn’t have been in a relationship with someone with so much baggage (he did me a favour, just a shame it was an expensive one).

I have had a young man message me this morning (ten years younger) but he lives too far away.

well,my iron for today has txt to say he is going for a run with his son and we will get together soon. Does he mean today? I've just txt to say I am busy after 1pm so before that would be lovely,if not maybe catch him soon (i'm not busy at all but there is no way i'm waiting around for a flakey man). Why the long call last night. I knew I should of waited and not gone online so fast. It really does do your head in all this. Going to sort the attic out!

@user1466783975 I hope he actually made plans later with you. From my experience, soon never seems to materialise. I'd let him chase you from now on

@user146678397 I would play it very cool, I agree with Eesha soon tends not to happen, leave him to make definite plans or walk away. I've spent far too long waiting around.

An ultimatum worked for me this week but only because he was keen but nervous and needed a kick to get him moving, I don't think it would work with a player.

I can't deal with when they say 'soon just fix a date already!

Multi-dater here, spending the weekend alone wah! Meh, it goes with the territory. I don't need no man to define me etc. Phone switched off, getting some gardening and other overdue chores done, started a boxset last night and am obsessed. Sunshine and flowers to all those others feeling let down today x