Dating thread 140 - Why????

[RunsforCake14]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Hello. Not sure if I’ve posted on the dating thread before but I’m a regularish poster to the board.

Well, it’s hard not to become disillusioned with the whole OLD thing isn’t it?

I get that you have to have a think skin and not take things too personally. And I’d hate to be one of those who has a ‘are there any decent, honest men out there?’ lines on my profile. But it seems even the nicest of men are so full of bullshit.

Just seen Mr You’ll Be My Last Ever First Date on a site I’ve just joined (not that I ever believed that anyway). He’s probably been the only one that’s ever been completely up front about not being interested in me.

And last weeks date (which was nice and we had a lovely kiss) went quiet and then popped up and said he isn’t really feeling well at the moment - which I knew - but lo and behold not too sick to update his Tinder picture. Is it too much for men just to say ‘it was nice, but you’re not for me’?

Aware that I’m sounding like a complete moaner here!

Had a message from my lovely guy last night to say that he’s dealing with a bad anxiety attack over the past couple of days. Poor guy. Anxiety sucks.
I’m glad he told me but am now fully expecting the “I’m not ready for a relationship” chat 😞

Hi fondue, I understand how you feel. All any of us want it a bit of honesty.

We want to trust, but we have to remember we don't know these people at all and words are cheap.

I know quite a lot of people that met partners online so of course it can happen. And of course there are plenty of men wanting to meet someone special.

And your right, he really isn't that nice. He's actually full of shit. I mean, who says 'you will be last first date ever' when they barely know someone. Cringe.

You know what he's about now. You don't need to waste any more time on him and that's a very good thing.

I'd not reply if he contacts you again.

Thanks HereIgoagain, it’s been months now so no chance of any contact between us and I deleted his number and chat back then. I didn’t float his boat, which is fine.

I’ve just joined the new site and used an average photo of myself rather than a flattering one. I don’t know whether the men are thinking ‘she’s a bit rough’ or I haven’t used the site correctly but nothings come through yet interest wise.

Any reason why you are not using your best possible pic? I made sure to put up some nice ones. Competition is fierce out there.

It’s not a terrible photo taken at a low angle with three double chins showing (why do men do that?) just realistic and unpolished. Smiling, specs on, no make up. How I look day to day really. I’ve had a respectable number of matches on Tinder and 5 dates out of it. Two dates went to second dates plus but the other 3 were single dates. I make a good impression in chat (if I say so myself I’m quite intelligent, witty and can hold my own. I know when to give up and when to say piss off mate when someone reveals they’re ‘kind of in a relationship). But if I like them I’m a bit shy on dates and it takes me a while to relax and be myself. My true self is quite honest and open. Sometimes too honest (not in a nasty way just revealing my inner thoughts to people who probably don’t need to know them)

So Tinder has a very flattering photo with average ones there if someone chooses to look for more. Can’t abide those ‘hi gorgeous’ messages because I’d rather someone liked me for my craic and found me reasonably appealing. Friday’s date found me appealing enough to kiss me and invited me back to his for drinks. I said no because ‘stranger danger’ not because I haven’t ever had one night stands.

ramble alert if someone can’t wait a few dates in for a shag with me then that’s their loss. I was quite honest and did say I was looking for a boyfriend to do nice things with and have sex with so it’s not like he was signing up for a life of celibacy

I love an OLD whinge..... Can we start making a list of the bullshit men feed you when they start talking to you online..... You know the ones who are the equivalent of a great white shark.

I'll start:

"I've never had a connection like this with anyone I've ever met before" - usually first or second date

Or "I'm a nice guy" "I'm very honest" etc.... And keeps reiterating the point

I have met so many manipulative b*stards online that I wish I could set up a website outing them all for who they actually are...... It would almost be worth it for the liability/slander court proceedings 🤣

fondue you will find that most people can't be honest and say you're just not right for me. Most people just let it drift.

love take care, it's hard when you feel that untrusting feeling but I think you sound like you're doing fine, just with men that are a bit crap .

I had date 3 last night with MrFridayNight. I wasn't feeling great and it was fine but half way through, I said do you mind as my best mate is abroad and I'm expecting a message so I just want to check and reply. And he said fine. But then he also picked up his phone and was messaging back other irons . He did say it's funny how we're seeing each other but still dating other people (we had this conversation), which is true but I'll be honest, I would not text another iron ON a fucking date. So I was a bit pissed off. I didn't say anything. At the end of the date, he asked me to fix up a dinner for next week when he wants to stay the night at my place. I like him and I could potentially see a relationship coming out of it....but he's not a massive spark....he grows on me and I like him and he's great fun. But on Weds next week, I will tell him about not texting irons while you're with one .

Supposed to be seeing Mr Happn tonight but he has not texted a venue or time. Honestly, so many men are crap at communication fgs.

Mr Music has crawled out the woodwork to ask if we can set something up once he's back from holiday (he should really be called Mr Unreliable).

And a married man has popped up claiming his wife knows about him shagging other women and would I like to shag him. NEXT!!!

I have spent the morning clearing my head, have heard nothing from Mr K, I think he will either never text again or he could possible turn up at my house. I haven’t opened his message from last night so he probably knows I’m not happy.

I think I’m queen of OLD windges at the moment, I think I have heard it all (many times) including the “I have never felt like this about anyone before” ball shit and the “I really feel a connection with you” rubbish. Yesterday Mr K said many of these lines including “I have really missed you” just before he decided to leave to go to a work meeting that earlier in the day he had said he would cancel. I no longer take in this bull shit because it means nothing, it’s just words.

Daffo that sounds like the married guy that messaged me last week, he told me he’s the most honest person so he thought I should know that he’s not single. His wife seemed to know he was on POF.

love you know the sad thing about all those words is that there's a small part of us that wants to believe it. But it's the actions that speak louder than the words. I should have binned off Mr Music ages ago. But he also says things like that to me. You know how much he wants me, how much he's missed me. But the actions don't match the sentiment. We haven't seen each other for 5 bloody weeks! He says he isn't shagging anyone else but quite frankly, I don't believe it. If you felt that way about me matey, you'd be seeing me more often! But it's so hard to bin people off who say the things to you that sing to your heart. I think I only keep it on with him as I haven't met anyone I want to go exclusive with yet and while I haven't, I might as well just keep going as he is an awesome shag ;).

Still nothing from MrHappn for later fgs. At this rate, I may just bin him off and go to the pub with my mates

This 'I've got a licence from my owner to shag' lark is ridiculous. It may well be true, but it speaks loads about the guy and his relationships and his attitude to women. We don't have to take it - I just say 'well bully for you, but it's not the person I am even if it's the person you are'.

The one time I DTD with a guy who said he was separated, it turned out he was separated by a wall of ice down the marital bed, nothing more. He felt appalling after the deed, when it all came out, I felt cross but lesson learned: only divorced/widowed/never married.

I think this is in full knowledge of his wife to be honest but even if it is, it's only for me if all I want is a shag with someone who just wants a shag and I have enough of those .

What I found hysterical is he said that he can't find someone long term to be his shagging partner. He said everyone decides to leave it after a few months. I was like no shit sherlock! Unless you find a woman in exactly the same position, most women are not doing OLD just to shag permanently, most of us want SOMETHING more at some stage whether it be a full on relationship or something between that and a casual shag. So it's no surprise you can't find someone who will just drop their knickers every Saturday long term. He did accept I might have a point on this!

yes, it's a dangerous game married men but at least he was honest about being married unlike the ones who aren't

Daffo your right, we want to beleive what they are saying is true, it would be so nice if it was true but sadly most of the time it isn’t, it’s just a way to keep us interested. If someone likes you that much they will put the effort in to see you and will treat you well, not vanish for weeks (Mr K has done the same), it’s no good them saying “I miss you” when they put no effort into trying to make time for you. Actions speak louder than words.

I set myself a rule (which actually came from the one and only Matthew Hussey). If you organise a date with a guy and two days before he STILL hasn't contacted you (let's say - date Saturday and it's Thursday).... Do yourself a favour and MAKE OTHER PLANS. Don't let him think that he can just come and go as he pleases..... If he is not making time for you then why are you entertaining him?

It might kill you to do it and end up with you having a weekend to yourself but I stopped letting men dictate when they see me and started to go about my life and set a standard to how I expected to be treated.... It takes them by suprise and you'll know the ones who are serious because next time they shape up & make firmer plans.

If they get in touch just say - well I hadn't heard from you so I made other plans...... Maybe we could try next week? - ha. Always throws them off guard and has them thinking - shit 🙈

Reflect what you expect... X

re MrHappn Vixen?

oh he's been messaging me, he sent me a picture of himself yesterday , just not sent a time or a place for the meeting. We work really close (and we have arranged to meet after work) so I expect he's just going to send it near the end of the day. I just like knowing earlier.

if I discounted every man who sent a time and place on the day, I'd be hardly seeing anyone. I have realised how super organised I am compared to most people

There is that super-organised aspect Daffo - we're all different. I have a neatly maintained and accurate diary, as does my dad. No other man I know or have known does this.

Re saying nice things, it's all bullshit. The only nice thing in a text message that I believe is if they go ha ha to something funny that I've deliberately said to make them laugh. If they say nice things in person, I quiz them on it: 'what do you mean you love spending time with me, we've only met twice!'.

I've often thought it would be great to leave a review on a dating profile.

But, ya know, in reverse thinking about it - it might be brutal haha.

I know, I often think that supercali and I think at some stage, a website did come out a few years back where people could 'rate' you but it quickly folded as it is too brutal. And you got a whole load of exes piling in and giving their exes 1 star etc. People can be ridiculous!

i noticed when I was on match you can award someone a 'flower' (think it's a flower) if they are an honest and upfront dater, well I think that's what it's supposed to mean!

dogday my dad is like that too! I think that's where I get it from . I've never met anyone else like it either. In fact, exh was the most disorganised man I've ever met so most people look like bright and shining examples of organisation compared to him !

Yep, my XH was a nightmare too, as was his entire family. So, a good screening mechanism for new irons: do you have a diary and do you use it??

Simples. Why have I never thought of this before??

ha! I don't mind disorganisation. I think 2 super organised people together would probably be a horror show :). I just have to quell my inner desire to be super organised in the fact of utter disorganisation. MrHappn has now found a venue but neglected to sort out a time .

thank god the rest of the weekend is date free . The whole process is utterly exhausting!