Dating thread 140 - Why????

[RunsforCake14]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

HereIgoagainxx That's crazy. Don't they realise the truth will come out sooner or later.

Eraser, it is ridiculous. When I last did OLD five years ago I went on a date with a man that had 44 on his profile. When we met I knew he wasn't 44, he revealed he was in fact 53. I was 39 at the time. I was so turned off by his "little white lie". He said "everyone lies", I said I didn't.

Guy I am meeting next week again was honest about his age, although he is fit and looks younger and could have got away with shaving a few years off. I'm so glad he was honest.

I look at some of the men claiming to be my age and have to laugh. They must think we are all stupid.

I have to say my best friend lied about her age (40) because she said men wouldn't look at anyone in their 40s and why should she miss out just over a few months! She did meet someone though!

I'm in my 40s and have had plenty of men looking at my profile. Glad she met someone.

My fella called me this morning which was lovely. Really glad I signed up now, although I know how fickle OLD is. I'm glad we have both said we are not messaging anyone else. Time will tell...

@HereIgoagainxx I meant my friend wanted kids and said men who wanted kids wouldn't look at anyone in their 40s. That said, people have mentioned here the opposite!

Glad your date has become more exclusive, good luck!

Today isn’t going to plan, have to laugh or I might cry.

Arrange for Mr Kayak to come over, he turned up early this morning for a bit of fun. I then got a call from work saying I had to go in for a hour as someone was off sick ( Mr Kayak was already on his way), so had a quick bit of fun and my bed broke, dashed to work for an hour whilst he went to get some breakfast, came back to try and fix the bed which is totally broken. My Kayak was then called out to work. I’m now sat here on my own ordering a new bed and wondering what I’m going to sleep on for the next 5 days 🤣

And the worst bit is, it wasn’t that good, not good enough to break a bed.

He might be coming back after his meeting at work to attempt to fix the bed enough for me to sleep on it. We haven’t talked about ‘us’ or if there is a ‘us’. A pretty terrible morning really.

@Lovemusic33 it sounds like you should laugh about it, he is coming back to fix the bed which is very sweet too! It will be something for you both to giggle about in the future.

It was quite funny. It has broken before but this time it's almost unfixable. I hope he's not to embarrassed about it all 🤣

@love, oh no re the bed! But at least he is trying to help! Yeah wanting babies thing! I am chatting to 2 people at the moment and they both have mentioned babies. I'm in my 40's! I find it odd! I actually had to tell one of them last night and we haven't even met yet. Awkward.

Also they aren't young themselves. Think 38-40.

FWB on sunday wasn't as good as usual, I think we might be losing our connection a bit which is probably no bad thing.

cool I always have to say it up front. I'm mid/late 40s and still get people asking about kids! I don't think I could even have any more let alone the fact that I really don't want any more

On the lying, I have refused to see anyone for a 2nd date if they have lied about their age. If you can't be honest on date 1, I just can't see what hope there can be....I met a man who said he was 49 and he was 57! Then again, he said he had met a woman who said she was 43 and she was 59! I think a lot of people do it but the minute you set eyes on them, it's obvious so what's the point really.....sometimes I think I'm too honest

Yep I googled a date and found he lied. I sent him a text message saying his college info date on his LinkedIn profile suggests he wasn’t the age he told me. I never heard back. I have since seen his profile updated with true age minus two years (rather than the bigger gap I discovered). Still a liar.....

It’s common practice. Talking to a lovely guy. Googled and lo and behold his age is 51 and not 49. I’ll mention it indirectly....

I don’t understand why people lie about their age. Someone did this to me last year, said they were 38 but they were 48, just made me wonder what else he was lying about.

Also don’t get the ‘wanting babies thing’, I get this a lot, I’m almost 37 and don’t want anymore, some of the men I have dated are in their 40’s and want children.

New bed ordered £££, and expensive day 🤣🤣

So I paid for a week on Bumble but all are a zillion miles away or not suited....waste of money!

HereIgo Well, according to POF he's 49 but in the blurb he says it's wrong he's actually 54, so he's 8.5 years older than me if his star sign is correct. I'm not sure how I feel about that in terms of a long term thing, it's more of an issue as the years go by, when I'm 60 he'll be 68.

Eesha Sorry to hear that but you still have a week left so fingers crossed. I've found Bumble to be very cyclical. Nothing for ages and then lots at once so I'm just trying to go with the flow.

Lovemusic33 Congrats on the new purchase, may the base be forever sturdy!

likeridingabike I don't mind 8-10 years older but older than that I find hard. Exh was 10 yrs older and it was fine tbh.

eesha keep going. I find bumble has good days and bad days. I can get nothing for days and then get 2 days where I get some really nice men. It's really odd how it just seems to be like that.

love imagine how odd it is people saying they want kids with you when you're mid/late 40s! I just don't get it. But there are loads and loads of men in their late 40s who haven't had and still want. There's a v attractive 53 year old man on my bumble who put in his profile he's ready to have kids right now! So I haven't bothered to match with him...but there are a hell of a lot of men like that!

Imagine being able to wait till you're in your 50s before thinking of having kids. It boggles the mind - i'm shattered with a youngish child and i'm 41

It's a risky business waiting that long to have children, though I guess there are all sorts of reasons why men may do so. A friend had a child at 52, divorced a couple of years later and now REALLY struggles with looking after the child EOW on his own.

Love - the bed makes a great story, hopefully worth the £££s!

Eesha I found Bumble and Tinder went crazy on Saturday mornings, with men choosing to play on their phones all day rather than play golf/watch footy. Worth sticking it out.

53 and ready to have kids surely he would need to find a woman in their 20’s or early 30’s to make it possible? Good luck to him 🤣

I think Mr Kayak has ran away, maybe the embarrassment of breaking my bed. I have given up waiting for him to return to fix it so I have taken it apart and will now be sleeping on a mattress on the floor until Thursday when my new (hopefully sturdy) bed arrives. New bed, new adventures 🤣🤣, I am now trying to explain to my teen dd how my bed became broken between me getting up this morning and now 🤔

I must admit love I have never broken a bed due to those sort of activities so you have a lot of explaining to do

Afternoon thread!

R/e age, I have no idea why people lie, its just stupid. I wear my 40 year old badge with pride :) If people do lie, I would assume they are not that serious about a real relationship as surely as soon as you were busted you'd be off?

Anyway, love enjoy christning your new bed. I just got a new bed when I moved house last month, I thought it was very sturdy, turns out it isnt much (ikea). Haha!

So I moved house finally last month and the weeks have flown by with the start of school term, my ex being a wanker so I have had the kids more than usual and work etc. I have been seeing FWB quite regularly, he is being very attentive this time round, seems quite attached, we had a brief chat about what happened last time, he thought I was pressuring him (he knows now that wasnt the case) , now I am probably more likely to be the one to freak out. I like him so much, I love his company, the sex is awesome, he is fun to be around but..........everybody who knows him knows he is a completely free bird, doesn't like to be tied down and would never be one to settle down into a committed relationship. Plus I don't want that from him. He lives his life very basically (which isn't an issue for me) but if we were a couple it would become an issue for example if I wanted us to go on holiday or something. Or meet the kids (that hasnt and wont happen until we decide what we are). I am happy to leave it as it is for now, but I can see we are both getting kind of attached again, so I feel a bit uncertain as to what the future holds. In total though we have been seeing each other on and off for around 12 months (I think exclusively on both sides).

Mr Architect has recently been also very sweet. He is probably coming to see the house at the weekend and have a coffee. I know nothing will happen with him, he is too young, his ego is too big and I don't think he fancies me all that much. Plus he is FWB friend. But I so would given half the chance.

I managed to tell Mr Surf/ski that my head wasn't quite in the right place for dating, he is very sweet and was very thoughtful, and I said we should meet before he goes back to Austria next month. I would like to see him again (but not have sex) because he is a lovely person.

I realised yesterday that I quite fancy someone I have been slowly getting to know over the last year. Another surfer and also knows FWB. He split from his wife around the same time as me, but I didn't consider him at all in my radar because some mutual friends had told me that he was not over his ex and hoping they would get back together, that was 18 months ago and he is still single. His son goes to my sons school so i see him atleast once or twice a week. Yesterday we did the normal kiss on both cheeks they do here and I felt something stirring. He is very cute and he is so lovely with his son and very gentle.

Finally MR BLOODY FRENCH pops up again. He is in my neighbourhood this weekend and asked if I want to meet. I said I would as he is nearby, but again i don't want to sleep with him, just meet him see how he is etc.

I have options but none of them really that suitable. Still off tinder. I am still not really ready for a relationship as such, but perhaps I just haven't come across the "right" guy for that to be a consdieration.

Remember the rules everyone, I think we should add a new one though which is "Treat others how you wish to be treated". I see some people moaning on this thread about people not replying, being distant etc, then the poster saying how they have 3 or 4 irons on the go so are not really in a position to question the other persons movements and trust. Just my 2 penneth worth :)

Daffo it has had a squeaky leg for a while. My Kayak isn’t that light so I will blame him for being heavy and slightly over enthusiastic 😂

Pudding you are right about treating others how you would like to be treated. I feel bad for having several irons on the go, I have hidden my POF account today, I need to have a chat with Mr Kayak (if he ever returns) and see what his plans are and where he sees this going. I think it’s best to assume people are dating multiple people until you have the talk about being i a relationship, I assumed he was dating others, he could be but says he isn’t so I feel bad that I am.

Unfortunately I think there is a conflict between the 'do as you would be done by' rule - in itself, an excellent rule - and the 'don't over-invest rule' - again a good one in itself. If you date/sleep with just one person, and that goes down the pan, you are (a) hurt and (b) back to square one. The approach I'm taking is to (1) date/sleep with more than one, (2) not lie about it and not make any promises to any of them unless they are ready to make a promise in return, and it feels right and (3) not moan if communication lapses/I suspect they are sleeping with other people. The last one is difficult to stick to but is the quid pro quo.

It is all a bit mind-bending though...

Agreed Dog, it’s tricky, these people are strangers and have no earned our trust, how can we trust that they are not seeing others? I just assume they are until they ask to be exclusive. I don’t like sleeping with more than one person at a time and I rarely do but I keep irons sweet (message them) so I have a back up when things go wrong. I have been dating for so long that I know it’s very unlikely for things to move on to anything longtearm.

so, Mr K left to go to a meeting at 1am, said he would text me as soon as it finished to check if I wanted him to come back over, he implied he wouldn’t be in the meeting long but details were a bit sketchy. Anyway, it’s now gone 7pm and I have heard nothing. I refuse to text him because last time I did this he got a bit funny with me (said he had issues at work to deal with). I expect he will text in the morning asking to come over but I’m annoyed that he hasn’t bothered to text to explain what’s going on. Am I wrong to feel annoyed? How do I play it if he texts tomorrow asking to come over when he’s kind of pissed me around today?