Dating thread 140 - Why????

[RunsforCake14]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Re the 2 week rule, I tend to move them quickly to a drink. But there was one bloke who couldn't see me for a few weeks (for fairly valid reasons).

Think the difficulty is that if you are multi dating, which almost everyone is, it actually can be quite difficult to fit loads of dates in (!). Which is no excuse but the main reason why people can't meet up quickly!

also I don't know about you lot, but I find dating EXHAUSTING. Even if I didn't have dc every night, I'm not sure I would want to do more than 2 dates a week.

Male friend of mine sees a different woman 4-5 nights a week. I just couldn't do it

I'm having zilch luck and debating whether to pay for Bumble for a week to see who all
likes are. I miss having flirty conversations!

eesha it's definitely worth it. It's impossible if you don't know who has liked you!

Eesha I might venture back onto bumble this week, not sure if it’s worth paying to see who has liked you? You could always just like everyone and see who you match with? I’m sure that’s what the guys do anyway.

This week I have learnt a few things.

If someone disappears after DTD and then reapears months later, says sorry and ends back in bed with you, he is likely to vanish again , people don’t change.

Most men are only after one thing.

Any slight flirting and you likely to receive unwanted photos.

This hasn’t been the best week for me, probably one of the busiest yet one of the worst.

Mr Kayak is travelling down for work and to see me, he has just messaged asking if he can stay tonight as he has nowhere to stay. I have been tough and have said ‘no’. At the start he told me how he wouldn’t introduce anyone to his kids until he had been dating them for a year, yet he keeps on about staying here and meeting my kids, it’s not going to happen. My kids are teenagers so I can’t exactly sneak a man into my home and pass him off as being a friend.

I don't think I'd have the time or energy to multi-date. I have been on 2 dates with one guy who is away this week for work (only a few hours away) and I'm working this weekend so we won't meet up till next week again at earliest.

We both admitted we are not talking to anyone else so we will see what happens.

I must be really fussy. Since I joined a few weeks ago I have only had a handful of message exchanges. I don't know what is the best way to approach OLD but this way seems to work for me.

I last did OLD almost 5 years ago (where I met my ex of 4.5 years). I messaged very few then as well.

I let them come to me. Is that what most do on here?

I will say if people aren't keen to meet up, I bail. But then I've always had a problem with patience

love you're right people don't change, sorry if you got hurt. Just as much as we might hope they change, they never do :(

and you're right about Mr Kayak. I hate double standards.

I started off only speaking to one man at the time, but it seems pointless now as everyone seems to be multi dating!

Hey there,

Newbie here after some advice. I exclusively use Bumble and matched with someone when I initially joined (around 8 months ago) and after talking for about a week she decided that she was looking for something different which is perfectly fine and I wished her well thanking her for being honest with me. After an extended break from the site I rejoined and discovered that she has matched me again. Do I put it down to a mistake, saving her an embarrassing conversation or is it worth matching and seeing what happens?

eraser just ask her :). Might not have been a mistake, who knows!

Match her. She has to message you first anyway and if she doesn't want to, she won't!

Bit of advice here, guy started messaging me on Sunday, now asked about meeting. I have a bad feeling he is a lot shorter than I thought, maybe shorter than me and I know I sound really superficial but I don't really want to date someone much shorter than me but it's hard to tell from his pics. He has messaged every day but it's just general chat and seems nice but I'm not sure I want to use up a babysitting day so early on. How can I explain this?

Does anyone else dread first meets?
I have lost count how many first dates I have had over the years.
That feeling of knowing deep down its unlikely to be love at first site?
Or lead to anything?

Meeting someone 3/4 times is a result for me.
Lucky of that could happen once a year.
But to get past 5 meets wow..

As far as meeting short guys..
If someone says 5ft 8 they are never more than 5ft 7..

you've got to ask him eesha! men are used to being asked about height...

@unique1986 he hasn't given a height but there is one pic which makes him seem shorter. I don't mind my height as long as not skinned as I'm curvy hourglass and don't like feeling I could kill someone with my boobs!

eesha I'm quite tall and don't want anyone my height or shorter, so to save pain all round I just tell him my height and ask his. If he's shorter he generally unmatches immediately!

That said, it took me a little while to realise that's what I should do, so one of my FWBs is only my height. Conversely, I was delighted that, without any hint on their profiles or in their pics, the other three all turned out to be over six foot mmmm.

Re first dates: I've had one bad one (literally, toothless, older and shorter than stated, plus psychopathic). The others have all been knee-weakingly lovely. I think this is probably because I set the bar pretty low - just excited to get out of the house, me!

eesha pics can be so deceiving. Everyone thinks I'm really tall after my pics and I'm not! There's just one where my legs look long (which is odd as they are really short!).

I'm tall and actually put on my profile that I'm looking for someone taller than me.

I'm meant to be seeing Mr BTO this weekend but he's a very intermittent texter. He has texted most days to ask what I'm up to or tell me about his day - he's been away again for 4 days working and visiting family - but it's often just one text and I've taken to leaving it to the next day to reply unless there's some back and forth or an actual question to answer, or being the one to not reply to the last text in a convo.

I wil likely text him tmrw to try and tie down a plan for the weekend. I do find it hard to not take the lack of texts as meaning he's not interested but he said last fri he'd text upon his return (last night) but then did in fact text daily since Saturday unprompted by me. I may be making excuses for him but he has so little prior relationship history that it's hard to know if he has a clue, he's also a busy and contend person with a full life. But there are little things that make me wonder like I told him someone injured me at my sports training while he was away, he texted back "what a fucker" but made no enquiry as to how I was! My male mate said to calm down, in his head it's likely "all is well and I'll see her at the weekend as agreed".... Am hoping.

Is so bloody hard dating without getting over invested when you like them! We're about 8 dates in - all sleepovers and have spent a weekend together over the past 1.5 months.

Thanks for all your advice, I did write back explaining the two week window I now have and also mentioning wasn't sure whether there was a spark yet. It's only been two days! Will see if he waits an entire day to respond or even unmatches me. I get the initial impression he has had lots of chats but not meeting, and a bit shy too. I'm used to people being very full on which isn't always a good thing.

My ideal height is around 6ft.
I'm never keen on really tall guys. I often question if they are really 6ft 5 !!
I met someone years ago that was 6ft 8... lets just say it was awkward.

Daffo Took your advice, I'll wait see if she actually remembers me!

I'm rare in that I'm not heightist at all

I don't care what height they are. But I can't do thin men. I need someone's big arms around me but thin is easier to tell from pics than tall/short!

eraser how interesting! let us know what happens!

I do like a tall man, even though I'm not particularly tall myself, DD is tall so they need to be taller than her by some way in case things get serious. I know I'm weird 😀.

I gave my bloke an ultimatum this morning, I reminded him of my two week rule and suggested we make a plan to meet this weekend. That seems to have given him some focus and we're potentially meeting tomorrow, he says he's moving things around at work so he can leave a bit earlier. Tonight was also a possibility but I'm in my PJs already, I'm not sitting here all night dressed for a date like Miss Haversham.

I've deleted POF, I think I've seen anyone within a reasonable distance, I'm sick of scrolling through men from all over the place, a man 200 miles away is no good to me.