Dating thread 140 - Why????

[RunsforCake14]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Erm... to be honest I have a small number of quite nice, natural pics in my gallery and I'll send one of those if I'm looking a mess and someone asks for a photo. Some days I'm just a lot less photogenic, crappy hair etc. Its still me. Not photoshopped or anything. They're not on my profiles though!

Seems a bit odd to make a big deal of them being just taken though when you'd caught him out once and keep doing it. It's kind of that rather than the silly initial white lie.

I'm beyond frustrated, seems like a nice bloke, on the same wavelength, easy to chat to and appears to be wanting the same thing, but, trying to find time to meet me for a quick coffee is a nightmare. I'm not looking for someone to be around constantly so him being busy with work isn't a dealbreaker but we need to meet and see if this is worth pursuing. He's within my two week window still but nothing is arranged. I'm hoping he's not another one who just wants to chat, he's getting no sex talk and still seems keen but I'm getting irritated.

I agree with Northern. Too many lies. It's just a photo after all. He must be really insecure re the insistence they were just taken.

Sorry, i mean its odd for him to make a big deal of them being just taken, not you!

Like patience is a virtue they say, but yes it is irritating - and when does 'difficulty' become just plain evasiveness? I assume you have been open and said, come on, we need to meet, it's a priority?

Well done Dog, I’m seriously thinking of doing the same. Maybe I will re join the gym and get out a bit more instead of wasting my time watching my phone. Today I have had a FWB pester me asking me when I’m free, another who just sends me dick photos constantly and who decided to call me in the middle of the night last night (I didn’t answer) and still nothing from the one I was feeling hopeful about . Oh and the married man pestering to meet me (which I am ignoring). All these men are only after one thing, I kind of feel like a piece of meat .

Anyway, I’m going to step away from the phone and do some work.

Dog I'm really trying to be patient I was strung along for 5 weeks some time ago by someone who clearly wasn't interested in meeting anyone he just wanted online company, so I'm always worried about that happening again. I'm giving him another week at the most.

Love if you feel like a piece of meat then yes, take a step back I would say. This should be fun, it's about you not them (middle of the night? FFS). Gym is a great idea of course and you never know you may just meet someone there.

Like the two-week-to-meet rule is a good one. Any longer and it's unlikely to be a runner anyway, so not worth the headspace.

It would be so much easier if, instead of online dating, this was mail order partnering up, delivered to your specification to your doorstep! But that way madness lies.

Having thought about it on the drive home from work, I just don't have any confidence that he's going to meet me, he's using phrases I've heard before and been disappointed, I'm going to reduce my contact and let him do the running. This is the problem with only having one man on the go at a time, I get involved.

Do I tell him?

@likeridingabike maybe try and keep an eye out for more irons and you won't get disappointed if this doesn't materialise. I tried this approach with Mr Military and definitely made the bump at the end less painful when he said he didn't want to meet as had met someone else in between!

Eesha I will have a look later. This guy is a fair bit older than me and not a catch by many standards but I really like him, so far, you'd think he'd be breaking his neck to meet me. I really don't understand men !!

@likeridingabike. I would love to know these phrases........ I have bells that go off in my head if I hear certain things 🤣😂

I think they all read the same stuff online if I'm honest or there is some kind of player/douchebag/f**kboy handbook somewhere that they use.

@likeridingabike i have felt the same in the past, like they should be rushing to date me but actually i think lots of people are hedging their bets as so much choice out there, even those who may not seem the best catches on paper! Yours might actually be a legitimately decent person but I've found personally when they delay, they just have other irons they are working on

Totally agree with the 2 week rule. I'm guilty of breaking it myself sometimes just when things get busy with work or the kids. In fact an iron laid down his line the other day...told me we had been chatting too long..swopped numbers, told him when I'm free but he's not come back about the date (but is still chatting ). Aaargh

Got second date with Mr Geek Sunday. Not 100% sure but we did get on well.

Have added a Mr Local to the mix now too.

I didn't know about this two week rule, it takes me two weeks to even swap numbers. So is the rule to meet within two weeks of messaging?

Eesha For me it's two weeks of messaging, to either actually meet or have a firm plan to meet, otherwise, I get involved and I find they want to have late night sex chat, which they can pay for online as far as I'm concerned. I was burned previously so it's self preservation.

On the phrases, early on with this guy I suggested we meet and got "busy at work this week, lets keep chatting and see how it goes" which is fine except it kicks a meet into the long grass for at least a week. He's raised it since and even asked where we might meet. Today I raised it, because the two weeks are close to being up and I have some plans this week myself and I got an excuse that someone is off at work "so will see how things go..." followed by "see how things go, would be nice to meet you".

The last bloke who strung me along keep saying he wanted to meet but things kept coming up and we had to "see how things go". If he's been honest with me then he does work long hours in an unflexible job, with a reasonable commute, but from what he told me on Sunday there was no reason he couldn't have met me for an hour.

The last one made out in the end I was being unreasonable and was rushing him, despite there clearly being numerous evenings he was able to message all night and said he was just at home watching telly.

Sounds like a lot of them enjoy the regular ego boost of messages but can't be bothered to get off their arse and meet. Quite pathetic of them really.

HereIgoagainxx They seem to want a virtual relationship, someone to talk to about their day, stroke their ego etc. but without the hassle of actually having to leave the house.

Lazy sods. I would be bailing if I got that feeling. Life's too short.

We all deserve better than that.

@likeridingabike. Oh god no I couldn't put up with that - either make a plan or don't bother.....

I've been completely messed about by a guy recently who I couldn't seem to pin down for a date for us to meet up yet continuously telling me he missed me and couldn't wait to see me again...... I basically removed myself from that equation because wherever I was in his priorities it wasn't at the top I know that much........ he let me down twice for meeting up and I'd had enough by that point.

Ladies (and gents). If there is one thing I have learnt on this dating journey..... Words are cheap...... Actions speak louder than anything.

Judge someone in Thier actions (or lack of) and you will have your answer right there.

💖

VixenSixen I'm giving him until Saturday evening, if there's no plan to meet by and then I'm cutting him loose. He was told I have a two week rule, he has been warned. If he can't find an hour for coffee in two weeks how's he going to manage to have a relationship anyway.

I really love the advice on here about the 2 week rule. I was in contact with Mr USA a month ago and we agreed to meet when he was here next. I suggested an event and he said it looked amazing and that’s it - no “yes” or “can’t do that date but let’s try on x day”. I got bored of the wait and unmatched him.

In contrast, Mr Canada said “lets’s meet” after 4 messages. I like his decisiveness. He is gorgeous and his profile was quite different to any other I read. Anyway, I’m traveling this week and he heads back before I return but said end November will be possible as he will be back in London. Watch this space.

I'm seeing MrFridayNight on Thursday. We are chatting a lot. He's wonderful but not my physical type AT ALL. So I need to see where this leads...

Seeing MrHappn on Friday. Haven't heard a thing from him but he has a busy job so it doesn't surprise me.

Nothing set up for weekend but have a lot of friend stuff on. Find it hard to set up stuff so far in advance for the week after but have a few people wanting to slot dates in - ones I'm chatting to on bumble - but none of them are lighting my fire so to speak...