Dating thread 140 - Why????

[RunsforCake14]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Dieu could he just have been out with friends, drunk and decided to message you? I don't really like the content of drunk messages either but in this case I would give him the benefit of the doubt and not grill him too much about the why's and wherefores of his texts. He's not been offensive in his messaging and I think if you go in asking him to consider how he'd feel getting those pretty inoffensive messages (imo) you'll come across as quite hard work. If it becomes a habit I'd advise differently but a one off I'd let it go.

Thanks change! I don't think I expressed myself very well in my last post. I probably did come across like that, without meaning to, as ironically I am normally super relaxed with the dating scene.

If he was pissed and sending the messages, that is 100% fine. I love a drink, and totally get it!

But I guess a part of me was slightly worried that he was stone cold sober at the time. And sent some pretty odd, cryptic messages while wearing a daft hat! That I can't really be arsed with.

Will see what today brings, if anything (he seems to have cooled a bit since finally tying me down to a date).

Dieu does sound like he may have been out on the piss and was trying to be a bit funny, wait and see if he messages to explain today.

I'm spending the day with Mr Marathon and have woken up feeling really anxious. Trying to sort my head out and just think of today as a bit of fun (we are hopefully DTD and have done it before), the way I am feeling is just stupid and me over thinking everything. I hope he's a bit more relaxed and not too shy today, he's been quite forward in his texts but doesn't seem like this in real life.
I need to drag myself out of bed and maybe take something to calm me down (I'm in beta blockers). Also need to fix my squeaky bed 🤣

Oh no Lovemusic33, this doesn't sound right at all!
He's not right if he makes you feel anxious, even if he doesn't mean to.

Oh, and thanks for reply. If he replies to say that he was on the piss, totally fine.
If not (either he doesn't get back to me, or was sober), then not sure I can be arsed with it all.

Do you know what is making you feel anxious lovemusic33 ? If you are not feeling it then I would cancel. No point in pursuing something that makes you feel that way.

I've got date#3 tonight with Mr Spain. Going to the cinema. I don't usually like cinema dates this early on as you don't get the opportunity to talk much but he suggested it after I asked him what he'd like to do so felt a bit mean saying no to it. Going to see the Lady GaGa film. Has anyone seen it?

It would be a very secure man that took me on a date to see a Bradley Cooper film

Actually, his unkempt look (as in the film) doesn't really do it for me, as I prefer him clean-cut.

Enjoy!

I think I'm jist anxious because he is coming across as nervous and the difference between him in real life and text is confusing me, when he texts me he complements me, flirts with me and is a little bit naughty but when I see him he seems really quiet and it feels awkward.

Last time I was eating him he was very quiet but there was no sex talk at all, was hard to even get a kiss out of him which is why eventually I made a move on him (which scared him off). I just don't know how to play it this time? I played it cool when he was here the other day but now he's implying that he wants to spend the day in bed (which is fine as long as he isn't nervous), I think this is what's making my anxiety sky high, I'm quite shy around people like him, I'm not good at starting conversation with someone who comes across as awkward or nervous.

He hasn't messaged me yet today but is meant to be coming over at 11am. I just need to stop over thinking everything and maybe just look at it as FWB type situation.

Also I really like him, find him attractive (even though he's not the most attractive guy), I think he's probably out of my league and I keep wondering why he's interested in me. I know I'm meant to be the prize 😁

I think today will be make or break, I need to decide if he's worth the anxiety and the brain fuckery. I am trying to arrange other dates to take my mind off of him so I don't over invest (again).

Hmm, it sounds to me like he has been online dating for a while (with the emphasis on online) and has become adept at the whole texting thing, but it doesn't translate to real life. It is easy to be confident behind your phone screen, but then he doesn't necessarily have the personality to pull it off in reality.
Does that make sense?

Have just heard from J. He is in a camper van in the middle of nowhere. No further explanation. Not that he owes me one at all! I'm just at times slightly nonplussed by his messages. Like we're not really on the same wavelength, you know?
I would tend to read my own messages before sending, to check that they are going to make sense to the other person. He doesn't seem to have that filter, and a little self-awareness can go a long way in the early days of OLD.

**Dieur Sounds like you have different sesnses of humour. I'd have laughed off the hat comment and not thought of it again, not queried some underlying mental health issue.

Senses*

I wasn't aware that I had done this?!

I giggled at the photo, but have found some of his messages a bit confusing all along.

As I said, probably just two people with slight communication incompatibility.

Yes, I think it's easy to appear confident through text (I do it too).

He's now messaged me and is still coming over, I'm not sure if I should tell him my anxiety is sky high? I'm trying to calm myself.

I now have 2 of my other irons messaging me asking to see me today (I feel popular) but I'm pretty sure both are just after one thing.

lovemusic33 I would see how today goes. If you feel anxious, awkward or uncomfortable in any way just call time on the date. You don't have to spend all day in a situation that doesn't feel right for you.

LM33 why don't you take some time off from the dating scene today, and just work on yourself? Have a bath, read, watch crappy TV, just relax. Your body is telling you that something isn't right.

Hello all! Checking back in after being quiet a while.

I've only read the last page, seems like a few of your are having a weird or tough time, sorry to hear that. OLD can defo just be weird.

Case in point: I matched with a guy months ago. It seems neither of us messaged back then. He's messaged recently, and although his profile is vague, he writes eloquent, interesting messages. It looks like we have loads in common. He's even going to the same type of niche course that I'm going to (in different county). I did a bit of online stalking of him (i do it to see if there's any obvious red flags about a person before I get attached) and found that to be true.

Last night I was fumbling for what to write to him and googled him and found his surname, which brought back a ton more results. Some of which are quite shocking to me. He's a supporter of the opposite type of politics to me (he ran for council elections in X party, follows X and Y parties online), yet in his vague profile he has chosen "middle of the road/too complicated to say". About 90% of what he follows doesn't bother me, but 10% includes politics I'm strongly the opposite of, pages which he might be following out of interest/horror but also might agree with, seemingly conflicting ones which would be of interest if you were A religion only alongside others only of interest if you were B religion (he lists religion A on profile), and a fair few pick up artist/how to get the woman of your dreams channels.

WWYD? I don't really want to let him know I've googled him, but I have so many questions. Is he just good at playing the dating game, with his vague profile so he can tailor messages to women - Is that what's happened with me? ... is he really a strong supporter of party Y or just X (one is less extreme than the other and I might be able to live with)... and general WHY/WTF when he's very clearly not a demographic that would usually support them?! Am I being too judgey too quickly to just bin him off now, or if I delve deeper will he suck me in more with convincing claptrap about what we have in common ... but maybe it's not claptrap?!?!

Advice please!!

I'm easily googleable from the info I put on the site myself, if that makes a difference.

Dieu you are right but it's to late to cancel, I think I will be honest and tell him I'm feeling anxious, I need him to be a bit more relaxed and open, if he can't do that today then it's not going to work.
I now have Mr Kayak messaging me after nothing for almost a week, apparently he took my last message the wrong way, he says he misses me and wants to see me this week. I think I want to run away and hide. I now feel bad for meeting someone today as I think my kayak thinks we are in some kind of relationship (we are not but we have dtd). Tomorrow I will take a day for myself, time to think and work out what I want.

Dieu it sounds similar to my last date, right down to the silly hat. For me it’s just too much like hard work to keep a conversation going with days long gaps and non sequitur/cryptic messages all about him. Does it feel as if he’s at all interested in getting to know you?

Sub advice? Can only tell you what I’d do, which is avoid. You’ve not even met the guy and you’re having doubts/starting on the back foot because the first thing he’s got to do is convince you that he’s genuine. Doesn’t matter how big the red flag, it’s still a red flag (or in this case multiple ones) and a guy needing to consult websites on how to pick up/approach women isn’t one I’d want to spend any time with, let alone the potential difference in politics.

Also you say you’re easy to Google; on which sites and why do you think you need to be? (if you do; it came across that way and I’m just curious)

CoverMeLads thank you for understanding! Was beginning to think it was just me ...
I am really hoping that he will be better in RL than on the phone. Plenty are. I do like him, and we'll just see how it goes.
Oh and he did update that he and some mates had hired a camper van, and headed up to the Highlands. That would explain it, but wish he'd just said that in the first place!

I've just come home from my Friday evening date with an old iron I was meeting as a friend 😳 Seems we're not just friends any more!

@covermelads thanks, I think I just needed to see somebody else say that. I'm sally sensible/overcautious and don't want to throw somebody away if I'm being overcautious but this time I don't think it's wise.

I didn't mean to be googleable, I'd rather not be on OLD, I just gave a location and job title when I signed up (eharmony) and you can just put those plus my first name into Google and there I am, oops! 😳 can't change it on that site either, a bit annoying. Because I'm self employed I'm visible online anyway because I advertise my business. I'm not hiding anything, but I'd just rather not be so visible to OLD men because it feels vulnerable somehow.

@Idontknowwhyicalledhimgerald how exciting!! Tell us more!

Last time I was eating him he was very quiet but there was no sex talk at all

there is a missing word here - right ?

Ima 🤣 was meant to say last time I was dating him was typing too fast and didn’t check.

So, Mr Marathon wasn’t as shy in the bedroom but he was a gentleman, didn’t make the first move as such, very considerate and very .....um.....good. I think I probably am over investing and am now panicking about other irons I have agreed to meet. Is it wrong to meet others (including Mr Kayak who I have dtd with) whilst I’m dtd with Mr Marathon? It feels wrong. I will wait and talk to Mr Marathon to see what this actually is, I know I have to dump Mr Kayak, he lives too far away and has too much baggage but I do like him, I hate doing the ‘it’s not working out thing’, he’s meant to be doing some work on my van this week, I don’t know if I can even look at him without feeling bad .

idont sounds like your date went well and you had a exciting night, are you going to see him again?