Dating thread 140 - Why????

[RunsforCake14]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

@cool it's nice to meet a nice face! Sounds promising!

@eesha I suspect men use meet me on there in the same way they use tinder. Swipe right on everyone and see who swipes back. Then message those you're interested in. If you think about it - its pretty logical, men have a low success rate with replies to initial messages so this way they gauge interest before bothering to message.

@supercali77 well I've then made a tit of myself by messaging three and not heard back, all who have matches me and said feeling is mutual! Im really going to sit back now and let people message me, at least I know they are definitely interested!

Ok just had long crazy chat with Spanish guy on the phone.
Red Flag he's just told me he smokes weed most evenings !!!
He knows he will get rejected for this.
But wanted to be honest....

CoverMeLads thank you! Yes I guess I'm doing something right.
I do like him but my self esteem/imposter syndrome are already playing tricks on me and trying to talk me out of it before I become attached!

Finding it hard to remember everyone's individual news to comment on (how do u guys do it??🙄) !!

Chatted to MrBMW last night after our 1st meet up/date on Thursday and we've arranged a 2nd one for this week!! ☺☺ Feeling a bit excited as he seems nice but already v.v. nervous. Are the nerves usually worse on a 2nd date?( I have anxiety disorder so wondering if that's kicked in?).
Have a good Saturday everyone xx 😁😁

Thanks cover I agree about the clothes. Freaky. Makes me want to wear slouchy pants and a hoodie just to annoy him. Won't even do date one I think. And yeah how many men are 49 . Do men think we are stupid?!

beyond one thing that worries me that you said is that you were already friends on Facebook. I never, never ever, let irons friend me on Facebook or Instagram. Not till I'm in a relationship. I don't want them nosing through my shit. Maybe I read your post wrong.....:) and each to their own but I just don't want them knowing too much too soon!

Date last night was fabulous. But I was exhausted. Snogged him, not sure about spark but never stopped talking and we did some fabulous roof top bars! Seeing him again Thursday.

And congrats married and yes cool tell us more!

Maybe I'm wierd but I can't see the point in blocking someone who's not even messaging you??

Also in my experience when some do re appear I have had an apology and gone in to have a more honest internet friendship that I do value.

I save blocking for really crude assclowns or nuisance who won't take a hint.

So went on a date 10/10. For the six weeks prior we had been messaging/chatting. It seemed to go well (I think it did anyway) she said she would like to do it again which I take is a good sign but I think I may have missed the opportunity to kiss her aargh and its eating me upside. First date in over 15yrs.

@daffo your date sounds good and if there was snogging some fancying on both parts ?
I'm just chuffed that I've met someone I want to go on a second date with as that hasn't happened for a long time ! I need to see when we kiss how I feel as he is very nice but not 100% got the phaowr factor (yet).

I'm slightly ruined by the fact that my fwb is gorgeous (but totally messed up and unsuitable). I want to meet someone I can spend time with and plan to do things, holidays etc. More than just a pretty face.

@eesha well not only that. For example I've noticed for me I get chatting to someone and ignore other first messages if I'm into that chat. I think everyone has that...so it's a mixed bag of reasons

@azzizam I've done it when I recognise that I'm attracted to the person but they may not be a good match/communication sporadic/I don't feel valued. It basically just saves me from ever umming and ahhing over it if they get back in contact

@supercali Yeah I get that

We weren’t friends, until we’d met up and I’d had the impression it was going somewhere. But yeah, maybe that was too early - point definitely taken.

Again weird cause the thing on there that I’d assume would be offputting - my views on a particular subject that I won’t hijack the thread with! - we’d already spoken about. But then, could have been anything couldn’t it.

Yes I rarely block unless they are a pest and a few people have come back weeks later and we've gone on to be friends. Sometimes we all need time to consider our behaviour!

cool sounds great - that's exactly what I want too.

reborn don't be too hard on yourself!

Yes that's the thing beyond. I have all sorts of shit on my Facebook that people could take the wrong way. And on my Instagram I don't post that much but it's mainly scenery pics and probably makes me seem quite boring! But neither are accurate reflections of who I really am and sadly people do judge you on the content of those pages (not all people but some people!) especially when they haven't known you for a long time.

I'm sure with kids of today it's not an issue!!

Back home with kids after another lovely night at Mr BTO's. He cooked me dinner and we shared a bottle of wine. He's told his best mate about me. He's now away again till Weds visiting family and working in London but we plan to spend next weekend together. Still not certain where it'll go or if he's just the eternal batchelor - and we've had no discussion about anything - but feeling better knowing he has told his best mate about me b..

Hope everyone else has good dating weekend.

Daff oh hell yes, some men do. And some women don’t care 🤷🏻‍♀️

Azzizam I should preface this by saying I’m looking for a LTR, but I don’t see the point of not blocking someone if it’s clear things are going nowhere. I don’t need to know if they’ve tried to contact me again, as the fact that it didn’t work out (for whatever reason) won’t have changed. Sure if I needed an ego stroke it might provide one, but if I need an ego stroke from a guy who either I’m not truly interested in or who isn’t truly interested in me, then I also need a severe talking to

Case in point; had a message this morning from my last date (I’d unmatched on the app but not bothered to block his number, although I’d deleted that too) asking me on a second one. This is ten days after his last (utterly random) message which I didn’t reply to as it’d taken him five days to (I won’t say reply as it wasn’t one, just a total non sequitur) get in touch with me. I guess I could have replied “that’s nice” or “ohhhh kayyyyy, thanks for sharing” but I CBA, as he seemed massively CBA also, so I thought id let it suffer death by mutual disinterest I think I mentioned in an earlier post that our communication styles were really incompatible. I don’t need all day every day texting, but I do like daily contact. It’s just my way.

Anyhow now I have to reply (because he’s asked a question, rather than made a random statement, and I’m not a mannerless cow) and say no thanks to any date ever again and give him a reason why. Which I wouldn't have had to do were he blocked.

But like I say, I’m only on OLD to meet someone I want to have a serious long term relationship with, so I don’t really want a new male friend from it. We’re all different

Reborn if she’s said she wants to do it again have you asked for that second date? And not every woman likes being kissed on the first, even if they do fancy the guy. So I really wouldn’t dwell on that.

Maltropp glad you had a good date, but I need to know what BTO stands for if you’re happy to divulge?

Ok people, would you date someone who appears to be partly living with his ex? Usually I would stay well clear. I’m not really sure what his set up is, I’m kind of guessing that he has a room on camp (he’s army), I strongly suspect he also has a house which his wife (separated) lives in with his children. He spends a lot of time there with the kids, he collects them from school most days, puts them to bed and then goes back to camp, I’m pretty sure he stays there at the weekends (or at least one night). He tells me when he’s with the kids, doesn’t hide it and obviously he has to be at her house because he only has a room on camp. He messages me when he’s with his kids, never mentions his wife (talks about the kids a lot). I don’t want to question him too much as we are not in a relationship, he obviously doesn’t see a problem with whatever set up he has. Maybe his ex is working when he has the kids? Maybe he owns the house and won’t kick her out because of the children? I don’t know how I feel about it. He has asked to spend time with me tomorrow but said he was not be here until late morning (I’m guessing he’s staying with his kids). I have stupidly agreed. He’s one of the hardest people to talk too, he doesn’t open up at all. I’m waiting my time aren’t I?

lovemusic33. That sounds like a complicated situation to get involved with, I'm not sure I would. If they're married they both own the house so it's not a question of him throwing her out or not, if she can't buy him out he's probably stuck as a joint owner until the youngest is 18. The kids will be confused already if he's staying there but they're supposed to be separate.

Well, had my first date in almost five years today (broke up with ex a few months ago). I was nervous but he seemed lovely online and as I walked to where we were meeting I reminded myself that thousands of others are also going on first dates today so it isn't a big deal!!

I spotted him and thought phwoar, he was dressed lovely and does not look his age at all. It was raining heavy so we dropped into a pub for a quick drink before going on for lunch. On the way to the restaurant I heard a woman calling out. She was very obviously drunk and had fallen between two cars with her trousers around her thighs. I kid you not!! There was another woman helping her but she couldn't get her up. Date guy grabbed her under the arms had yanked her to her feet (minding not to drop her bottle of vodka!!)and went to find a taxi while the other lady and myself tried to help her pull up her trousers. Bloody hell!

First taxi he hailed refused to take her (in case she was sick). Date said we could go with her if it meant a taxi driver would take her (it would have been a 5 min drive so not far!) Taxi driver said it was fine, he'd take her as she lived only up the road. So, that sorted, we continued on to lunch.

He told mehow he almost bought an apartment in town but pulled out at the last minute. I asked him where he was looking (as I live in an apartment in town). He said the name of the complex I live in. Surprised, I asked what number. Would you believe it is the apartment directly above me! We had a good laugh about that.

It was all very easy and I was definitely attracted to him and I think vice versa. We had a little kiss (not a snog) at the end of the date.

Part of me thinks it is a little too early for me to be dating, but he really is lovely. We exchanged texts afterwards and he said I'm a lovely lady. Maybe I should just take a chance and go for it :)

like I’m only guessing what his situation is. He is messaging me now and is with his kids, I’m not sure if they are at the house or at camp. I think I don’t want to ask as I’m scared of what the answer will be because if he’s sleeping at the house whilst she’s there it will be a big no for me. It’s great that he is very involved with the kids but it’s weird if he’s sleeping in a house with his ex.

Just been on POF looking for other irons (to take my mind of Mr Marathon), got chatting to a older man, seemed nice and then he tells me he’s not actually single ,he said he’s a really honest person so wanted me to know, I wonder how honest he is to his wife?

Have had a crazy guy messaging me on Tinder, begging me to message him and saying how he really really likes me , think I will unmatch him, way too full on.

love loads of men in London still live with their exes because of the kids and the fact they can't afford 2 homes yet. It's not my favourite situation but I also understand the practicality of it. As long as they are properly separated/divorced.

Mr Last Night popped in for a cuppa and we dtd. He's so lovely and easy but I'm not sure how deep a relationship could go. He is rebuilding his life after a v messy divorce so starting all over again and staying with a friend, going to loads of meet up groups as he's new to London. Will see him Thursday. Not my type physically at all but for some reason it works (for now!).

Daffo your right, I guess it’s a tricky situation if your ex won’t move out. He does have somewhere else to live but I don’t think it’s suitable for his kids to stay more than one night. I do beleive they are separated. I’m not sure if it’s made more complicated by the fact she’s not British?

My ex does stay at my house from time to time but not when I’m here, he looked after our dd’s last weekend so I could have a break, he lives in a b&b so can’t have them there. I wouldn’t want him staying here when I’m here though, that would just be weird.

Hi all!

I am supposed to have a first date with J. next Sunday. We have been messaging on and off for a while, but I had been upfront about the fact that I was taking a break from OLD, so wasn't really meeting anyone new for a bit.

He understood this, but wanted to stay in touch with me anyway, in the hope that I would change my mind. So we exchanged the odd friendly text here and there, and then I decided that yeah, why not, I was ready to meet this guy. So I asked him out next weekend, which he happily accepted.

He is attractive, clearly intelligent, but hasn't really made me laugh beyond a chuckle yet. I am hoping that he is better in person than on his phone, as at times I do find the chat a bit dull and slightly off kilter. I do have a soft spot for him though, and admire his patience and tenacity!

However a couple of messages came through today, which left me a bit . Here is the conversation (if you could call it that!).

Him (Saturday morning, after not being in touch since the beginning of the week):

• Hey you xxx

Me - Good morning! How are you, J? Hope you're having a really nice weekend, whatever you're doing x

Him - I'm in the middle of nowhere.
Lol.

He then sends a photo of himself in a silly hat , and writes 'I've gone native' under it.

Me - Oh my word! Where in God's name are you?!

Him - I'm not actually sure, lol.

Me - Not sure what to say to that really! Umm, it does look in the background like you're in some kind of shop?? Are you out on the lash with friends?! This would certainly explain the vagueness of your whereabouts and replies

And no reply for the rest of the night. We are in our 40s, not fucking teenagers, and the above just reads as odd to me. As you can see, I was trying to work with the little he gave me, but it just wasn't happening!

Believe it or not, he is an intelligent man (with a job to match) and his messages don't normally read like this. When he gets back in touch, I feel like asking him to reread his messages, and asking what he himself would make of them if the situation was reversed.

He does appear really nice, but there is something a bit 'off kilter' about him. Not in a bad way exactly. Quirky, maybe?!

What would you do? (I feel like you really couldn't make this OLD shit up, half the time!)

Fuck, that was long - really sorry!