Dating thread 140 - Why????

[RunsforCake14]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Beyond people are confusing, I think sometimes people are really keen to begin with and then they realise there’s not really a connection and they back off slowly instead of doing the right thing and telling us it’s not working. I have had so many do this but have also done it to people too, mainly because I’m useless at saying ‘actually, this isn’t working’. I would stop texting and see if he chases, if he doesn’t then move on (I usually give them 48 hours and then block).

Well, first date in nearly 5 years tomorrow (broke up with ex in July). I'm nervous but he seems lovely. I've only been on the site a few weeks , him three weeks longer and has been on a few dates but not romance yet.

I'm telling myself I will be meeting Danny DeVito as I know I will be pleasantly pleased by not getting my hopes up. Nothing against Danny, but tall men do it for me. I told him I'm a little nervous :)

He's 6 years older than me. Will report back :)

People are indeed confusing! Wish I knew what had changed, but such is life.

I’m bloody irritable now though - I’d mentally shut down my sex drive between the end with and my sort-of-date, now it’s been switched back on and I have no one at hand to deal with it!!!

end with stbxh*

Annoying thing is (sorry for the monologue...) I’d understand being completely ghosted - it happens, I get it.

It’s this weird part interest that is confusing me. I’m not blocked, we are still fb friends. That’s the only thing I can think of that has changed btw, we weren’t fb friends til after we’d met - clearly something on my profile is offputting! Argh, stupid brain - just switch off and forget about it!!

One more thing - D knows I am autistic and has working knowledge of asd. The awareness is there that I’m crap at social clues, so a heads up on any change would be helpful and I’d think they’d know that.

Fuck it, I’m putting my phone down now so I stop posting my stream of thought. Sorry all 😬😂

And now I've scared all of you off too!!

@BeyondAdultHumanFemale not scared off, I think we have all been in the same boat where someone hasn't responded the way we would like. It's not very nice but what can you do? I also think if someone hasn't got time to text, they arent that interested, which is sad and unfair.

@beyondadult Double guessing strangers thought processes is a rabbit hole you shouldn't bother with...its a hiding to nowhere....ive been there! Its tempting! Don't do it. The quickest way to move on is to delete the conversation. Don't block if you think you'd be interested if they followed up again but after a bit...maybe block. It saves us all from ourselves!

Sorry, I know I’m not posting anything special or original here, just feeling a bit meh tonight and it came out as a stream of posts!

I’m mentally prepared for blatant crap - I have done OLD before (albeit practically via dial up 😂) - I was just thrown by thinking it was a good one.

Not helped by the fact I’m still not blocked. Purposely ignoring me kinda feels worse than just block/delete and move on

Is it usual to be more nervous on second date? First date included booze, second date daytime and coffee, he's lovely but I just found myself talking non stop shit , he messaged later that he'd enjoyed seeing me again! We had a long gap between dates as he'd been away plus both childcare stuff, had been messaging loads in between

Beyond, if someone is ignoring you why bother with them?. Block him yourself and move on. You need to raise the bar. If he's not falling over himself to meet you, then he isn't for you.

Good luck to those having good dates, dragon I guess a second date without alcohol may be a bit nerve racking but sounds like it went fine anyway.
Speaking of promising people beyond, I'm in the unfortunate position of having had some really nice dates with someone I like but realise that his childcare situation means I will feel second best and I'm not going to be happy with that so as much as I like him I will step away and start again with the tedious first chats.
Well I will if Bumble stops telling me I'm out of people!,

I wasn’t sure where the line was re leeway with someone being a single mum (with useless —my words— ex and no family to help) so needing extra time to respond/arrange things etc vs me being too keen. Fairly sure I am now on the other side of that line though, wherever it was. Would say it’s a learning curve, except I still haven’t learnt where it was!

Beyond I over think everything which is why I find it hard being ghoasted or when someone slows down with the texting, I start going through everything I have done and wonder what I have done wrong. The truth is it’s not worth trying to work out what you have done wrong because you were just being you, if there’s something he doesn’t like then he’s not the man for you.

Mr Marathon has been messaging me and has suggested going to the cinema. I have been overthinking about him all night ,sometimes it’s easier not to do OLD at all as it’s less stressful.

Been chatting to a Spanish guy.
I'm just not sure he will be the one...
Anyone tried other cultures. .
I used to worry what others would think about me dating non British guys etc Crazy I shouldn't care.

unique I dated a Canadian guy last year, all was good apart from him lying about his age. Spanish guys are pretty hot, go for it.

Oh really hate when people lie about their age.
Other than he doesn't watch much TV haha seems nice.

I came to these threads earlier this year and thought I'd update. After a few duffs, I found Mr Tennis on POF and we first met up in June. I was initially unsure as his youngest DC is not far off the age of my DGS and the spark wasn't instant for me.
He was really easy company but we seemed to have nothing in common, yet suddenly on the third date it clicked into place. He is a million miles away from my past disasters and I now wake up smiling every day. We go out and explore the world, talk for hours, stay in and play music and board games, have great sex and never tire of each other's company- we are compatible in our weirdness
I've honestly never felt so cherished and he seems equally besotted with me. It's been a great summer and we're in I think for the long haul.
So don't give up hope, they're not all arseholes!

Daffo hope the date goes well.
Re French bloke: I love clothes and for a partner to dress well (not necessarily to my taste, just....well) but if that’s the focus of their conversation before one even meets then I’m thinking obsessive. Or shallow. Or both.

Sky oh then yep, nope, def nope and very much yep. So I’m claiming “cool girl” status on aggregate

Legs I had a number of dates with a bloke who was really into fragrance, and he introduced me to a niche parfumerie in London, for which I will be forever thankful. Don’t ever smell Secretions Magnifiques, though. Trust me on that one.

Tried Hinge; found it quite sparsely populated and came across my first (and last) dating dick pic on a profile there. I personally wouldn’t recommend it at all. Although I’m aware that not wanting to have sight of the dick until I’ve actually chosen it to be in my eyeline might be seen to be a somewhat outmoded choice....

Cool nice date? Tell us more, tell us more! (Like, did he have a car?)

Here I’ve always had relationships with tall guys, but lately I’m really not that arsed about it. Possibly as I had a slightly inappropriate dream about Prince some time ago, and the feeling on waking has never quite left me......🤔

Beyond if you’ve not heard in a while then why not block him yourself? Saves looking at his social media and trying to second guess. If he doesn’t communicate in a way that works for you, then, you know, someone else will, eventually. And if you’re looking for dates to clue you in on their ever changing moods moment by moment, then I’m here to tell you that that is very unlikely to happen. Best work with what they’re doing and if you don’t like it then bin. I don’t know much about ASD, but OLD confounds us NTs just as much, so it might be best not to expect any kind of clues and focus on how you’re feeling. Is it good? Great! Is it pissed off and frustrated? Move on.
Ah just seen Cali and Here have said much the same

Dragon if you like them, then yes. So now you’re more invested in them liking you too. And your “non stop shit” is clearly his “scintillating repartee”. Nice work, chica

Nokia that’s a sound plan. Are you keeping the door ajar, or slamming it shut? How old are the kids? Not sure what my lower age limit is. One the one hand, I’m ancient so expect similarly ancient types to have grown up kids. On the other, my parents were 40 when they had me and my best mate was 39 and 41 with my godkids.

Unique I reckon at least 80% of guys my age (50) lie about their age. And 80% of the time it’s painfully obvious. I’ve had 2 celebs appear on Bumble; one shaved off 5 years and one 10. I recognised both, so of course I looked on Wikipedia. Not sure whether to applaud the brass neck or roll my eyes at the assumption women are to star struck/ plausible/thick not to check. Went for the eye roll.

Zero to report here. Which must be apparent as I’m posting at 10pm on a Friday......

Awww great news Married , I’m made up for you, I remember you from earlier, good to hear another OLD success

how does plenty of fish work? How come 450 meetme people but no emails???....

It’s the single mum bit that’s making me think twice - I’d hate for someone to give up on me when I’m genuinely floundering and dealing with a load of family crap on my own, and haven’t got the head space for them on top of it. I don’t expect to be put above that (or even to rank high enough to be informed after one date), so if it is genuine then it’s fine. It’s just that I’m now suspecting it isn’t that, it’s semi-ghosting. But I don’t know that, it could just be paranoia ishoos as the crappy legacy of xp. I’m just gonna leave it - and put from my mind - for a couple of days and see what happens, think I’ll block if still awol after the weekend.

Meanwhile I have been chatting to a few others today, so I’ll bounce back :)

@coverme, yes he can drive and I even saw his car with my own eyes!
There wasn't immediate chemistry or anything but the chat was good and relaxed.

I like his face! It's a nice face. Definitely would like to see him for another date and we've already arranged it so let's see :-).

And speaking of bouncing back, I’ve just had a message from someone local who is in a music festival group along with me on fb :)