Dating thread 140 - Why????

[RunsforCake14]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Esha, it doesn’t matter who messages first, sometimes I do, I try and think of something interesting to say but it’s hard on Tinder as people often don’t write anything about themselves. I had a couple matches last night and received a few messages which I haven’t replied to yet.

I suppose I wanted to feel a bit chased hence wanted the man to contact me first. My profile does have stuff in it which can be chatted about. Maybe I'll bite the bullet....

Shitwithsugaron just want to add my voice to the “don’t contact” advice.

Not sure how long you’ve been seeing this guy for but I’m guessing weeks/months as opposed to long term? So it’s still “seeing each other/dating” not a fully fledged relationship. I’m also guessing/assuming he has other people in his life who care for him. If (and it’s a massive if) he is suffering an acute MH episode then the onus isn’t on you to offer support.

Fact remains, whatever his reasons he’s chosen not to contact you and I think maybe focus on how it’s making YOU feel (instead of HIS thought process) and ask yourself if that’s OK? Do you really want to be with someone that doesn’t consider how you might feel when they withdraw contact without a word? Also the way he responded to being asked about his home life is another huge 🚩 in my not very humble opinion. I don’t want a guy round at my house straight away (I still need to clean my oven ) but I wouldn’t panic or make a big deal of it.
It really needn’t/shouldn’t be this difficult this soon, honestly.

But anyway, I really wouldn’t do anything. Cry, have a rant here, make a voodoo dolly, do whatever it takes to deal with your emotions about this, but don’t try and contact him again as I don’t think any outcome would make you feel better about how he’s behaved and you could easily come off looking like a stalker if he’s alive and well and being a dick. And that really won’t make you feel better, closure or otherwise.

Hi all! I've just joined, gonna start dating again - had some bad experiences last time but willing to give it a go again!

Wish me luck! 🍀

Eesha men liked to be chased too. I didn’t used to message first but after talking to the males on here it’s obvious that men like to be chased the same as we do and you have nothing to lose by message no, they must have liked your photo to swipe on you so you already know they are interested.

Good luck, Khaleesi, great news about the 2nd date, Change and do whatever you feel comfortable with Eesha 👍🏻

CoverMeLads I just read the fuck yes! like, it's so true. I know this stuff but I've still pursued guys who've been half-hearted about me , and been embarrassed by their lack of fuck yeah back at me!
Also have been fuck no about people but stayed with them because it suited my needs at the time, always ended up regretting them too!

You’re welcome it’s like an instant self-esteem reminder, isn’t it?

Loved the Fuck Yeah piece, a real reminder that it's not necessarily something I've done wrong if I'm not getting a red hot fuck yeah back, it's just not worth trying to rationalise and hope for something that's not there.

Thank you all, reading the thread over the last couple of days has helped me begin OLD feeling much better prepared. Chatting to a couple of guys from PoF at the moment. Fuck yes/no! a really good read. Thank you all again 😀

I have matched with quite a few people on tinder today (day off work, thought I would hit the sites hard ), taking to 2 so far. One sent me some photos of himself and he looked very different in all of them, amazing in one photo, not as nice in others, how can someone look so different with and without facial hair? 🤣 the other looks like he’s possibly army or navy (a lot of people are where I live), he has a lot of tattoos and is quite a bit older than me. I have a few others to reply too.

well I did message my one Tinder matcg but didn't hear back! Think ill go back to waiting for the man to write first!

Just read fuck yes/no - it's a good plan. Like his friend, I also got married (and had kids) just going with the flow - in hindsight both should have been fuck yeses (not that I don't adore my children!!)

D is definitely a fuck yes from me, but I don't know if it's mutual. Been offline for two days now and I'm back to feeling paranoid. Like I said though - D is a busy single parent - how long is the point where it clearly isn't a fuck yes? stupid social rules, I'm crap at them.
Have one seriously sparkly house from trying to distract myself though 😂

I have also been back on the apps as I know having one iron is (partly) what is making me obsess. In conversation with two other potential irons there :)

I’ve got the afternoon off so I should probably do some serious swiping too. I’ve got counts 8 who’ve liked me to look at on Bumble, but I’m going to hazard a guess that I’ll swipe right on....ooooh about nil

So what is with Tinder? I created a new account this morning, started swiping, matched instantly with someone. So I messaged 'That was quick' and it turns out he hadn't seen me/swiped on me. It's all a con isn't it??

Dog I occasionally get messages from people that I’m sure I haven’t swiped on.

So, one of my old irons has returned (he keeps doing this and then vanishes again), he’s Mr Marathon and we dated almost a year ago, he was a bit shy, we then DTD and he freaked out and vanished, he did apologise and I think he had only just split from his wife. I really like him but I know he’s likely to mess me around and that he has issues, he’s also in the army and often gets deployed for 3 months at a time. He’s likely to mess with my head.

Also getting messages from another old iron who likes to send random photos of his manhood, it’s a shame as he has a really nice face and is totally my type looks wise, why do men think they can get a woman by showing them there gentals?

I had a message on POF this morning from someone who looks geeky but interesting, I have replied to his message and I’m waiting for a reply.

I really really want a date for next week or for the weekend.

I am going to be so disappointed if I don't fancy the man I'm messaging, I initially started chatting to him on a friends only basis as his profile picture isn't very inspiring (might be unphotogenic like me) and he's 8 years older than me. But I'm really enjoying talking to him and struggling not to flirt. Meeting is proving to be a challenge, he works long hours and has a long commute but will hopefully get his act together soon, I've been clear I'm not going to message indefinitely.

Hey - newbie to this this thread here! I did read the old friend but never place-marked so doing now (ish!).
Have been on an OLD site for about 4 weeks, have had a bit of banter but more so with someone I'm supposed to be going out with this weekend. Only thing is is that I'm not really convinced there'll be a spark but also I've put on so much weight recently (which is not me - it was the living-with-the-ex experience whilst I waited it out until my tenants moved out of my flat that sent my spirits plummeting) so that I feel totally unattractive. I've always been a size 8 but am now a size 12.
Since I've moved back to my house I'm not over-eating as much but it'll be a while until I get back to my former self.

My gut feeling is to just say no to this man and not date until I feel confident and worthy enough to date. Can anyone recommend a way forward?

Jeez, my nerves are shot. I need a grip. I'm a rational 45 yr old professional but lost the plot a bit over guys non texty ways.... Mr BTO (who I've been seeing for a, little over amonth, 6 dates all sleepovers and a whole weekend together thus far) just returned from a week away.... He is so not a texter but was very texty (by his standards) while away until Sunday. Then silent until Tues when I got a huge long chatty message, he got home late y'day and sent a short message, I replied and got nowt back (mind you I did say I was busy..I was). We made a putative plan for this Friday before he went away but I had no idea if we'd firmed up. Heard nothing today and decided that I am the prize so if he wants to see me he could ask me.... I was giving up all hope but he finally messaged at 9pm today inviting me round tmrw and we have a plan. Great, but he thought I had kids tmrw he so initial invite was just for a cuppa, told him I was kid free so could do a proper eve out if he was free... He took half an hour to reply.... Half an hour in which I just thought "I've scared him away" and panicked. I'm a ridiculous teenager in this regard, clearly over invested and utterly pathetic. Shoot me now.

😀😀Just had a first meeting/date with someone from PoF (Mr BMW). Had a lovely evening. Conversation was relaxed and funny, but covered some more serious stuff too. Had a lovely full on snog to say goodbye, and have messaged each other thank you and goodnight etc. Really hope we'll be able to see each other again. Mustn't get too over invested though! xx 🙄🙄

Sounds fab Nuttienettie

@midcenturylegs

Go on the date! It doesn't matter what size or shape you are, just go and enjoy yourself. I dated plenty of guys where there was no spark for me, but just getting out there and getting used to the whole "first date" thing was a massive confidence booster.

You ARE worthy of dating no matter what size, shape or anything else.