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Original poster

Dating thread 140 - Why????

999 replies

RunsforCake14 · 02/10/2018 09:30

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

OP posts:
unique1986 · 10/10/2018 20:05

How many dates is too many when you are not sure about someone??

CoverMeLads · 10/10/2018 20:12

There’s no set number. You’ll know when you know. It took me six (my best mate saying “you’re tryint to talk yourself into this” helped Wink )

I think we all deserve the “fuck yeah!” though.....

markmanson.net/fuck-yes

unique1986 · 10/10/2018 20:13

Also regarding communication after a few meetings what's good amount of communication between meets?
Esp when your both being cautious and taking things naturally.
Just wondering as I think in the past I've put up with guts hardly texting/phoning.
Yet the ones that text daily can be the weirdos lol

unique1986 · 10/10/2018 20:14

*guys

Ittakestwo · 10/10/2018 20:16

@unique1986 it would appear one for me but I’m new to this.

I’ve sent the message in the nicest but direct way I could.
I’m going to be pretty brutal I haven’t got time to waste if there is no spark or flags flying all over.
The only persons feelings I’m sparing right now are my own I will probably be rejected too and I was last year but I respect that rather than be lead up the path

unique1986 · 10/10/2018 20:20

I've enjoyed 2 hour intense over thinking phone calls but most the time it's cos you both need a long chat. Or the first call.
It's unrealistic to do that all the time esp when you are just having those analytical calls.
Anyone else had long chats with someone for it to lead nowhere ?

unique1986 · 10/10/2018 20:25

Oh right.

It's hard as imo a lunch date will never be that good. Atmosphere helps and location sometimes. Being delayed or stressed doesn't help.
Also some people won't be relaxed on a first meet.

CoverMeLads · 10/10/2018 20:31

Oh don’t get me wrong, I’ve said no after one date quite a few times. Because I did know. I’m not sure about the “slow burn” really, but some people swear the best relationships come from it....

And no, I don’t do long chats before a date. And the first date is always coffee. I think it’s called a “predate” but it saves a ton of awkwardness IMO

supercali77 · 10/10/2018 20:35

@unique I wondered too and have been on several wondering if the slow burn was a real thing. For me in this case it wasn't right and now I'm wondering how best to go about ending it ... as he's lovely but not for me. So I guess I'd say keep it light until you're sure?

Eesha · 10/10/2018 20:37

Hello peeps, who messages first in Tinder?....

unique1986 · 10/10/2018 20:42

Yes I've also had definite no after a date.
Weirdly it's the ones that turn up with flowers.
Eeek was so embarrassed. Him walking through Westfield holding flowers.. I threw them in the toilets at the end. I know I'm terrible.
Also being put on the spot at the end puts me off.

unique1986 · 10/10/2018 20:47

@ supercali77
What's he like??
Wink

supercali77 · 10/10/2018 21:36

I can't believe how common ghosting after a fairly long period has become! Da fuq is wrong with people!?

supercali77 · 10/10/2018 21:36

@unique people who want to hold hands on the first date freak me out

changeoflife · 10/10/2018 23:21

Had a very good 2nd date. I like this guy.... and I'm very fussy! Have had more 1st dates than I care to think about. For me I know after the 1st meet if there is something worth pursing. I just know. I even fancy them or oI don't. Or I like the8r personality or I don't. It's that simple for me. And as I have to pay for babysitters to go out I just don't waste my time.!!

unique1986 · 10/10/2018 23:46

So what's a good 2nd date like?
Seriously is it less awkward than the first and you think you'd like to kiss them?
Or does it just flow better and you don't have to do as much small talk?

changeoflife · 11/10/2018 05:00

A good 2nd date for me usually involves a lot more banter. Less nerves. More relaxing than the 1st because you know that you wanted to see each other again. It's still learning about the other person but less mundane stuff. I much prefer 2nd dates.

Oh and kissing. If we haven't kissed on a 2nd date then I don't bother with a 3rd.

shitwithsugaron · 11/10/2018 06:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Eesha · 11/10/2018 06:54

I'd leave it @shitwithsugaron, just makes it seem like you are pining for him. Let him contact you. I know it's hard but he seems to have made his decision no matter how insensitive it is.

changeoflife · 11/10/2018 07:03

I would leave it as well shitwithsugaron. It's so common to be ghosted. It's crap behaviour on his part, really horrible but the chances are this is exactly what has happened. I also had thoughts about the guy who ghosted me, worrying that he was ill, couldn't contact me etc. but I held it together and a few weeks later a bit of Facebook stalking revealed him to be well and healthy. Just a dick.

shitwithsugaron · 11/10/2018 07:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Eesha · 11/10/2018 07:27

hey all, who chats first on Tinder? I haven't had any matches on there though apparently 30 likes which I can't see. Finally one match but I don't want to make first contact! Am I being silly?

Eesha · 11/10/2018 07:30

Excitedly got comment on Hinge, hoped it was normal. His entire instagram is littered with hand drawn pics of women screaming. Sigh....

Lovemusic33 · 11/10/2018 07:32

Shit you need to leave it, your not his carer or his counseller, do you really want to be with someone who disappears when things get a bit tough? I can tell you that you don’t. The last relationship I was in was like this, at one point he implied he was going to kill his self and I stupidly drove miles to try and find him and ended up calling the police when he would not respond to my messages (police had to break into his work place where they found him perfectly fine), he turned abusive, he cheated on me and things ended very badly, I guess I thought I could help him and felt sorry for him but it ended with me be very ill myself and it has taken me 2 years to recover. His problems are not yours.
Get back on the dating sites and find someone to keep you occupied even if it’s only to go on a few dates with or FWB, you will then see that there are better people out there.

Comeandhaveago · 11/10/2018 07:33

Either can chat first on Tinder @Eesha but it is my experience that I get matches and then they never message! So maybe bite the bullet and go for it.
Likes that you can’t see I think are out of your distance or age range. It’s Tinder’s way of trying to get you to pay as then you can see them