Dating thread 140 - Why????

[RunsforCake14]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

I think I've found another penpal, it's getting to a habit.

@northernflowerhouse and @pookiedo I do appreciate your advice, thank you. I'll let him down as gently as I can. I hate it, but the chemistry isn't there or the other stuff wouldn't matter.

Well Mumsnet helped me understand then get out of a horrible marriage back in 2012 and now I've been back for a few months lurking on the inevitable OLD thread. What I have read here has made so much sense, it's made me laugh and it's really helped me to identify what I want - multiple FWBs, a concept I had never encountered before. Not only am I having fun with said FWBs but I feel like me again after far too many years of being someone else entirely. And I've finally toughened up emotionally too. So thank you, OLD Mumsnetters and Tinder (which I really recommend - I've encountered far fewer utter creeps there than on Bumble, Match and Guardian Soulmates)

liker I atractive penpals too, I now try and be a bit harder on them and if there’s no date after 2 weeks I move on, although I have been chatting to Mr Tall on and off for a month because he’s entertaining.
I need to find some irons to take my mind off of Mr Kayak, I like him but he’s become a bit flakey, I know he has stuff going on at home but again that just adds to the reasons why it would not work out (too much baggage for me to handle). So I’m back browsing on POF and not having much luck.

Atract

Hi all.New to thread but was on the thread a few years ago when I was first single,latest relationship of 4 years has recently broken down so here I am again!
Have had a couple of dates with the same guy and seeing again this week but not sure if physically attracted to him although he is the loveliest man

Wow koko12 sounds like you have only been single a week lol
I would feel rubbish getting to 4 years then starting over again. Would need a few months to move on.
But yeh why not if you can attract decent guys quickly.
I would end up slagging off the ex on dates.

Has been 4 months, and relationship before that lasted 13 years. Despite his i’m hopeful that surely there’s some decent single guys out there!

NorthernFlowerHouse I'm constantly working on my boundaries, recently had them horribly attacked in my own home by a cowboy tradesperson. (I wasnt attacked, just my goodwill)
You sound lovely. Id be a bit weirded out by that conversation if we hadn't both agreed we're just looking for sex.
I've met some fab guys OLD who weren't for me but it's fun to share dating tales with them, I love hearing all the funny/romantic/gory details but I wouldn't be so keen if it was a potential love interest. It disrespectful to both of you women.
He should save the trumpy locker room chats for his homies 🙄

Okay.
Dating is quite hard when men constantly ask what you are looking for or why you messaged them.
Wish we could turn back time when people didn't have check lists:(
Or didn't care if you liked photos or not.

PookieDo just wondered how you felt in the build up to dtd with your now partner?
I have a debilitating health condition which causes chronic pain, inflammation and fatigue.
I look really lovely in photos but in reality my body (to me) is dreadful. I can't come to terms with the changes to my shape. I'm only five feet tall and nearly ten stone.
I've been on a first date with someone who clearly likes me and we (so far) find it very natural talking to each other and there's a definite spark of physical as well as cerebral chemistry.
So...if the spark is s there on next meeting and we continue communication in the same vein I can see sex being on the cards at some point.
I still have other irons but he's the one who interests me the most!
So...what do you do?
How did you feel?
I can't bear even seeing my naked body in the mirror let alone imagine unveiling to this guy who's super athletic.
I just don't know how to proceed.
What if we do it and he's repulsed by my body?
Id just be mortified.
The last guy I had sex with was a bit of an fwb and long distance so I knew it wasn't going anywhere so didn't care too much, but I was also a whole stone lighter (in may).
I already have mobility issues but having lost all the weight I proceeded to have an accident and then a virus which sent me downhill and as consequence I'm back to being unfit and bigger than I want to be.

Sorry rambling now 😁😱🤣

IdontknowwhyIcallhimGerald I feel for you, how awkward, you're not shallow, I think, like you said, had there been more chemistry/spark you'd have overlooked those things.
Just tell him you had a lovely time but you're multiple dating/ Now in a relationship/feeling too vulnerable to date just now and wish him well on his journey!
Then, meant in the kindest way, block him so he doesn't see you're actively looking and your excuse looks genuine.
Or ignore me and be more honest!
Poor guy tho, I just posted about my own body image issues so I can understand why he might have 'underperformed' not your responsibility tho.

I have insecurities about my figure.
Hit 29 and piled on weight. So hard to cut the chocolate and bread.
I never liked slim slim guys anyway but I now look for the slightly chubby guys or at least similar size to me.
Probably why I haven't got far in few years.

unique1986 bless you, that's a funny way of dealing with it. Hope they have lovely personalitird too.
I dated one guy who was a martial artist. He was HOT I only ever saw him clothed but....wow.
In a way I was pleased when he ghosted me so I'd never have to reveal my body to him !

dragonflyflew

If you are at the stage of having sex, once you're naked he is not going to back out!!!

I have body confidence issues and feel massive, I'm about 5ft 2 and weigh 11 stone.
I have just come out of a 17 year marriage and am not looking to date but I have a few FB's now.

I don't know what I was worrying about, they have all been really complimentary of my body and none of them have said anything bad about me.

I stayed in a hotel and took a full length naked photo (as you do) and couldn't believe how slim I looked!!! I honestly feel like a whale all the time but actually in real life I am a nice size.

Positive thinking dragon is the way to go!!!!

Thank you @dragonflyflew. I genuinely didn't have any issue with his size - and he's really very big indeed - but if you like someone it doesn't matter, it's part of them and it's lovely. I did mind the huge areas of psoriasis though and the lack of technique (partly caused by his lack of mobility) and it does make me feel shallow to have been so put off by those things. We risk so much when we get naked with someone - I think most of us are inwardly criticising ourselves - and this is the first time I've found something I can't look past. It's horrible, I feel so unkind.

I also look for guys who do not have athletic bodies! It makes me feel inferior just thinking about it. I am a size 14-16 and not very toned. I have scars cellulite and stretch marks.
When I first DTD I usually want to do it in the dark but this time with Mr A I just seemed to not really have a strong desire to hide from him. I’m never going to want to parade it all around but I don’t look as bad lying down and frankly he isn’t looking at me when I am doing all kinds of naughty things - he’s looking at my face or boobs 😂

I felt at ease enough to want to be a bit carefree. I think it’s how the other person makes you feel. If they make you feel beautiful and attractive you will probably feel more confident. If they just treat you like meat you will feel shit

I have some mobility restrictions too and DTD positions are not that comfy. I just ask to move!

unique most men don’t care about extra weight, the ones that do care are not worth worrying about, also I find it doesn’t make no difference what size they are to what their body preferences are, many skinny men like big girls and lots of large men like small girls. I’m a size 10/12 and by body looks a mess from having children (bad stretch marks), I used to really worry about it but now I don’t, most men don’t care, some even find it sexy and the ones that do care can fuck off 🤣

I’m feeling pissed off with the situation with Mr Kayak, I’m going to send him a message later saying I can’t be bothered anymore as he can’t even be bothered to read my texts and then gets funny with me when I don’t text for a day. I’m going to try and arrange a few dates for next week to take my mind off him, I need to find someone that’s not just available when they want to be and expect me to hang around waiting for them.

I have a old iron messaging me, we have talked on and off for a couple years, we talk about how dating has been and occasionally he will suggest meeting. Will call him Mr Tattoo. Mr Beard keeps asking to come over for fun (he wasn’t that great the first time so I’m not that keen on a 2nd). I need new irons but all the ones that keep messaging me look a bit weird, one guy was wearing a awful jumper that looked like something my dad would have worn in the 90’s.

And with that, the perfect man has just sent me a message (well perfect on paper), pilot, fit, good looking, younger than me and good with his hands. Too good to be true? 🤣🤣

Thank you for sharing guys. I need to get over this by the sounds of things it will be ok!

Also, if someone doesn't like my naked self we're probably not a good match anyway!

Good! It’s not like you are expected to pose on a chaise whilst Leonardo Dicaprio draws you like his other girls it’s more like a blurry chaos of bits of body parts isn’t it. Usually they are focusing on looking at you from boobs to face. I would have to be super comfortable with someone to go doggy 🙈

Argh, what did I say to myself about rule three!!! After more enocouraging messages on the weekend, D suddenly appears uninterested. Really hoping something is up, and annoying myself that I can't switch my head off, chill and stop obsessing. I had a really good gut feeling about this, for the first time in a long time. Meh.

Pookie I go all in with the doggie, who cares what my ass looks like and if my tits are hitting the floor 🤣 gave up caring a long time ago.

Really I don’t think men care, if they have got to the point of taking you to bed then they are obviously not going to be bothered if your a bit wobbly around the edges or if you have stretch marks, just enjoy.