Dating thread 140 - Why????

[RunsforCake14]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

If you’re a miserable cow, I’m one too. I hate the fake small talk bit I’m fine once it gets on to proper conversation but the start makes me want to pull my own teeth!!

I'm still getting nowhere :)

Seeing a very nice looking bloke on Tuesday. Other than that, have nothing set up and no active chats. Bumble really has become a mad house and because of the sudden influx of people, it's actually getting harder to get messages back as so many men are clearly just swiping right on everything.

Met a single woman this weekend who is 36 (friend of a friend) and also online dating. She has her age range so that the top of her range is catching the bottom of mine and I can see why blokes at the bottom of my range would rather go out with someone like her than me if judged in a purely tinder/bumble basis .

I will keep ploughing on but I don't have much hope! Am pondering coming off all of them now and just going on tinder as bumble really has become pointless atm.

Morning thread.

A quick update from me. Mr FWB who I was seeing exclusively from May to December last year and less frequently since April/ May time this year, has shifted in a nice way. We spent the whole weekend together, he is very affecionate and seems more into me as an acutal person. We chatted about what happened before, he said he felt like I was putting pressure on him, he knows now that is not the reality. He now can see how independent I am, how I don't need him (but I do want him) and he is more relaxed as how things are.

We haven't said we will be exclusive, but at the moment neither of us are seeing anyone else and at least we are talking this time and seeing how things go. The connection we have physically is still off the scale, when we touch each other it feels like magnestism. But when he isn't around I am not stressing about anything, I am living my own life etc. I don't know how it will go, whether it will develop into more or whether I indeed want it too, but I am enjoying every minute I spend with him. He is funny, caring and very very practical. He never complains about anything, is the most easy going person I have ever met. Its a nice match. He does not want to be tied (he is a committment phobe), and quite frankly I want to be able to be free too.

Anyway, I feel happy, I feel very comfortable with him, it just wouldn't work as a "conventional" relationship. I don't want or need him to meet my kids yet, I don't need to see him all the time. I need to say something to Mr Surf/ski I would like to see himk again as a friend, but as we already slept together that might be a bit tricky so not sure what to do.

Have a good week everyone :)

Just thought I'd come on and say hi to everyone.
Sorry I can't remember the name of the poster that tried a long distance date but then was ghosted, harry maybe? Anyway, I'm sorry it ended up that way, it can be such a struggle and I've also been guilty of forming a connection with someone over text and phone calls only to find out (after the guy drove 260 miles to meet me) that I wasn't attached to him and knew I couldn't ever be. In that sense I suppose I can help with the opposite viewpoint, I never had any intention of leading anyone on and had massively high hopes but I think it would have had to be just about love at first sight for me to have kept seeing him. The difference is I didn't ghost him and we continued to be friends over text but unfortunately he actually still had hope that if change my mind and the situation ended up a little bit awkward. So whilst it hurts at the moment please try to have faith that you can meet someone much closer and have a great connection with them.

On to my wonderfully positive story now. I met someone in September that I called MrQuiet I think - well I am now in an exclusive relationship with him and everything is looking very promising at this early stage so I am keeping my fingers crossed. We just get on so well, are very attracted to each other and it all just flows - no drama, no anxiety (which I usually have with anyone I date), no stress!

I will still pop by to offer support where I can but I suppose my message is keep having faith. I had almost given up but I had also become very content with my life without a man for the first time ever, and wasn't really using the dating apps properly when I found him.

@Cakecrumbs that's fantastic, fingers crossed it all works out for you!

Sorry pudding, I must have been writing my update when you posted yours.
How lovely, sounds absolutely perfect in terms of being exactly what you're looking for, enjoy yourself, very happy for you (still imagine you as a complete sex siren with long flowing locks 😁)!

Thanks wishy, things sounding good for you too❤️! (apologies I couldn't keep up with all the posts so struggled to mention and congratulate people!)
I really appreciated the support you gave me😊

@Cakecrumbs
Yes fingers crossed things are really good at the moment with Mr24. Still early days but I'm very happy and like you said, it's nice having a drama free relationship ☺️
Long may it continue!

Hi @Cakecrumbs !

Yeah it was me that tried the long distance thing (that went tits up!) The important thing is you did the decent thing and didn't ghost him, if this guy i had been seeing had done the same and sent a simple message to say 'look this isn't working for me' then i would have been able to accept it and move on and still have some respect for him as a decent mature adult. Hey ho never mind, onwards and upwards they say!

Congrats on your good news, I have my fingers crossed also!

Hello peeps, nothing much to report. Got ghosted I think by MrMilitary, no message since last Monday and were due to meet this weekend. I sent a note yesterday which remains unread so I think it's a non starter! Why can't people just say something instead of radio silence!

Met a lovely nanny at playgroup who advised me that Bumble was so last year and had become like Tindr. She recommended Hinge and Happn so wish me luck!

Hi all, well I took the plunge and joined match . I have a date lined up for the weekend so looking forward to that. Lots of things in common, he can spell, doesn't use text speak, plenty of photos, height I like and a sweet smile.

What could possibly go wrong?

Have to say I am astounded at the amount of men clearly in their late 50s, early 60s trying to pass as mid-40s. I mean, seriously

Not sure if I will regret the decision to return to OLD (recently-ish single) but I might park myself here for a while instead of just reading.

Cake I like your image of me ;) Its not correct but I will take it!

Sounds good with Mr Quiet, long may it continue.

Was meant to meet a chap off bumble- had to cancel last week after a genuine emergency.

He was fine and wants to reschedule but last night started telling me (unasked) about another woman he met the night after our original plan, including her body type (not pervy or disparaging words in themselves, just suggesting she was quite a voluptuous lady) and wasn't explicit but strongly implied they'd DTD and enjoyed it.

No probs with him dating other women, we've not even met but would anyone else feel seriously put off by being told this?! Not sure if I'm being daft here but trying to work on my boundaries as well as meet a bloke!

@NorthernFlowerHouse, that is off putting in my opinion. I’d still go on the date and then see how it goes but I’d be on guard.

yes I wouldn't like that

re the boundaries, I think it's so so key that you work out what yours are. I've made the mistake before of not doing that then falling down the same traps, even though I know they are traps and I see them coming

@NorthernFlowerHouse

That is a bit weird! All for being upfront and honest so him mentioning going on another date isn't in itself a bad thing but to go into detail in that way seems a bit odd! Perhaps he was trying to gauge your reaction/ see if you'd be up for the same/make you jealous/ paint himself as an irresistible stud who has women queuing up for him 🤷🏼‍♀️
Either way, I'd find it a bit off putting. If you like him, give him a chance to redeem himself and go on the date, just be cautious

northern I did have someone liked that who turned into being someone who was into what they called 'ethically non monogamous relationships' (i.e. cheating but telling the other person what you're up to!)

maybe he also thinks of you as a friend, which in a way is nice, but not great if you want to do dating either!

Well I thought I'd found someone lovely but now I'm not so sure. Dtd at the weekend and was physically very put off him. I know it sounds terrible but he revealed a very severe case of psoriasis just before getting his kit off, so obviously I did the kind thing and said it didn't matter etc. It may sound shallow but it really was extreme and I struggled. He's also a very big man, which doesn't bother me in the slightest, but obviously certain positions were totally out of the question and it had been a very long time for him, and he was just inept. I feel terrible that it took him a lot of courage to bare all and now I just want to run in the opposite direction. He's invested totally in me. How can I get out of this without being a total bitch?

Hello,

I have used online dates for 4/5 years on and off.
Has anyone else noticed how rubbish POF has became?
I used to be able to message the odd person and get some emails back every month and a date quite often.
But there seems to be hardly any new users even when I go 6 years younger/older and 75 + miles distance?
I have used Match, Ok Cupid which is strange most the time.
I often feel like giving up for months but its so hard to not use them esp when bored and single for ages and ages.
I am happy just with male friendship but that is so hard to find these days.

• Excuse the spelling errors, on my phone.

@unique1986 I feel the same! I was on those sites but someone today suggested Hinge and Happn so I'm giving those a go. I've stopped Tindr and Plenty of Fish because was getting nothing. I'm hoping things come from Bumble as I've had three dates via there but seems to also be going a bit downhill!

Gerald if its not working for you, you have every right to end things. That doesn't make you a bitch.

I think try and let him down as kindly as possible though, at least a phone call. I'd normally advocate honesty but a white lie is fine here- work/ kids/ need some time alone.

Did he say anything after though, that he was really nervous? I just wonder though if you get on really well and he has some issues that understandably might make him uncomfortable in the bedroom, whether things might improve with familiarity and you might be able to see past the psoriasis? Depends how much you like him.

Gerald You could say you feel a lack of chemistry/spark with him although you have had a lovely time etc

I feel for him but it just sounds like it’s not working for you. Mr A doesn’t have a buff body (nor do I whatsoever call me Mrs Wobbly) but I actually find his ‘flaws’ attractive at the same time, does this make sense? Or I don’t see them.

Eesha thanks will maybe check out that site sometime. I hate being on a few sites as you see end up seeing the same people.
I'd rather be invisible all the time.
A few months ago I met someone a handful of times had been a while since that happened.
I ran a mile after he kept asking me to go to his.
I just wasn't sure what he had in mind..
Plus he his best friend seemed to spend most weekends with him..
Yes I was put off.
Is it weird to not feel ready to go round someone's house after 4/5 meets and we hadn't kissed.

@unique1986 tbh I tried those sites I recommended today and haven't been wowed! The same faces again! I think I'm going to take a break and hopefully it refreshes itself in my mind after this!