Dating thread 140 - Why????

[RunsforCake14]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

I leave the thread (and only pop back to read why someone mentioned me a day or so ago) - and I find it's all kicked off!

I'm one of those negative posters because my experience of OLD has been dire. And I know I'm not alone on here. That said, I like to hear success stories and I think we should hear more as a balance. OLD works for some but not for all of us.

We don't know the exact circumstances of how Bendy and Kin met, although obviously this thread helped. I wish them all the best for the future. Both have offered me good advice in the past.

However, it has hit a nerve with some people on here. It may make people feel more vulnerable and less likely to share their thoughts. It may make people less willing to let others view their profiles in the future. We have no idea who is lurking on this thread. I've had a couple of unsolicited PMs from people who've obviously read my posts and decided to contact me. And I've also had some very supportive messages from regulars on here.

I hope I've been around long enough to recognise when someone is offering genuine support. But that self awareness has only come from the support of this thread and reading how other people deal with the minefield of OLD. When I first joined the thread, I wouldn't have known what to do if I had been sent a PM from someone offering me help.

Dating the thread has worked for Kin and Bendy. But for others in the past it has not been a good experience, which is why the rule is there. If you don't think it's important that's fine but for others it's important reminder that not everyone on here may be genuine.

I'm relatively new to the threads but I don't really have an issue with people dating here, I'm surprised it hadn't happened sooner. Good for people who have found happiness I say, I love positive stories no matter how they have come about. I'll still use this thread to run past various situations with you knowledgeable people no matter what!

wishy val eesha halfdutch runs
Thank you, I appreciate the support.

This thread is generally very supportive and I know that I've done my best to help people here since I found the thread June, as has Kin over a longer period. What help and support have you contributed over this time, Bant? I've seen you rarely, and then it's mainly been to criticise and act like the Thread Police. Here have my very first MN .

As for predatory, any such person with those motives wouldn't let a so called 'rule' stop them. It IS a safe place here from what I have seen and experienced. So get off your high horse and stop preaching, when you have yourself admittedly broken the 'rules', but because it's within your own ethics, that is OK . There is no threat to vulnerable people here. Fwiw the 'rule' was restated within a short period on that thread. We have done nothing wrong, and I certainly won't be told by someone like you that we shouldn't have met or fallen in love. I am living in the real world. Shame you don't seem to be.

I will bow out of this thread now. I did think I had something useful to still contribute and support others, but I feel unwelcome now. I would still be happy to share my succesful OLD experiences and help anyone via PM should they want to contact me directly.

Best of luck everyone. I genuinely wish all those on OLD every success, and I hope you meet lovely people, by whatever route that happens to occur.

I feel sad that you have been made to feel that way bendy. I don’t post much, but the experiences on here have helped me enormously. Even if only in making me realise I’m not alone when so much of OLD is so weird. It also helps me to know that sometimes it can work. So I wish you both the very best.

I think it's absolutely fine to not follow a rule if that's what they chose to do. It's a free world and the "rules" are not law. The point I was trying to make was that I felt uncomfortable at the time when Kin removed the rule followed by the nature of the posts which made a lot of people stop posting. Them coming back here now announcing their relationship explains a lot. Had they been more transparent about their motives and intentions it would have not felt as predatory or sleezy as it did. At the time given how much they defended the decision to remove the rule it was pretty obvious there was more to it. It's up to them of course. I'm sure they will be very happy together.

For what it's worth bant I'm a little bit in love with you. We'll never meet, have never met but I always get where you are coming from!

It's never that easy to spot who has stopped posting - mainly because they have stopped posting and even if you do notice, you rarely will know why. I stopped (and have since NC) as I felt all the 'flirty' icky sex chat was too much. It's now clear the reason for the icky stuff - and I expect the two posters who have 'fallen in love' will not be the first each of them has met from the thread.

Blimey i pop off the thread for tea and jaffa cakes (ta mum!) and it's all went a bit mental!
Just wanted to respond to the kind folk who recently posted about my recent LDR episode/breakdown.

@BendyLikeBeckham yeah you're completely right, i'd rather this happen now than 6 months/1 year down the line, when real feelings have started to form.

@NorthernFlowerHouse That's what i'm starting to learn, not too take things too personally. I need to grow a thicker skin i think. Yeah just a simple straight forward message to let the other person know what's going on is all that's needed. It's so damn frustrating knowing they've read your message but chose not to respond.

Honestly i did not want a LDR at all, but decided to take a chance as i thought he seemed a really great guy and i don't want to miss out on meeting someone special just because of the distance.

Tell you what, online dating is a crazy place!

The dating thread always left me feeling depressed which is why I stopped reading in the end.
So good to here positive stories on here and a bit of optimisim for a change.
Good luck to you bendy and kin.

After our mini-date the other night, D commented that we couldn't stop talking, it just flowed so naturally (and that's not usual for me, I have asd!) Been chatting all day today.
Must follow rule three, must follow rule three...

I've always enjoyed the dating thread, it makes me see situations as more common than I'd have thought before like ghosting etc so I don't feel like I'm going mad. I can always chat to my friends but this thread just seems to be very warm and friendly. I have this potential date this coming weekend but have heard nothing from him since last Monday so I'm anticipating radio silence or some excuse. I think I've gone off the dating bug a bit as Bumble seems to have changed and full to the brim of those I don't think I'd match with. After swiping so many times, I've just got a tad tired of it! Anyone else find this with Bumble?

I just wanted to de-flounce for a moment to say thank you for all the lovely PMs I have received. All the support and well wishes mean a lot to me.

I also wanted to add something for the record, since there have been additional comments that I can't let go unanswered as they're untrue. The "icky" sex chat on previous threads was purely just a bit of harmless risque banter which was good natured and reflected the sense of humour of some (not all) of the people on the thread. There was no ulterior motive, and it wasn't just between me and Kin! In fact, a whole group of us went off the thread and formed our own non-judgey dating support group outside of MN. I can honestly say that I have met a fantastic group of amazing women as a result and whom I now call my friends. If anyone wants to join us, then PM me. That's me offering a hand of friendship and sorority, not predating! lol

Thanks very much user149

Have a great evening, and even better dates, lovely people!

The "icky" sex chat on previous threads was purely just a bit of harmless risque banter which was good natured and reflected the sense of humour of some (not all) of the people on the thread. There was no ulterior motive, and it wasn't just between me and Kin!

Second this. I willingly participated in the harmless banter between consenting adults icky sex chat and took it for what it was, no harm intended. When it was brought to our attention that we may be too much for certain posters we moved it off the thread and I think Kin did a good job of apologising and explaining at the time, despite some the horrible accusations that were made by certain members towards him.

I've always found this a safe, supportive and helpful place and even though I'm no longer OLD I enjoy hearing people's stories and would like to think I'm still able to offer friendly support and advice to others on here, just as Kin and Bendy did for me when I first joined.

I realise it might sound like there's a group of us jumping to their defence here but as Bendy said, this forum has lead on to us meeting a fantastic group of women (and a Kin!) who I now class as great friends. It's so easy to judge from behind a screen but life is never as black and white as it may first appear and to hear some of the comments made today against 2 genuinely lovely people has quite understandably riled a few of us.

Anyway, I hope everyone can get back to what we're all here for and not be too sidetracked by the few who seem determined to see a sinister side to something which was meant as a positive.
Happy dating everyone

Thanks user, wishy, half, maggie and val, your support is much appreciated.

There's nothing much I can add to wishy's post above, save to say that Bendy and I were simply sharing a positive dating story in a thread largely occupied by not so happy tales.

That some people are disappointed by that or see something sinister behind it is their prerogative, but if just one person is motivated to carry on with OLD, or seeking what they are looking for elsewhere, then I for one will think that reading some negative words on a screen today will have been well worth it.

The "icky" sex chat on previous threads was purely just a bit of harmless risque banter which was good natured and reflected the sense of humour of some (not all) of the people on the thread.

Except those it drove away though? I used to post a lot on the dating threads and I stopped.

a whole group of us went off the thread and formed our own non-judgey dating support group outside of MN

People who don't do things your way are 'judgey'? That's pleasant.

There are plenty of other off-MN groups, you're not unique. I also started one from this thread about 18m ago.

That some people are disappointed by that or see something sinister behind it is their prerogative, but if just one person is motivated to carry on with OLD, or seeking what they are looking for elsewhere, then I for one will think that reading some negative words on a screen today will have been well worth it.

Oh, get over yourself!

I'm a long term lurker and found this thread really supportive and helpful, but now I'm off. Kin and his acolytes going off to form their own little sex banter clique whilst still commenting and looking down on us poor, vanilla saddos has put me off. And I can't help suspect the motives of a man who joins a dating thread composed almost entirely of women... Engages several in the most cringe worthy banter which led to a bit of an exodus... . Then private messages them and lo and behold ends up in a relationship with one.. Then goes on to smugly announce this without being honest all the while talking what he obviously thinks is profound nonsense about greater good. As previous poster said get over yourself and hope you're happy you've pretty much killed a long running supportive safe thread.

I get that everyone has an opinion and that’s as it should be.

What I don’t get is all the assumptions about both my motives and my actions - the vast majority of what has been written about me over the last few threads is just plain wrong!

But what really gets my back up is the continual inference that I am some sort of predator. That simply isn’t true and it’s continued utterance goes beyond self-appointed white knights having a differing opinion and into the realms of scathing personal attack. Just as well I’m not vulnerable, eh?!

But anyway, I’m sure plenty of long-time posters who I haven’t seen on the thread since the beginning of the year will continue to have their say...

Mini rant aside, I am very happy though, thanks, and I’m grateful for that as I’d hate to be someone who feels they have to pull others down because they are not. Life is too short - make yours what you want it to be.

Is that a no to this being an actual dating thread, then?!

Wtf has this thread become...do we need a mod here?

Of ffs. Talk about derailing. I used to enjoy reading this thread but this is ridiculous.

Oh no, I came on this morning to post a question about my dating situation and the thread has become pretty awful. Where can I post now!?

Keep posting on here Eeseha and we can get the thread back on track.

I'm still here but only comment occasionally as I am not looking for a relationship but am gathering men for my FB harem which is going very well

Post your question eesha. It was obviously quite an emotive response, people felt they wanted to voice their opinion and hopefully now it's done the Thread will continue as it has for the last 140!

After my no date with Mr No-Date man I started chatting yesterday morning with a match on Tinder. We were both free and so ended up meeting yesterday lunchtime for drinks. It was lovely. I didn't immediately think Wow, when I saw him but I also didn't think "No way" which is good for me. We had a really nice few hours chatting in the sun and have arranged a 2nd date for this week so let's see.... I'll call this one Mr Spain.

Going to have to get it back to what it was

Just got back from my weekend away and thought I would pop in to see how everyone is, kind of wish I hadn’t ☹️

I haven’t read all the posts, I don’t think I want too. It seems half of this thread has been taken up with people discussing what is wrong and what is right about how 2 people have acted. Yes there are rules but it’s also meant to be a bit of fun? This thread is meant to be a safe place to come and discus OLD but to be fair this is MN and a open forum which is obviously not a safe place as anyone can access it.

Anyway, I had a good weekend with friends, I did meet up with Mr VW and his friend and they were the most boring people ever, I went to see them at the other end of the festival where they were set up, I wasn’t offered a drink (whilst they got themselves one), the chat was boring and dull so I made my excuses and left, I went back to my camp and sat around a fire pit by myself until my friends returned from the bar. It was nice to spend some time away from my dc’s and kind of away from OLD. This morning I am suffering with post festival head aches.

I haven’t heard from Mr Kayak for over 24 hours, I can’t be bothered to message him, I have a couple other irons who I can hopefully meet this week or next week.

Glad you had a good weekend @lovemusic33. Your approach to dating is how I intended to be. I’ve been chatting to a few irons got a date set up with one. But all this messaging has made me realise I actually don’t mind being alone, sometimes I just really cba with the “what you watching” “what time do you finish work?” “How was work?” Arrrghh or am I just a miserable cow .