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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Added myself to dh and ow fb chat - part 2

505 replies

MissMarpleMyArse · 23/09/2018 20:37

My first thread received so much support that I've been advised to make another one due to the number of messages. I knew my dh was up to no good, added myself to their Facebook chat and blew it all up.....

OP posts:
flowerpot1000000 · 25/09/2018 19:44

Let us all know how you are OP. Im sure you must be going through some mixed emotions tonight. Even though youve found out the truth, it must be very painful for you. You cant just switch off. We are all here for you

TomHardysNextWife · 25/09/2018 19:48

This must have been such a punch to the stomach for you. Be kind to yourself, lovely, don't underestimate the physical effects that this will have on you Flowers.

Moffa · 25/09/2018 19:57

Can your mum come over? Flowers

Bedraggledmumoftwo · 25/09/2018 20:05

The smug look in his face when I handed it back and he said found anything?

My cheating liar one year on (and I thought remorseful but as it turns out... resourceful) has been voluntarily sharing his passwords, handing over his phone, even made me a cloned iPad which would do and receive everything he did ... I said well you could have another burner phone or a KIk account or whatever (I have spent too long on MN) but he was doing everything he could to prove his trustworthiness and openness. I kept likening it to magician waving brightly coloured cloths with one hand so you don't look at the other.... Two months later when I finally got confirmation that he was not only still seeing and sleeping with OW that he swore he wasn't but was lying to her in a full on love affair where she thought they were going to start trying for children. And he conducted this all through his normal accounts! It really was the magician act I said it was. He has clarified now that he would delete everything as soon as it arrived, and he gets notifications on his watch so would be pdq. And would have bursts of conversation when he knew I was otherwise engaged, then would turn to airplane mode once he couldn't be there to monitor, knowing I would think he was underground or asleep! Must have been some adrenaline trip.

Anyway, what I wanted to say is that you should keep your cards close to your chest. Because if there was a chance that you tried again then he would know all the tricks, and if he doesn't know about Google timeline then for god's sake dont tell him.

Mine just absorbed everything I used to gather information last year and claimed to have changed, but actually he used that info to turn off back ups, uninstall reinstall and delete frequently so that even sophisticated spying programmes that he gave me permission to use (to prove his innocence Halo ) didn't bring back anything.

I now feel like I have lost my mind having spent so long trying to prove something that he was such an expert at hiding. So gather your evidence, but don't show it. Just say you.know he was at the premier inn on given dates and times. You could have got that information a number of ways!

ohdeardeardear · 25/09/2018 20:25

OP - you are inspirational. He doesn't deserve you. Please tell her husband. He deserves to know. What a pair of cunts.

backinaminute · 25/09/2018 20:27

I know it's been said no end of times, but OP, you really are amazing. Keep going x

magoria · 25/09/2018 20:50

What an arsehole, and a moronically stupid one at that!

Sorry that you now need a trip to the STI clinic.

hiddeneverything · 25/09/2018 20:50

Aw, op, hope you're ok xx

PlinkPlink · 25/09/2018 21:00

It just gets fucking worse. God OP. I would be going batshit. I don't know how you're staying so calm...

You're so fucking strong!!!

Well, at least you know now. You know for definite... you can never trust him, you can never ever go back to that disgusting man.

I felt sick for you reading this update. I remember all too well that feeling... that horrible sick to your stomach, gut wrenching feeling.

Best revenge: kick the fucker to the kerb (not literally... tempting though), get your strong, independent woman pants on and flaunt your fabulous self. It'll make him regret his betrayal even more.

P.s. I second the revenge body. Totally great feeling when you leave them with their jaw on the floor 😂

Santaclarita · 25/09/2018 21:12

He is such a twat and that ow skank deserves what's coming to her as well. He's lost his family, she will hopefully lose hers too. Then they can have each other since no one else wants them. It won't work either.

You are so brave and strong. Well done through all of this. Please never take him back.

ohfourfoxache · 25/09/2018 21:56

I’m so Angry for you MMMA Angry

Keep your evidence safe. You’ve got it now, sleep on it and decide tomorrow (or whenever you want) what you want to do with it. You hold all the cards and that scummy fuckwit hasn’t got a clue

richdeniro · 25/09/2018 22:38

How are you holding up op? Did you message the other guys husband in the end?

Also just wondering if you have mentioned any of this to any of your friends? I presume that having been acquaintances/FB friends with the ow that you have mutual friends? I would make them aware of her behaviour because thinking about my ex she used to be very flirty on messages with her friends husbands and I wouldn't put it past this woman having had flings with your friends husbands if this is how she gets her thrills.

I know it's very easily done these days with Whatsapp and FB messenger. You get added to a group of mums and dads or something along those lines, you don't even have to ask for a number as it's likely already part of a group and only takes a second to message that number/person privately before the flirting can begin and lead to other things. I now think that this is the type of thing my ex did and how she had so many other guys messaging her on whatsapp and facebook. She loved the attention and was always very flirty when it came to messaging.

Quantumblue · 25/09/2018 23:07

At least you know the worst now. Hope it will be all upwards from here for you now.

bluetrampolines · 25/09/2018 23:22

I was wondering how you were getting on. It will become easier. So slowly though. Be kind to yourself.

HerRoyalFattyness · 25/09/2018 23:33

Wow. He gets worse and i didn't think it was possible.

You have proof that he is still willing to call you crazy for his own selfish desires.

alphajuliet123 · 25/09/2018 23:54

Why would he take you and the kids somewhere where he had been with OW just a week before? Very strange and risky that a staff member would recognise him. Unless she works there.

(sorry, not sure if you know her as I can't find the previous thread, could someone link it please?)

notapizzaeater · 26/09/2018 00:10

What a dick - and to take you there as well - what a thrill he must have been getting

richdeniro · 26/09/2018 00:15

@alphajuliet123 He probably hadn't even planned where he was going to take her at that point and may have been so desperate to have sex with her that anywhere would have done.... and sorry for saying this MissMarple, he may have seen the Premier Inn from the Beefeater and thought to himself that will do and even messaged her whilst out with his family. It sounds like he is that sort of dick he is.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 26/09/2018 00:18

Hope you're sleeping better than I am, Marple.

alphajuliet123 · 26/09/2018 01:10

But Rich, he stayed overnight at the Premier Inn BEFORE the family visits

*just realised it wasnt a week before, it was 2 months before

justilou1 · 26/09/2018 01:54

He is an arse, and he is stupid. Two thoroughly unforgivable traits. I’ll bet he is smug and boring too.
OP is moving on up in the wold pretty damn fast!!!
You are worthy of so much more!!!

bigchris · 26/09/2018 07:08

How did you find that op? Does he have find my phone and you search for a certain location?

EinsteinsArousedSausagesHCB · 26/09/2018 07:49

@bigchris I'm guessing that OP has checked his timeline in Google maps.

OP Flowers

strawberrisc · 26/09/2018 07:53

OP From now on I’d honestly keep ALL discoveries to yourself but store and file them for the divorce. Don’t show him your cards.

ThanosSavedMe · 26/09/2018 08:06

What a twat

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