Added myself to dh and ow fb chat - part 2

[MissMarpleMyArse]

My first thread received so much support that I've been advised to make another one due to the number of messages. I knew my dh was up to no good, added myself to their Facebook chat and blew it all up.....

Hi sorry for the lack of response last night. I deleted the mumsnet app in case he looked at my phone (getting paranoid now!), and then when I went into the app store to reinstall it, it wouldn't search for anything. I'm on the laptop at work so have to be quick. I haven't sent the message to the husband yet. I typed it but couldn't find the balls to hit send. I know I have to though so I wil do it this afternoon when I finish work.

Do it when you're ready. I know it must be really difficult for yoy, but you've got pretty much the whoke of mumsnet behind you.

Just change your passwords on phone and laptop.

Watch some YouTube of ‘grey rock technique’.

Book a weekend away with the kids or friends or half term. Somewhere relaxing. Maybe by the sea.

Go to the hairdressers, buy some clothes this weekend.

See if you can find a project for the evenings, anything that keeps you occupied. Puzzles / games online / knitting! I don’t know, but the evenings are hard. Online forums like Mums Net!

See a solicitor.

See a counselor.

If you can exercise, walks, runs, swimming. Join a club.

I know the above is all a bit cliched but it really does help to stop you sinking into an abyss.

You don't have to tell her H anything.

I think it is the right thing to do however you need to put yourself first.

You are so strong and such a nice person. He is a twat and has lost so much.

What a fucking arsehole he is.

And to think, he was trying to guilt you, stating that "it was a fantasy, you have made it a reality" -yet another massive fucking lie.

I don't know how you held it together when he was being all smug faced about his phone being clean.

I agree with a pp, don't tell STBXH how you know about Premier Inn. Don't tell slags husband either. Just tell him that you now have evidence that they were at premier inn on X date, and let him do what he wants with that information.

It must have hurt like hell to get that proof, but at least now you know.

You could say to OW H that you have evidence that your H stayed overnight at x premier inn on x date and also had a meal at x. This doesn’t mean conclusively that is was with his wife as you’ve no Idea how many OW your H May have and he may just have had a massive appetite that night judging by the size of the bill for the meal!

Just a thought when you screen shot the premier inn map thing did you delete the screenshot from the screen shots bit, then delete it from deleted because he may know your on to him xx

Hi I know the thread has moved on now. However....

I have heard about the location settings on the iPhone so I decided to take a look at mine last night.

I wanted to reply on here but my DD woke.

According to my settings every morning and afternoon when I take / collect the kids from school I am at 4 different homes over a 2 hour period. Each day the addresses are the same. I've never been in these houses or parked outside etc. Simply walked past them for only 2/3 seconds at a time. Very bizarre.

This is not true to the OP's case as she has other proof I'm just saying that if you're going to check your DH phone don't jump to conclusions x

I have my mumsnet app back now thank god. Was lost without it
@Bedraggledmumoftwo shit that is the most devious thing I have ever read. Please don't ever forgive that.

Thanks everyone for your continued support. The messages help me so much. I was reading them on the internet last night even though I couldn't reply.
I did clear all evidence of me being on his phone. I was intending to take a photo on my phone but left it on the dining table (which would have meant walking back past him to get it ) I cleared it out of the photos and his sent emails and swiped the apps away. I don't think he would know.
For those asking you can find this info on an iPhone. Settings> privacy >location services> scroll down to system services> then down to significant locations (might require a thumbprint at this point if the phone is locked) then click on the town you and it gives you all the info. As a Pp said, it can sometimes be a bit off, but at least I know from our 2 visits that this one was accurate. Wanker.

I've gone back into my composed message. I've included @Bambamrubblesmum script, the screenshot and details of how to find it on her phone if he so wishes. I just can't seem to find the guts to send the bloody thing. The poor man.

Fuck it I've sent it. Oh god I hope this is the right thing to do.

It sounds like he'd rather know the full truth, based on his apparent 'condition' allowing OW to stay and make it work. His condition was that nothing physical happened; it did; he deserves to know the full truth.3

It was the right thing to do.

He deserves to have the information, what he chooses to do with it is up to him.

Why should she be able to not have to deal with the consequences. I don't blame you for sending that.

Thank you. My stomach is in knots. It's got the little blue dot with a tick so it's been delivered. I keep looking every 5 seconds to see if he's read it.

One million percent, you have done the right thing, sending her husband that message.

She deserves NO consideration from you, whatsoever. What respect and consideration, did she afford to you, when she was sexting your husband? Absolutely none. Sorry, but in my opinion, she came in and shat all over your territory, and you are well within your rights to come out all guns blazing. She's lucky you are so restrained. There are a lot of, ahem, rough women in this world, who would have tracked her down and beaten her up.

My one concern....is her husband definitely getting the messages? Could she be intercepting and deleting them? Depends on how far you want to take it, but it might be worth considering talking to him face to face. Even if just to ask him "Did you get my messages?" If he says Yes, fine you can walk away, on the other hand if he says No, you can enlighten him on the spot.

OP in his shoes I’d much rather I knew the full details. My ex cheated on me and can’t nvinced me it was only an emotional affair. I then spend the next 3 years trying to rebuild our marrige with him on the facts I thought to be true, the facts he’d told me about. I found out later that it had actually been a physical affair, I felt such a fool. Not only has he cheated on me, but he’s continued to lie for a further 3 years and took away my ability to make a decision on the true facts.

Plus, she's VERY lucky you haven't been beating on her door, and having a show down on the door step....telling her husband in front of all and sundry what she's done....honestly, don't for one tiny moment regret sending that message....you've been far more dignified than MANY would be.

Blue dog - I think that's my main motivation. To give him the choice. If he chooses to forgive her then at least he's done it with all the facts.

Husky - I hadn't thought of that. Hopefully she's not intercepting them. Although she did message my h saying he might forgive her, so think he got the first one. I guess she could be anticipating more.

And I would love to punch her right in the face, but I won't (I think)

Now that youve sent that, you need to leave him alone.

Even though you didn't cause this, you told him about it so a little part of him will be shooting the messenger and blaming you for it. He hasn't replied to you at all or said anything, so he clearly does not want to talk to you. You've given him all the info and unless he contacts you, you need to leave him alone.

He can do what he likes in his marriage, and if he wants to save it that's up to him. You can't keep telling him stuff because you want her punished. It's his life too and he doesn't want to speak to you. Concentrate on sorting your stuff out now, not his.

You've got guts. Good for you. As you've said, it's up to him decide now. You've given him all the information you have, time to focus on you now.

Onwards and upwards (even if it doesn't feel like it yet). Look back at these messages in 6 months: I bet you will be flying by then.

OP I also do feel you did the right thing, like you say he has all the facts now so the decision is left with him now. Let us know if you receive a reply or 2 blue ticks. Keep strong and when you wobble, come on here and we will unwobble you...

Thanks flowerpot and greenfingers - that's what i wanted to do, give him the information. So many people on here have said they'd wish someone had told them the truth
Fifty shades - I think that's a bit harsh. I have thought long and hard about this. If I just wanted to get back at her then believe me I have thought of 101 more humiliating ways of punishing her.

He's read it.

@MissMarpleMyArse

I said "now that you've sent that" not "you shouldn't have sent that".

He needed to know. But now that you've done it, it's time to leave him to it. Unless he contacts you, you should leave him to make his own decisions. It's always tempting to contact them to ask how they are and if they are coping. I'm just saying you shouldn't unless he shows signs that he wants to talk.

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