Added myself to dh and ow fb chat - part 2

[MissMarpleMyArse]

My first thread received so much support that I've been advised to make another one due to the number of messages. I knew my dh was up to no good, added myself to their Facebook chat and blew it all up.....

I would say you need to tell the ow's husband too.

This type of woman has likely had many sexual affairs behind his back, probably with other friends husbands, and he needs to know.

I can't believe he's had sex and god knows what else with her. And me since. I feel sick. I'm going to have to get tested aren't I?

I definitely would , safety first always 💛 , again I’m really sorry I’ve been through it , it’s sucks but you will get to the other side , honestly you will xx

I'm really sorry to say that yes you will, another reason you need to kick him to the curb, putting you through that is absolutely horrendous.

Thanks fuckit. This thread has saved what is left of my sanity!

I have to ask, and it's because of some of the wording you used in your first thread, about the ow. Her first name doesn't begin with S does it?

You are doing so well op

Rich - I read you had to get one too. It's not fair is it, they put it about and we have to suffer the shamed of getting tested for diseases. I'll look up clinics or whatever they are this afternoon.

Miss marple you are doing amazing!! Men like this don’t admit a thing, I don’t think he ever will. My H moves out Sunday finally, he sent videos and pics of himself wanking to another woman but that wasn’t cheating because it wasn’t intercourse on his view and maybe if I had paid him more attention he wouldn’t look for it else where!!!

Everyday I make a new discovery about what an absolute dick he is, doesn’t stop me 9 weeks on still loving him and wanting him back, the only thing keeping me going is my children and that in all of this he never considered the pain he would cause them.

Keep strong miss marple your H sounds like he will try and grind you down, he is in denial about his own behaviour and one day soon you will wake up and this won’t hurt as much as it did the day before, it does not matter that you don’t always wear the best clothes or bother with your hair, that did not stop how you felt, one day soon men like him will wake up alone and realise not everyone else is to blame x

Cheers Alfie.
Rich - if your ex and my husband have been having it away that would be the worlds biggest coincidence! It does begin with S. surname is S too. Hope that rules her out.

Leaving and walking away is a short term pain. Staying can be long term.

If yoy get through this pain you will never ever look back. Stay strong.

Sadly yes you must get a test done, but so does the OW’s DH so he really needs to know.

Even though he hasn’t responded, he’s obviously taken on board what you have said so I would let him know. What he then chooses to do with the information is up to him.

I wouldn’t tell your H that you will be telling him otherwise they will just go into cover up mode and the poor guy will kept in the dark/gaslighted again.

I wouldn’t bother checking his phone, I would message the OWs husband and say:

“I appreciate that this is a horrible time for you as it is for me but I feel it is my responsibility to share what I know so you can make informed choices rather than be lied to. I have found out that your wife and my H are colluding to ensure you believe that the relationship was not physical, I have reason to believe this is not the case. I would check where she was on X date as I believe they may have spent the night together at a hotel in XXX. As you can appreciate this has caused me not only emotional trauma but I will also be getting myself tested at the earliest opportunity to check whether my health has been compromised. If you want to talk then please get in touch but I understand if you chose not to.’

Ellamorgan - that's just grim. Thanks for the advice and stay strong x

Omg OP how awful but now you knoelw, he had the opportunity to come clean but he just minimalised it all. How vile of him. If Rich IS the OW's husband how bizarre!!!

Bam - I may just copy and paste that too him. I will check the phone if I can. Just so my h can't pull the 'I booked it for a friend' line.

Lol yes it rules her out.

I did think it would be too much of a coincidence as my ex told me she was going through a divorce although was still living with her ex-husband. I obviously question everything she told me now though.

Keep being strong though @MissMarpleMyArse You really aren't to blame for any of this. You will get through it and in a few weeks you will start to feel better - I know it doesn't seem this way now but it will.

I’m gutted for you MMMA you’re right, he should at least have a shred of humanity in him and at least be honest, you deserve that (although you deserve not to have had this done to you more!)

The problem with liars is that they lie to themselves, it’s how they sleep at night and justify their awful actions.

I second everyone who has said this isn’t about how you look, it shouldn’t matter one way or another and arseholes will always be arseholes.

@Bam is spot on with the message to the husband. It's interesting that OW blocked you on FB but the Husband didn't. He's left a dialogue open. I suspect he's done this just incase you do get more info.

Hopefully he'll piece together her whereabouts that night. Make sure you get screenshots of the transactions and the dates/messages he sent that night.

I'd definitely wait until OW's Husband has seen the message before confronting STBXH. If he balmes a friend ask which friend and proceed to contact the friend there and then and ask if he paid 'D'H back for the hotel. I highly doubt the deceitful bastard will let you get that far which will give you your answer.

Also, dont you dare blame yourself. You're perfect.

Don’t tell the ow’s husband until you’ve had chance to confront your shit bag as the ow may warn your husband ! I’d do it at the same time tbh

Agree with Fuckit. Get your timings right.
So sorry you and your girls are going through this. He's a shit and knows what he's lost. He deserves every moment of misery and guilt.

Agree that Bam's message is perfect. Her dh needs to know the truth in order to make choices for his own life. And she shouldn't be allowed to lie to him again.

After you've confronted your husband (although I'm not sure he's going to let you look at his phone now), then message the husband and ask where his wife was on that night, then give proof of hotel?
Could say to your husband that for your own sanity you just want to see he's not texting her still but instead of WhatsApp just go straight to the maps thing.
What a pair of cunts. A cheap, dirty, pathetic pair of cunts.

Sorry, cross post. @Bambamrubblesmum's message is perfect.
Maybe tell him how he can check the maps thing if she has same phone as you? He can then get all the proof he needs before he even confronts her. Poor bloke, he really doesn't deserve not to know though x

OP, I'm 8 years down the line from finding out. You never quite get the trust back, and everything you every thought and knew about him is all false and sick and wrong, and if you start again it's like starting all over again with a strange man you don't know but worse, because at least with a new date you have the hope of trust but with this new strange man you don't even have the illusion of that. I still have nightmares sometimes and wake up crying from dreaming about him banging someone else. Tiny things sometimes sudden give me flash backs to finding out. I have months and years of lies that have wiped out who swathes of false memories from those times. Like you, he would message me just to "check I got there ok" etc, when in reality it was check to make sure I wasn't going to come home anytime soon and find him with his dick in someone else. Can't wait male female porn because it's just triggers horrible memories of what he was doing. Had to go get STI checks.

Don't be me.

*can't watch