Added myself to dh and ow fb chat - part 2

[MissMarpleMyArse]

My first thread received so much support that I've been advised to make another one due to the number of messages. I knew my dh was up to no good, added myself to their Facebook chat and blew it all up.....

Divorce lawyer here.
You are right to draw a line now with OWH and OW. I wouldn't bother saying anything to H either.
You could name her in a petition but it just adds costs and she may deny it. You can still divorce him on adultery without naming her.
The advice I've always given friends, and for which many have been grateful over the years, is to act with total dignity. You want to look back and be proud of how you handled things. The last thing you want is to wish you'd done things differently. There's enough other stuff to concentrate on and deal with, don't add regrets.
Strength to you.

He may find out from her anyway if her H tells her he knows, which is likely given his reason for giving her a chance is based on them not being physical. I think you have given him the truth and that’s what the location screenshots were good for along with nailing the coffin for you.

Whether you H comes at you or not with it is neither here nor there. It’s his problem. He did it.

From here on out you just focus on you and your dc as much as possible. If you can in anyway look at things objectively as if it’s not you that may help but super hard to do. And just tlc yourself to get well.

I wouldn't say a thing, he'l find out and feel the absolute Cunt he should be feeling , let him stew in is own juices now ... just go through the solicitor. Keep strong , look after you and them girls , much love x

Personally I would let him find out when he sees you have begun divorce proceedings

Remember he was a vile nasty aggressive beast before when ‘cornered’. I would expect him to slash out again when he finds out. Be ready for it.

As you said. At least you know it was more than a fantasy now. Sending strength to you

Keep your cards to your chest. You will know when he knows.

Get a lawyer you like & trust.

Stay strong, you’ve acted with strength & dignity, keep going.

I suspect the OW DH is probably going to do the same thing. Get legal advice before he makes his position known.

He has already shown you that he plays dirty by blaming you BEFORE you knew he was cheating. (Making you feel like you were going crazy, etc....) Don’t tell him a thing and lawyer up ASAP.

Make sure you get yourself tested @MissMarple now that it has been confirmed.

I know you don’t want to hear this but I doubt very much that they would have used any protection for this kind of affair and you need to take care of your health.

I am so sorry to read the developments on this post, but have to say that you are acting with such dignity and restraint!

All the best for the journey ahead.

Wow miss marple, you’ve been through so much and have been through so strong.

You did the right thing with regards to the OWH. I had a post on here a week or so ago asking advice as the wife of a man I had a relationship with had contacted me basically asking who I what had happened with her husband. I hadn’t known he was married. I replied and she called me we ended up talking for a while on the phone and at the end of the call she said that as much as it hurt it helped her to know the truth as he had gaslighted her for years, made her believe she was crazy etc. Everything I told her added up with his behaviour at the time and knowing the truth after year of his lies helped. It was a hard conversation, I felt awful and we both cried. I don’t know whether she plans to take him back or what but I hope the truth helps her whatever she decides to do. Her husband is a cheating lying shit but it’s up to her what she does and at least she knows now.

You’re doing so well, hope you feel better soon

Don't give him anything he can use.

Information is power.

Don't give him anything that gives him time to manipulate or formulate his own plans or story.

Contact about the children or anything relevant to bills etc but everything else is yours to either share when it's relevant i.e. Divorce papers or to keep for you as internal fuel not for revenge but to keep yourself strong when you feel like it would be easier just to take him back.

No, don't say any more. Just go about the necessary business. He'll find out in due course what you know.

PP above (the divorce lawyer) is absolutely right. Now your main duty is to be dignified, in words and deeds. To do otherwise will hurt your self-esteem in the end AND give your STBX 'ammo' to justify his actions to himself and turn him into a vindictive prick.

Just remember "Steady as she goes and keep a firm hand on the wheel" and you'll come to safe harbour with all flags flying!

god he just keeps giving doesn't he, the dickbag 🤬
he doesn't deserve you op and he never did

Don;t say a thing. Send evidence to solitor along with reason for divorce (adultery). And name her. THey'll both get filed the papers. He can find out then that you know, and you still won't have had to talk to the fucker.

Pleased you are feeling better @MissMarple. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of bringing it up, instead I would make him sweat as if OWH knows and tells OW then she may tell your H that you know about it, I would love to see how he brings that up in conversation with you!!!

I’m pleased that at least you now know the truth and can move forward with all the facts for you and the DC’s. Make a solicitors appointment and give them all the evidence, see what comes of it, keep us all updated, I think you are amazing and doing so well x

Aye. I agree with PP. Keep your powder keg dry lass. Keep your dignity, plus you may need it as ammo at some point.

Hope you're feeling mich improved today.

Just caught up - what a horrible few weeks you've had but it's good you know for sure so you don't worry you're chucking something away that could be good - he's an arsehole of the worst kind - lying cheating shitbag!
I do hope OWH throws her to the kerb too
Bloody flu too - poor thing 😖

I feel if you let him know now, you show your hand. It's possible that OWH will tell his wife what he knows. She will probably tell your husband and if you stay silent, it's going to fuck with his head whether you know or not. And it's not like he's going to ask you because a) he's confirming that he's still colluding with OW to keep their stories the same and b) he's been caught out so he's NOT going to open up that conversation with you.

So what I would do is leave him with that head fuck. He did it to you for months with his carry on so now it's your turn to enjoy knowing he's off balance and freaking out as to what you might know.

You don't have to have any reason to divorce - other than you no longer want to be married to him. And you have that. You don't NEED to involve her in the details of what's going to be a painful process for you. Don't let her into even the legal bit of your marriage. Don't give her that power. She's nothing to you.

I would proceed using unreasonable behaviour. Citing his relationship with OW can be one of the reasons but it does not give her an input into your divorce.

How are you OP

Oh wow,
Just read your story from the first thread. Well done for being brave. I’m sure its getting tough now but hang on in there. Hope your children are doing okay too. Xx

Also checking in, how are you op?

Bump

@flumpybear why in earth would you bump this?

I'm sure OP is WELL aware of this thread and may or may not come back to it. Afterall she has been ill and tbf, it would be entirely understandable given the circumstances, to just not come back

Checking to see how the weekend went... I imagine weekends are a bit different for you and the girls now the new reality is setting in. Strength to you all. X