Added myself to dh and ow fb chat - part 2

[MissMarpleMyArse]

My first thread received so much support that I've been advised to make another one due to the number of messages. I knew my dh was up to no good, added myself to their Facebook chat and blew it all up.....

Thanks everyone. I still feel totally wiped out but I'm definitely over the worst of it. It will come as no surprise when I tell you OWH sent a message at 1.45 this morning. It was a screenshot of the hotel location and he had just written 'snap'
I hope that shag was worth it.

So sorry @MissMarpleMyArse. It really sucks for you both.

Glad you both know the truth though now and can deal with that rather than ifs and maybes

Well you absolutely did the right thing in telling him. He could have gone on for years being deceived and living a lie whilst she probably went on to do the same thing over and over. He can now take control of his life and future.

Glad you feeling a bit better

Oh Marple I’m so sorry, for you and OWH. He will know know that he can’t trust anything she’s said and he won’t be living a lie, it’s better that you’ve both found out and their lies are out in the open - the pair of them are disgusting!

ow is going to now understand a grenade going off in life, she deserves it. So glad owh listened to you, I bet he is too. Thinking of you op

The truth outs. Pair of arseholes.
to you OP.

Argh! So sorry! At least you know there’s no way the weasel can talk his way out of that one!!!

So sorry this has happened

Twats, the pair of them.

What a pair of cunts I hope he divorces her now

Well at least now he has the chance to make an informed decision. If he stays, that's up to him but you've done what's right for you and you should be very proud of how you've handled all of this.

My mum got arrested when she went to Dad's new GFs home after they'd split .... she was going to ask him for money apparently, but seeing a family heirloom of an antique bowl and jug that Dad had taken from our house to put in the GFs window took Mum over the edge and she tried to smash said jug and bowl over the GFs head. We giggled for years afterwards when she said it was a piece of china that sent her mad................ .

No surprise. I hope youre bearing up ok x

I'm so sorry OP, although perhaps in a way this will make it easier to move on, and will take away any lingering doubts about whether it was all really just a stupid mistake/fantasy that would never have materialised into anything.

And it just shows you what a selfish, dishonest piece of work he is, trying to push the blame onto you by telling you that "it was just a fantasy, and you made it real", all the while he knew he had been having sex with her.

You don't deserve any of this OP

Focus on you and your kids now OP, he WILL try to wangle his way back, plus turn on the emotions, try not to wobble. Have a restful weekend

At least you have confirmation it was already 'real'. He did that. Not you. And his own phone ratted him out. And you were clever enough to find it.

That will wipe the smug look off his face.

@TomHardysNextWife that made me laugh. Good on your mum!
Yes he did do this to himself, and there's no way on earth I will take him back.
You are all right that at least myself and OWH have the truth now. Sounds weird but I felt relief when he sent that message. I was starting think that maybe there were multiple ow. I just sent a message back to wish him luck with whatever he decides to do. I feel I have drawn a line under that one now. Although my heart goes out to him I am pleased that she will have to face the responsibility of her actions, and like pp have said, even if he doesn't leave her she has broken the trust.
I don't know if either of them will tell my h that we know about the hotel. I haven't said anything to him as I was keeping quiet so he didn't tip ow off before her h could look at the phone. The minimal contact thing is working well for me, I can't even be bothered to tell him that I know. Maybe that's because I'm ill. I am tempted to just send him an email and attach the shots of his credit card bill and both their locations, and tell him I will be filing for a divorce due to his adultery. What do you think? Or is it better for me to say nothing and just see a solicitor when I am better?

I'm so sorry to hear this but at the same happy for you as he made you feel like you were going mad for so long. Now you know your gut was right.

Leave them be now I guess. They have their own shit to sort out now.

Now you can focus on your relationship. You now have the strength to stick to your guns. You now have evidence for a divorce. Keep it.

Above all, get yourself better and look after those girls. This is such a shit time but you, your mum and your girls will come together as a family. You have so much strength OP AND we're all supporting you

Oops cross post...

Hmm... I'm personally not sure about sending an email with attachments.

If I was in your position, I would wait until I saw him and ask how the hotel room was. And watch his face fall.
But that's me personally, I don't advocate doing that 😂

I would wait and see if he says anything...

I'd wait till you had a chance to see a solicitor and are feeling healthier. Also helps for you to move forward and process everything.

I wouldn’t bother telling him yet. Get a solicitor booked when you are feeling better then when they send out the divorce papers you can name her and cite the time/location!

How are your daughters doing? What does your mum think of it all?

@MissMarpleMyArse

Do what Bambam said ^^^

Don't engage with him. Don't put yourself through any more hurt and upset by listening to his excuses and explanation. Just get into see a solicitor next week and get him served with the papers. Let your solicitor cite that tryst as your reason. It will show him you really are done; you're so over it that you've not even confronted him. That sends a message.

Unfortunately receipts and the bill for the hotel don't prove they shagged so may not be use able for adultery. If he refuses to sign it the the divorce can start to cost more which is better spent on you and DC than in a solicitor's pockets

If you name her it gives her power in your divorce as she gets papers etc.

She is nothing to you. Don't give her power she doesn't own.

Best way is unreasonable behaviour which you have plenty of and doesn't have to be proved as much.

On one hand it being 'real' is shit, on the other, as you say, at least it's not multiple OW.

Hi op

If you want an opinion

I wouldn't tell him anything anymore, it's creating unnecessary drama for yourself
Your already ill bless you, I say see a solicitor divorcing for adultery is really hard now I hear.

When your better get ducks in a row, dont argue with him, you have no more points to prove to him or anyone else.

He's going to get nasty if he starts getting shit from the other woman, this is all your fault now from his point of view, you have your karma on both of them.

Draw a line under it, and start the practical stuff of separating 💐