Thank you, Gloomy and Ivgotasecretcanyoukeepit (PLL reference?)
I can understand why babycow and other wives forgive their husbands their affairs. Long history, shared experience, joint mortgage and finannces, children together, family concept and perceived drop in 'position', wider friendship group and judgement... all of those points would have a bearing.
Love might also come into it but I don't think so, certainly not at the forefront. When somebody cheats, you can't love them in the same way that you did. I don't believe anybody who tells me otherwise because if it's such a wretched thing to do, to forsake your vows, then how can you ever get back to where you were before it happened?
For babycow and I guess for Robin, and any other poster who wants to vent their spleen at OW I will tell you that the experience is one that I will never repeat. It changed me, made me more tolerant of some things and less tolerant of others - but I don't see life in black and white and I believe to do so is a folly.
Having an affair was an insane thing to do and I regret it. I can see how easily it is to fall into having one and, if you don't understand what that 'falling in' is like then you'll have to take my word for it that this was what it was like for me. I was in his thrall. He was older (56) and in a position of power. I was 24. Old enough to know better but not wise enough to realise that or the implications. I never thought about his wife or his children, I was indifferent thinking that this was 'none of my business'. I thought I loved him and I still think that I did. I couldn't tell you how he felt as it wasn't something we discussed much.
Believe me when I tell you that it would be a rare OW indeed who comes out from an affair unscathed. I certainly didn't. I've said this before on another thread and it still sounds fanciful but I can't think of another way to describe it; it left a stain on my soul and I can't scrub that away. I can't put any of this right.
I can though post on threads where OW are and offer to talk them through getting out of the affair. And I do. I have talked to dozens of OW here, privately. At no point will I join in with a wish to 'keep the magic alive' at weekends and holiday periods, but I can empathise and understand, because I do.
This site could have and be a unique platform (away from relationships board) to talk about the realities of an affair, being in one, without glorifying it but laying it bare, warts and all - and the script. It's not the same script that is touted here and it is more like a 'play - with different endings - unfolding'.
I truly understand the irony here when I say that there are similarities with rats... you don't know how close you are to one. There are more OW out there (pending, existing and long-term) than anybody has any idea about. It's not going away and slinging insults won't achieve that.
Robin, you said in your post that I wear being an OW like a badge of 'pride'. Nothing could be further from the truth. I acknowledge that I did that, that it was a despicable thing to do.