Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Abusive parents- I phoned the police. Now what?

941 replies

Littlemissdemeanour · 16/09/2018 08:07

Long time poster.

I’m very confused about what happened last night, what to do; and I’m writing it all down as to not minimise it, and hopefully get some help - I’ve no one to share this with.

I was visiting parents (another town), and an argument ensued about a family matter. Yes, drink had been consumed, but not, in my opinion, to excess.

My mother who is prone to outbursts, shall we say, shouted, swore at me, threw a glass of wine over me and pushed me very aggressively and slapped me- my earring fell out. She proceeded to tear my now red wine stained jumper in three places. I was terrified.

I tried to pack my stuff and leave and my father and mother prevented me; pushing me up against the wall, hissing in my face. This went on for quite some time and I was screaming for help to neighbours.

My mother, who works for mental health services, proceeds to make a call in the hallway ‘to get me sectioned’. Everything is always my fault. I’m terrified, shaking, a wreck and genuinely think that I’m going to be sectioned. I’m also being held and can’t leave what I’m increasingly feeling is becoming a dangerous situation.

I phoned 999, the police. A very low moment - who wants to do that to their own parents?

They continue to hound me, hiss at me, push me (I’m very bruised today). Around 20 min later police arrive. I must say they were super, and did say I should pursue a complaint (my parents admitted their actions in full justifying it as ‘it was for my own good, safety’ - the police woman utterly refuted this). I was advised there was a clear case for abduction by not letting me leave on my own will, and abuse.

I tell the police I just want to leave and catch a train. So I’m driven to the train station in the police car, and travel home 2 hours alone, a wreck.

Today, I don’t know what to do. My parents are abusive. I’ve many bruises and frankly, my jumper is horrifying to look at, I can’t minimise what they’ve done. No argument that’s verbal ever justifies this. I don’t know what I should do. I feel it’s already gone too far (but I didn’t know what else I could have managed other than phone police?)

We have a large family holiday planned later in the year, which if I’m honest I’ve always been hesitant about as they’ve become increasingly unhinged (threads on their behaviour span years on here).

Please help me make sense of what happened, I suppose I’m looking to understand what I should do next/ confirmation I did do the right thing. Now I’m here alone it’s hit me that even though they undertook the action, I’m the one (by phoning police) that’s severed any chance of moving on?

OP posts:
SeaEagleFeather · 11/10/2018 17:57

(one proviso - very very occasionally leopards do change their spots. but not with your parents, I think)

chickenloverwoman · 11/10/2018 19:22

Just in case you don't know how I think , from my posts, I would have felt threatened by those messages and their actions in coming to your flat; I believe you and I admire your dignity and how you are handling all this.
My father messed me up for my first 20 years, tried to mess me up for the next 15. I went NC at that point after years of LC, and he finally died 5 years later. I'm now nearly 60, and I wish I'd gone NC when he first threw me out ( for no good reason!) aged 17. Would have saved me 23 more years of shit from him and a load of councelling and sadness. Don't be like me.

Littlemissdemeanour · 11/10/2018 19:53

Thank you everyone. I'm reading it all and taking it in. It still is - and always will be- so hard for me to digest.

To those who have posted their own stories of love, hurt, NC- I'm truly sorry each and everyone of you has taken that journey. I'm trying to see a silver lining, and think there are so, so many strong men and women going through this, and out the other side.

Not entirely sure where I'm going with my post; I guess I'm just struggling. I keep seeing families out and about and happy and giggling. Cuts deep, truly does .

OP posts:
chickenloverwoman · 11/10/2018 20:03

Huge hugs xxx
And Flowers

chickenloverwoman · 11/10/2018 20:04

Can I just add, I am ok, it did get better, you will be ok and build a better life. It just takes time and effort, but it's so worth it .

2018SoFarSoGreat · 11/10/2018 22:50

Just sending another voice of support. You have handled this brilliantly. You should feel very proud of yourself. The doubts are normal, but you know in yourself you are doing the right thing here. 💐

Missingstreetlife · 11/10/2018 23:14

What is the matter with your counsellor? Can you get a more sympathetic one, encouraging contact with your abuser when you are trying to be strong is just wrong. You can go back whenever you want, but now you need space

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 11/10/2018 23:16

I guess I'm just struggling. I keep seeing families out and about and happy and giggling. Cuts deep, truly does

Of course it does. But this too will pass. I wish I could hug you, or just make you a Brew and some Cake

Littlemissdemeanour · 11/10/2018 23:23

I don't think he was encouraging support with them per se; I think he was more looking to my psychological state, how it's impacted me, and how the finality could impact me long term.

Hence, a firm message but with an opener there - if I ever wanted it.

I clearly don't at present, and I've re evaluated everything. I'm still going through the motions.

I personally agreed it was in the right tone, and well considered it before sending it. I felt the message was right for me- even in so very wrong circumstances.

OP posts:
Ali1cedowntherabbithole · 11/10/2018 23:28

Good counselling doesn't tell you what do fo though it helps you to work through what you want to do and it sounds like this is what your Counsellor has done.

Just remember none of this is your fault Thanks

Littlemissdemeanour · 11/10/2018 23:32

Maybe I'm not portraying it as it was. I was asking for direction in case they called police/ continued to harass me and their defence was they hadn't heard / concern for me.

I acknowledged I needed to let them know I was there, but didn't want contact. With regards to the comment about for the time being, that was borne out of a conversation with counsellor on how shutting everything down completely whilst I was still processing could impact me gravely psychologically, hence wording like that was used.

Hope that makes sense. And I hope from my posts here that it's clear I'm not someone who does as others dictate; I tend to listen to the variety of replies, take heed, weigh it up, and then act.

The text message I sent was what I believe best for me.

OP posts:
Powerless · 11/10/2018 23:33

@ASimpleLampoon A Non-Molestation Order can only be issued against a current or previous partner

Missingstreetlife · 12/10/2018 00:15

That sounds reasonable. Just don't get hooked into having to do it over again. Unfortunately the more you respond, the more they will be encouraged. Hope you will get some peace now.

Itchyknees · 12/10/2018 13:02

Op I’ve sat and read the entire thread and it’s astounding. Stay strong.

30000Lakes · 12/10/2018 13:39

Just wanted to say thanks to those who suggested the Stand Alone charity. Am going to book into one of their Christmas Workshops. It's exactly what i need and I would not have known about it if it wasn't for this thread.

Littlemissdemeanour · 12/10/2018 19:28

Thanks all. Horrendous day

OP posts:
Aprilislonggone · 12/10/2018 19:31

Sorry to hear that op.
Flowers

justilou1 · 12/10/2018 19:32

What’s happened, Littlemiss? Work, Parents or everything?

redexpat · 12/10/2018 19:36

I think you're bloody marvellous LM.

Littlemissdemeanour · 12/10/2018 19:58

I text back in reply to another message. Setting it all out.

Had awful messages in reply,

OP posts:
Littlemissdemeanour · 12/10/2018 19:59

I got this

There have been no lies because we have not spoken to anyone about this. You have chosen to do that. You have mentioned the truth? But no one has heard both sides. Is that fair or reasonable.? Of course it’s not. So again it comes to you. Yes you. That’s really what you have always wanted. Isn’t it . You. The victim. You the centre of attention. You the misunderstood. Time has hardened your heart. It’s a sad place to be in.get used to the silence, enjoy the self absorption. It’s your prison cell now. It’s a life sentence .

OP posts:
cheesefield · 12/10/2018 20:02

Pair of cunts.

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 12/10/2018 20:02

Oh little
They really are nasty pieces of work. I'm so sorry for you. Please try not to take their words on board. I know that's hard.
Try not to respond again, I also know that's hard.
They have no right to demand anything of you at all.
When are you next going to see your counsellor? You probably aren't ever going to get the apology or acknowledgement you crave so you may need to talk that through and gets some ways to accept that.
Flowers Wine Gin Cake and whatever else you need right now

OliviaBenson · 12/10/2018 20:03

I think you need to stop replying op, they are sucking you back in and only want to hurt you. They will never accept responsibility. I'm sorry.

Whisky2014 · 12/10/2018 20:03

Wow she's so dramatic. Just please now cut all contact

Swipe left for the next trending thread