Abusive parents- I phoned the police. Now what?

[Littlemissdemeanour]

Long time poster.

I’m very confused about what happened last night, what to do; and I’m writing it all down as to not minimise it, and hopefully get some help - I’ve no one to share this with.

I was visiting parents (another town), and an argument ensued about a family matter. Yes, drink had been consumed, but not, in my opinion, to excess.

My mother who is prone to outbursts, shall we say, shouted, swore at me, threw a glass of wine over me and pushed me very aggressively and slapped me- my earring fell out. She proceeded to tear my now red wine stained jumper in three places. I was terrified.

I tried to pack my stuff and leave and my father and mother prevented me; pushing me up against the wall, hissing in my face. This went on for quite some time and I was screaming for help to neighbours.

My mother, who works for mental health services, proceeds to make a call in the hallway ‘to get me sectioned’. Everything is always my fault. I’m terrified, shaking, a wreck and genuinely think that I’m going to be sectioned. I’m also being held and can’t leave what I’m increasingly feeling is becoming a dangerous situation.

I phoned 999, the police. A very low moment - who wants to do that to their own parents?

They continue to hound me, hiss at me, push me (I’m very bruised today). Around 20 min later police arrive. I must say they were super, and did say I should pursue a complaint (my parents admitted their actions in full justifying it as ‘it was for my own good, safety’ - the police woman utterly refuted this). I was advised there was a clear case for abduction by not letting me leave on my own will, and abuse.

I tell the police I just want to leave and catch a train. So I’m driven to the train station in the police car, and travel home 2 hours alone, a wreck.

Today, I don’t know what to do. My parents are abusive. I’ve many bruises and frankly, my jumper is horrifying to look at, I can’t minimise what they’ve done. No argument that’s verbal ever justifies this. I don’t know what I should do. I feel it’s already gone too far (but I didn’t know what else I could have managed other than phone police?)

We have a large family holiday planned later in the year, which if I’m honest I’ve always been hesitant about as they’ve become increasingly unhinged (threads on their behaviour span years on here).

Please help me make sense of what happened, I suppose I’m looking to understand what I should do next/ confirmation I did do the right thing. Now I’m here alone it’s hit me that even though they undertook the action, I’m the one (by phoning police) that’s severed any chance of moving on?

No, @Whisky2014 I need to see the level of their behaviour so I know I'm doing the right thing- as well as understand their movements / use as evidence if I have to defend myself to family or get police involved at a later date

Ah ok. Yeh just whatever works for you.

And a voicemail saying 'can you phone please'

Sounding so panicked. Too late. Now they've finally realised just how serious I am.

Oh how the shoe is on the other foot

Your GPs played their hand terribly, from the point of view of your parents. They actively chose. Would have worked better for them if they hadn't or made the right noises to you. Your parents can't access you to reel you back in and put you back into place, and they're lost.

And you know what, they bloody deserve to be lost. They bloody deserve a lot more but lost is a start.

Thanks @OhLookHeKickedTheBall
I know who to trust now, that's for sure.

Feel uncle let me down too, ditto cousin. But knowledge is power. At least I have that now

Sending hugs

My guess is that they depended on you to be their punchbag. Without you they may have to turn on each other. Without the release of you as their punchbag they may turn on your wider family and none of the family want that so they have a vested interest in getting you back as a punchbag.

I suspect that without you, things may fall apart for them. They may get more desperate. Sending hugs and good vibes x

I've been watching this for the last few days & I want to back up what pp's have said about how strong you are being.

I did see on another post in relation to collating evidence if later needed for police etc.
Could you screenshot all texts and send them along with the pictures you took of your bruises and ripped top to your email address? If you set a dedicated folder for this, if needed, you will have all information to hand in space of minutes. It allows you to have copies of all texts and pictures twice, should your phone ever break, Does that make sense?

Again I wish you all the best and remember you have many people here watching and wanting the best for you 💐

I've met someone like that they're very clever so you have to be clever, record their outbursts, record every single one, gather as much evidence and write down statements time place date and what happened in detail each time, take pictures of bruses marks and things broken, then when you have plenty go to the police and tell them about your mother and that she threatens to get you sectioned.

She’s shitting herself.

She’s losing control of her victim

I need to see the level of their behaviour so I know I'm doing the right thing

I completely get this, and of course you can't really be in any doubt that you're doing the right thing. It's surely obvious now that any contact at all would be seen by them as a massive triumph and even a vindication of their behaviour ... "we HAD to force her into contact, you see, so we could teach her the error of her ways"

I do worry, though, about the cost to you of going through this. Of course it's a process and it's maybe an improvement on being physically abused, but might there perhaps be a point where the distress of their attempts at contact becomes such that preventing that contact is preferable?

@Nagaram I asked what the argument was about not why the police was called. Thanks anyway

However foggy your head was feeling due to the years of narcissistic abuse and the plain fact that our relationship with our primary carers are the hardest to break, it sounds to me that that final episode dispersed that fog in one almighty blast. It took that one huge event to break through the wall of denial ( or fear).
Once I would have agreed with all the posters who have said block block block.
However I can see how smart you are to not do this at the moment and how beneficial it is. They are showing all their cards. You are watching, listening and biding your time to act. You are way ahead. The expression "keep your enemies close" springs to mind here.
I think you are emotionally strong despite the hammering you are taking and you are wise, resolute and very much in control emotionally.
You were dealt, like many of us, a rotten hand of cards but you were clearly given the strength of character needed to enable you to come through the other side.
The way you are dealing with this is fantastic

Thank you so much all, and @Wishiknewthen

I really need to see the words and to keep posting/ de toxifying/ writing it down so I can reiterate why I'm not replying (and kill the slight guilts I'm getting).

When I think of how hellish that first 24 hours was for me almost a month ago...

And now my mother appears to be deep in the throes of panic. For all the wrong conceited reasons though.

Well done on staying resolute to what is best for you. That's great you are seeing your counsellor tomorrow. Good luck for the best session

If you can stomach it, read up and inform yourself as much as you can about narcissism. Mumsnetters people say that there is a script men follow when an affair is found out. The same is true for narcissistic families/scapegoats. They also tend to follow a script.
Long term and to give you something to cheer you up, when the scapegoat hands their notice in a vacancy is created. You might enjoy thinking who of the 'family' that have betrayed you so badly, will be the next 'chosen one'

Littlemiss
I think you are doing brilliantly and well done for staying resolute.
I was thinking about things and I wonder if, in their own minds, your parents actually don't know what they have done because they are believing the fiction they have fed everyone else. It may be to try to stop them you will have to text them along the lines of 'never contact me again'. Perhaps you could ask your counsellor?
I am NC with my mother but I know that she professes not to 'know what she has done'
Keep it up, you are doing great and I hope the work thing sorts itself out soon for you

Sending really positive vibes for your session with the counsellor today. The fact that you're starting to move through this ghastly mess shines out from every post now ... onwards and upwards!!

You are amazingly strong, Littlemiss - and your boundaries are very clear. I hope you are prepared for them to up the ante before they give up completely. Once a bully, etc... I’m thrilled to hear that you are in a secure building. I hope your appointment gives you some clarity, and the work crap is resolved positively!

Morning all

No further contact from work (ffs!!) - was meant to know more by now.

Feeling edgy about this ongoing situation, but keep re going over the material facts in my head. As well as the no remorse / concern for me in ANY of the comms I've received (-and the length of time the first comms took to reach).

I'm also under no illusions over what this means for my future; not only are the parents out, the family is too.

Time to replace your old family with a new one you choose to be part of.
Not all family is related by blood, the best families are bonded by experiences and friendship.

Just read the thread and can’t add anything constructive other than to add my support and best wishes. Good luck!

I've just read all this thread, I'm so sorry you've had to go through this OP! It sounds like you're on a positive path now. for you!

Textbook - father in hospital

That old chestnut comes out often doesn't it?

When my DF was trying not so subtly to get me to cave in he told me of my mother's ill health (which was genuine at least). I think he was shocked when I responded along the lines of 'that's sad to hear, hope she gets better soon' and then had to ring off to do the school run. They don't have the affect on my they once had. One part of that was they CBA to call me a few years back after I'd had an operation, so I'm damned if I'm running about after them.