Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Abusive parents- I phoned the police. Now what?

941 replies

Littlemissdemeanour · 16/09/2018 08:07

Long time poster.

I’m very confused about what happened last night, what to do; and I’m writing it all down as to not minimise it, and hopefully get some help - I’ve no one to share this with.

I was visiting parents (another town), and an argument ensued about a family matter. Yes, drink had been consumed, but not, in my opinion, to excess.

My mother who is prone to outbursts, shall we say, shouted, swore at me, threw a glass of wine over me and pushed me very aggressively and slapped me- my earring fell out. She proceeded to tear my now red wine stained jumper in three places. I was terrified.

I tried to pack my stuff and leave and my father and mother prevented me; pushing me up against the wall, hissing in my face. This went on for quite some time and I was screaming for help to neighbours.

My mother, who works for mental health services, proceeds to make a call in the hallway ‘to get me sectioned’. Everything is always my fault. I’m terrified, shaking, a wreck and genuinely think that I’m going to be sectioned. I’m also being held and can’t leave what I’m increasingly feeling is becoming a dangerous situation.

I phoned 999, the police. A very low moment - who wants to do that to their own parents?

They continue to hound me, hiss at me, push me (I’m very bruised today). Around 20 min later police arrive. I must say they were super, and did say I should pursue a complaint (my parents admitted their actions in full justifying it as ‘it was for my own good, safety’ - the police woman utterly refuted this). I was advised there was a clear case for abduction by not letting me leave on my own will, and abuse.

I tell the police I just want to leave and catch a train. So I’m driven to the train station in the police car, and travel home 2 hours alone, a wreck.

Today, I don’t know what to do. My parents are abusive. I’ve many bruises and frankly, my jumper is horrifying to look at, I can’t minimise what they’ve done. No argument that’s verbal ever justifies this. I don’t know what I should do. I feel it’s already gone too far (but I didn’t know what else I could have managed other than phone police?)

We have a large family holiday planned later in the year, which if I’m honest I’ve always been hesitant about as they’ve become increasingly unhinged (threads on their behaviour span years on here).

Please help me make sense of what happened, I suppose I’m looking to understand what I should do next/ confirmation I did do the right thing. Now I’m here alone it’s hit me that even though they undertook the action, I’m the one (by phoning police) that’s severed any chance of moving on?

OP posts:
spacefighter · 09/10/2018 13:00

I don't understand why you haven't blocked all numbers and social media regarding your parents?

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 09/10/2018 13:07

With the threat to call you work to see if you are there, do you think they're doing it in order to find your location so they know where they're most likely to find you in person?

Littlemissdemeanour · 09/10/2018 13:09

@spacefighter better the devil I know. Think about it- if I didn't have the knowledge yesterday via text, I would have run into them at my home.

Also, it is evidence.

OP posts:
Puzzledandpissedoff · 09/10/2018 13:10

If she does call my work and I hear of it, I'll call police. Out of control

Just as well

You're right that nothing you say will get through to someone so deranged, but as I've said, given her reaction to them last time I'm not convinced warnings from the police will make any difference either

In the end, it might work out better if they just give up and concentrate on their "poor us to have such an ungrateful child" narrative instead. Doubtless they know plenty who'll pat their hands and commiserate, and good luck to them with that

Got to love the "goes beyond any behaviour" though; they've got the right idea but are speaking of the wrong person. Like I said ... deranged

Littlemissdemeanour · 09/10/2018 13:34

Totally deranged. Really have to untangle with counsellor tomo. Do not think any pre planned comms as per last week is wise when I get outbursts / tantrums like that.

One thing is for sure: he was right about the role reversal from parent to child. She's acting like a bratty child.

OP posts:
Bluesmartiesarebest · 09/10/2018 14:00

I think you are absolutely right not to respond to any of the text messages. Nothing you say is going to change your parents and the way that they are. I believe that only thing that you can possibly change is the way you react to their behaviour and that is what you need help with from your therapist. Your mental health will be much better for having absolutely no contact with them.

The threats of visiting your work is more abuse to scare you. Ignore the message and if they do turn up ask security or the police to remove them.

Do you carry a personal alarm around with you? They are cheap to buy and easy to keep in a pocket. It might help you feel a bit more secure while you are out and about.

You are doing amazingly well to keep going, especially when you have stress from work happening at the same time.

Fashionista101 · 09/10/2018 14:06

Wow hats off to you OP you are handling this fantastically! You are very strong, keep believing in yourself :)

Littlemissdemeanour · 09/10/2018 14:29

@Bluesmartiesarebest The threats of visiting your work is more abuse to scare you

This is so true. Just like her fake sectioning call. Just like her messages 'this is very bad'; and the latest one about my 'behaviour'

She has no authority to call rank. None, whatsoever.

OP posts:
Joysmum · 09/10/2018 17:07

As hard as it is to receive such threats, I firmly believe you are right not to block them as I’m afraid you will need that evidence as they ramp up their efforts to try to bring you back into line and protect their image to the family and rest of the world.

This is something nothing you can say or do will change, unless you cave in and go back to being their puppet for the rest of your lives.

Is them harassing you at work the only boundary you have that’d force you to resort to the police?

flowerpower18 · 09/10/2018 17:12

Hi @Littlemissdemeanour

I do apologise firstly as I haven't read all the posts but I've your first one post and on the last page a post where you put "What is interesting to me is that I've not been as anxious without them in my life. I'm upset at what's happened. But no anxiety for the first time in... forever. I no longer even get the fast heart feeling when I see the messages on the screen".....

Your parents sound similar to my Mother, I haven't spoken to her for almost 3 years, I'm 33 years old and it was the BEST decision I ever made to cut off all contact with her and I will NEVER speak to her again. I'm still in therapy because of the way she treated me. She was controlling, manipulative, always crying wolf to me and my Sister...Took me long enough to finally overcome that "awww but she's my Mum" feeling...Best thing ever!

Be strong and if you feel less anxious not having them around...that says it all really.

To be honest most of my family are weird, I now only have my Sister and Niece in my life on my family side....Best decision ever made!

RubiksQueen · 09/10/2018 17:24

She will call your work? What, to tell on you? You aren't 12!

She will call your work and your work will say you are unavailable. They won't say why you're off, they will just say you're not there.

Hard as it is I totally get why you've not blocked them. It's how I deal with my abusive ex. No surprises.

You are being amazing, although you probably don't feel it. You still have more than half your life left and it is wonderful that you won't have to live it in anxiety and misery any more.

WellThisIsShit · 09/10/2018 17:27

All this bluster and hot air! They are making themselves look embarrassing and ridiculous!

What behaviour?! Your mother is trying to make it sound like you’ve behaved incredibly badly and need shaming for it... except what behaviour us she talking about exactly?!

You’ve literally done nothing, there is nothing for her to tell you off her because this oh so terrible behaviour comes down to an absence of behaviour from you...

She’s utterly bonkers. It sounds like a temper tantrum. Like a toddler!

Littlemissdemeanour · 09/10/2018 17:45

I know. I'm pretty dumbfounded by the whole thing.

OP posts:
Fashionista101 · 09/10/2018 17:56

I'm not saying this justifies their actions because I pretty certain nothing does! But what was the argument (when you called the poilce) about? Just completely intrigued by their behaviour!

Littlemissdemeanour · 09/10/2018 18:09

@Fashionista101 It was about mr having a different recollection to an event in all our lives. Essentially: it was personal.

OP posts:
Nagaram · 09/10/2018 18:18

Fashionista101 look at the original post to see why the police were called!

OP well done for keeping your dignified silence. I expect their increasingly bizarre behaviour will out them eventually. Due to your foresight your home is safe as it can’t be targeted by them because of the entry system and changed keys.
As you’ve said, you are dealing with the work thing first. You have the luxury of time - they don’t as they are going to have to make up excuses as the holiday nears. Well done Flowers

Littlemissdemeanour · 09/10/2018 19:56

More threats coming in- this time to send another relative who lives locally round.

'If I don't hear from you I will send X round'

What a piece of work my mother is. FUCKING BRAT (sorry, not sorry for the language)

OP posts:
Aprilislonggone · 09/10/2018 20:00

Maybe time to fill the relative in on the reality of the situation?

dirtybadger · 09/10/2018 20:01

Your posts make me fuming(them not you). How fucking dare she threaten you, when any good parents concern would be that you were injured or ill! Angry

You are doing very well and are clearly resilient. Do you think she is bluffing or there is some weight in this?

Whisky2014 · 09/10/2018 20:02

Do not answer the door. It will probably be her anyway but just want to make you think its the other relative

Littlemissdemeanour · 09/10/2018 20:06

No, I won't. Just had a further text 'nearly 4 weeks. Please call. This is not needed'

Resisted temptation to reply go to hell. You assaulted me, abused me, kept me haunts my will. You've had no regard whatsoever for if I got home safe that night, or consequently. You e since threatened me on text, harassed me and made an unwarranted and out of the blue call to me HOME. And yet, after all this time the only remote courtesy you can manage is please!?*

OP posts:
Littlemissdemeanour · 09/10/2018 20:07

Excuse all the typos - you get the gist

I'm furious now.

OP posts:
Littlemissdemeanour · 09/10/2018 20:09

Oh yeah and it will be an empty threat - sending a relative round would expose her. She's full of empty threats

OP posts:
Whisky2014 · 09/10/2018 20:09

Honestly id block them. You can always unblock later.

Whisky2014 · 09/10/2018 20:10

Oh or buy a 2nd phone to use as a main phone and have this kne at.home that you only look at every other day. Might save some stress?