Abusive parents- I phoned the police. Now what?

[Littlemissdemeanour]

Long time poster.

I’m very confused about what happened last night, what to do; and I’m writing it all down as to not minimise it, and hopefully get some help - I’ve no one to share this with.

I was visiting parents (another town), and an argument ensued about a family matter. Yes, drink had been consumed, but not, in my opinion, to excess.

My mother who is prone to outbursts, shall we say, shouted, swore at me, threw a glass of wine over me and pushed me very aggressively and slapped me- my earring fell out. She proceeded to tear my now red wine stained jumper in three places. I was terrified.

I tried to pack my stuff and leave and my father and mother prevented me; pushing me up against the wall, hissing in my face. This went on for quite some time and I was screaming for help to neighbours.

My mother, who works for mental health services, proceeds to make a call in the hallway ‘to get me sectioned’. Everything is always my fault. I’m terrified, shaking, a wreck and genuinely think that I’m going to be sectioned. I’m also being held and can’t leave what I’m increasingly feeling is becoming a dangerous situation.

I phoned 999, the police. A very low moment - who wants to do that to their own parents?

They continue to hound me, hiss at me, push me (I’m very bruised today). Around 20 min later police arrive. I must say they were super, and did say I should pursue a complaint (my parents admitted their actions in full justifying it as ‘it was for my own good, safety’ - the police woman utterly refuted this). I was advised there was a clear case for abduction by not letting me leave on my own will, and abuse.

I tell the police I just want to leave and catch a train. So I’m driven to the train station in the police car, and travel home 2 hours alone, a wreck.

Today, I don’t know what to do. My parents are abusive. I’ve many bruises and frankly, my jumper is horrifying to look at, I can’t minimise what they’ve done. No argument that’s verbal ever justifies this. I don’t know what I should do. I feel it’s already gone too far (but I didn’t know what else I could have managed other than phone police?)

We have a large family holiday planned later in the year, which if I’m honest I’ve always been hesitant about as they’ve become increasingly unhinged (threads on their behaviour span years on here).

Please help me make sense of what happened, I suppose I’m looking to understand what I should do next/ confirmation I did do the right thing. Now I’m here alone it’s hit me that even though they undertook the action, I’m the one (by phoning police) that’s severed any chance of moving on?

WhateverHappenedToTheHeatwave

I agree. Totally.

Thanks renarde I am indeed in the middle of a crisis, but feel I’ve been able to demonstrate I’m no liar tonight. And by my parents continual ability to lie and act like nothing happened? Narcissists, perhaps. Psychopaths, perhaps..

Ahh the thread has moved on.

OP. DO NOT under any circumstances now divulge to this third party any more information,

You have now identified a key 'flying monkey' or Lieutenant. They will be now 'high placed'. Only a very special member would have been sent in at this perilous hour. And you are spilling.

Stop it, please lovely. It will all be turned against you in ways you cannot possibly comprehend right now.

It sounds like you have at least one good friend and some family.

But even if there was no one else I’d rather be lonely than put up with being abused like that. I’m NC with my mum and my dad is dead and I only have one brother so I get what you mean about the worry about being isolated.

Can you work on building friendships up? I think with good friends it’s easier to walk away from family arseholes.

OP - No, not psychos. They are utterly unaware of how their own behaviour is affecting others.

But your F, or as I would say, Patriarch, is still maintaining the control.

Seize it back. You can do it. Full NC. Go on, I double dare you!

But un-mumsetty hugs too. x

Sorry renarde, I know you mean well, but this is my life and I have to live through real life support through a family member who has known and cared for me all my life.

I had opened up to them in advance of a pre arranged call they had with parents and I guess we all had to see for ourselves what was to unfold. We did.

I’ve not revealed too little or too much IMO; because it’s the truth, and the truth never lets me down.

I am careful and private, but beyond a virtual thread, there is my life, and I must now take a judgement on whom I can lean on to support me, and walk with me through a very big battle. I’ve done that.

I will look at the articles and references you’ve sent, thank you

I once read on here that "an abusive parent is not better than no parent". I think you need to bear this in mind, although you feel lonely, you are capable of making relationships that value you, don't underestimate yourself.

Prawnofthepatriarchy

Nah. Totally disagree with you.

The OP's priority right now is making sure that she is safe. Not pursing some vengeful 'justice; in the future. That can be done but its, well, I don't perceive as her priority. The OP needs to make sure she is secure and safe. All those matters can be effected at some future date.

No one is going anywhere.

Your DF is senior in the church. Your DM works in MH. Neither of them should occupy such positions. I'd co-operate with the police because it's important that the attack on you is made official.

It has been reported and is now in the system. That is, for now, enough.

Pressing charges will fulfill two objectives. 1. It will enforce consequences on your DPs for their cruel criminal acts. 2. It will create a barrier over which your DPs will hesitate to stick a toe.

Yeah. I'm guessing that you have not really dealt with the police? I have. On a rape charge, stalking from an ex and of course my own F's beaviours.

Actually, the police get a very rum deal. When I have had to deal with them, I have found them to be perfectly frank, polite and kind. Lucid and on occasions, extremely healing. They get it. In spades (or at least the intelligent ones do). But they are also frank. They will quite happily tell you that the chances of conviction are pretty much zero because of the degree of proof involved.

Or in common parlance; it will be kicked out by the CPS. They will always tow the lie on a possible conviction. This is why Domestic Violence is so very difficult to pin down. It's why the Police ignored it for decades. It wasn't necessarily that they didn't empathise but how can you prove it? Or more importantly, how can the criminal court secure a conviction?

It's not that they don't want to help because I perceive the majority do. Their hands are tied and still the violence goes on.

OP: do what you can right now to keep yourself safe. If you are threatened at all, in any way, call 999.

Rest well.

I’m NC with mine for a lot less.

It’s lovely not having toxic, abusive and violent cunts in my life.

Sorry OP. It's now clear that you are now in the grip of emotional thinking. Simply because you are making assumptions based on facts. But where are those facts based?

You would be UTTERLY surprised if I was to reveal to you what is going on in my life at the moment. The idea that a key person that you have previously trusted might be doing the dirty will be so abhorrent to you that you are immediately rejecting the notion that it cannot be true.

This is Emotional Thinking.

It may be true; it may not be true. Tread carefully. For all is not what it seems x

You need to make a formal complaint OP, what if they decide to have you sectioned, what are you going to do. you need to stand your grounds and seek professional help in getting to grips with what is happening in you life.

So sorry this is happening to you but you need to be strong for yourself and stand up for yourself.

I have had to take drastic action because of abuses.
Like you I am one person while the abusers are more than one person.
The fear is that more than one person saying the same thing is more likely to be believed than just one person without corroboration. This is why persons who abuse with others feel powerful and often get away with the abuse.
Right now you have the support of the Police and that is so powerful and on your side. You have to grab this moment with both hands and be guided by Police.
I know the end result s likely more loneliness for you but what you have to think about is if the terrors of your visit to your parents is better or worse than the loneliness.
I chose the loneliness over abuse and it can be lonely but far better than all the drama and distress.
There will always be someone on MN to talk to or PM me if you want

Beaverhausen

Oh God. Here's another one. A 'sectioning' under Class Two of The Mental Health Act (I believe) requires TWO doctors to concur that the beaviour of the patient is likely to;

Harm themselves

Harm others

Most of the time, they will persuade the patient to go into care voluntarily.

The OP needs to, in my opinion, take the fight back by withdrawing. Ceasing all communication and then healing.

And THEN taking action. From an utterly, logical space of mind. Not when she is dealing with all these 'Towers of Emotion' which are threatening to engulf her (They won't BTW, she is far too strong for that)

Well done on calling the police & looking for support.

Stay strong & never see these evil people again

I just wanted to comment on the sectioning comments. These are misinformed, and not fair. So what if they did what to section me?

They would find it pretty hard, I mean sure, Knowing what I know from the police officer, two doctor’s need to agree that I’m sufficiently unwell to do so. I hope if you’ve garnished anything from this thread, is that whilst I’m shocked, upset, bereft at what I am going through, I remain lucid, emotionally aware and sane. I am in control, I am the one dealing with this, hard as it may be. I am the one that’s reached for help through the police, counselling and here;

I feel like like I am having to justify myself with responses to suggestions like that, and frankly: I’ve had a lifetime of that with my parents.

Please think before you post.

Here’s my 2 cents. You say you need to keep your abusive parents in your life because otherwise you’ll be even lonelier than you are now?

1. Nothing is lonelier than being pushed and pulled in a horrible relationship. Nothing.
2. It’s only once you cut these people loose that you have a chance to heal, grow, blossom and attract new friends.

You are lonely now BECAUSE of your family, not despite them. And in a few years time, you could have a whole new family of people who really care about you. You don’t need to be joined by blood to call someone family. Find a good counsellor to help you through the steps, it’s very doable. Let this last episode be The Last Episode.

All the best for your new life of calm and love.

Oh god, Op, you've had it tough, ignore the idiots mentioning sectioning, for some reason they seem to want to scare you! From reading the full thread I think Renarde1975 is the one to listen to and learn from, she(?) seems to know exactly how this works and if I were you I'd take all her advice like it was pure gold. Good luck Op.

Hi OP... just checking in on you today. Letting you know that you are one day stronger. X

I am so sorry this has happened to you.

Surely being without them even at Christmas is preferable to the treatment you have received.

I hope you are able to grt yourself removed from this abuse.

Good luck

Good morning OP. You were in my thoughts at times last night.
I hope you had a restful nights sleep.

I'm so sorry that this has happened to you op.

You've had much good advice on this thread, all I can add is to reiterate that the pain you are feeling is the sadness that you have realised that you don't have a loving relationship with your parents, never did, and never will. It will take time to grieve the loss of the relationship you wished you had. Be kind to yourself

Op don't be scared about being on your own, it's really nothing to be scared of and eventually you will make your own family and support network.

Your parents sound horrible please don't go back.

OP just wanted to say how incredibly strong you are being. You may not feel it but you are. It's all well a d good for those of us who haven't lived it to say what to do but the reality for you is that it's not easy. It's perfectly fine that feel anger, sadness, grief and even guilt over this. An event like this will bring feelings like that and many more out. You sound very much like you've got the resolve within you.

The difference is that your parents are probably not feeling anything other than anger. They won't be feeling sadness or shame or guilt. Sometimes emotions are felt strongest by the people who don't deserve to feel them. But that's what makes you a good person. Don't lose that.

To those saying I’m going back.. when did I say that? I said the new norm was just very shocking and difficult to comprehend.

Sadly some people on this thread have lived through this; similar and worse. Others seem to be able to very quickly detach from the emotional reality of everything I’ve known. I appreciate some of the well meaning advice, and believe me: I’m heading it.

Realise that I am human too, and I am hurting. Probably more than I’ve ever hurt in my life. I have to take this decision, and I have; alone.

The right thing is never easy, and lord knows I’m living it.

Today I was going to phone 101 with the incident ref and talk through the options I have for both formalising, and what that means, and support for me.

I feel some of the posts latterly have been quite harassing towards me. This is a loaded situation for me, and I’m very grateful of the time taken by posts and personal experiences (however hard) that have been shared, but some posts have been pushy and I need to take my own decision based on material facts, and what’s best for me.

Anyone would do the same in my position.