Just received a DM from a pregnant OW

[sadnessinseattle]

Sigh. Just that really.

H has form for cheating. I thought that was all in the past. We've been so good recently.

Just opened up my Facebook messages and I have a message (in Spanish - DH is Spanish and goes back for a couple weeks sometimes. I sometimes go with, I didn't this summer)

"The family in Spain is growing by 1 🤰🏻

What lovely little surprises he brings when he comes to stay 🧚🏻‍♀️❤️

I've used a fake profile to send this message but don't worry he will tell you everything soon..."

Seriously. With the emojis too.

I'm in bits.

Just confronted him as it's his day off and he was sleeping and he's denying it completely, saying he's got nothing to hide, he's not worried, it's someone crazy trying to break us up, etc.

I believe it. I've just had what felt like a panic attack in the shower.

I don't know what to do next.

What do I do?

We've argued and he's gone out acting al upset because I don't believe him.

When we were first together I know he was seeing someone from back home and she used to send me messages saying she wanted him back, she wouldn't stop at anything etc. I think it's her.

We've been together for 6 years, married nearly 3. No kids. I don't work as we moved away and it worked best for us like this. I've always been here to look after him and be a "good wife". If we divorce do I get nothing because we have no kids?? He's a high earned. I want to rinse every penny out of him. I can't stand him but I love him and I just wish it wasn't true but I feel like it is, it has to be.

What do I do?

What a head fuck for you op

Ok go back to work asap.

You have given up a career and this is a relatively short marriage.

What were you thinking? Relying on him when you don't trust him.

Oh I would be really sarcastic back and paint life is rosy and DH denied anything as he loved you - just to get on her nerves. She knows he's married and doesn't care. Her aim was to rattle you - do it back.

Even if none of that is true - your separation is separate from that. Yes as you are married you are entitled to regardless of no kids. You are his wife. His payments to kids in Spain will obviously count and I assume he does those anyway.

Sorry 💐

I agree with previous posters that you need to play the long game here. If you split tomorrow & he cut off the money then how would you survive? He’d certainly have more money to pay for a better lawyer than you.
Play it cool, squirrel away money - doesn’t matter that you have to declare it - at least you’ll be able to eat during the time the divorce is ongoing. Find yourself a job, if necessary tell him that you need more interests outside the house. If you haven’t got a car registered in your name, try & get that sorted. Obviously see solicitor first, but if you decide to leave the marital home then rent a flat/house with money from the joint account BEFORE you tell him.

She won't reply because she already knew he was married. You need to tell her what he said - that she's crazy and it's not true. Only feeling like she's not 'winning' will make her react

Hey all

Managed to sleep really well last night, feeling quite calm about it after having a great talk with BFF. She's on the side that she thinks it's not true BUT plan of action is as follows

• find good lawyer
• take advice on what to get together in the interim
• wait out til "due date" (end of feb??) to see if it all comes out in the wash. If not..
• private investigator to find out either way
• divorce the dick head if it's true
• counselling if it's not because I DO have trust issues.

We had big crisis talks last night where he was still just pleading his innocence.

She still hasn't replied, I've asked for proof. If it is someone making it up she's successfully planted a seed of doubt. And the next few months are going to be....... uncomfortable.

Thanks for al the advice on here. What do you think of my POA?

That sounds a sensible plan of action op .

That sounds like a good plan. My one question would be around the counselling. It may be beneficial for you in any case but I think that anyone receiving a message like you did (regardless of the relationship history) would have "trust issues". No one would just randomly message that. Even if the woman isn't pregnant, she's clearly a woman scorned! I don't think he's "innocent" in all this whatever the outcome. Like I say, counselling might be good to talk it all out anyway. I would just not want to see you attribute any "blame" to yourself if it turns out not to be true. You have done nothing wrong. A message like that would cause any woman to be asking questions (unless their bury their head in the sand types!).

Good plan, OP. One change I would suggest would be for you to get counseling just for yourself now. It will help you through the turbulent months to come.

I'm also in the camp that thinks that this woman is probably just stirring shite the pot, but that your husbands hands are not clean.

I genuinely couldn't wait it out until next Feb!

Good plan, OP
Id say best plan would be to gain financial independence again..

Why isn't 'get a job' on that list?

Why don't you ask the mother of his 2 children what she knows?

Get a selfie with your DH captioned So In Love, add loads of heart emojjis and then send it to her. Say 'myself and DH wanted to send you this'. See if he agrees to send it.

What do you think of my POA?

I think you should break up with him whatever. You don’t have trust issues you just have a dodgy partner. You’ve never trusted him, even if this woman isn’t pregnant he very feasibly could have fucked her and without trust you have no relationship.

I think your POA is fine but you need to get yourself a job.

Even if it’s not true this time you are allowing yourself to be put in an incredibly vulnerable position by not working.

We don’t need me to work from a financial point of view. I work because I like to know that I could keep myself and my D.C. should something dreadful happen. And I’ve been very happily married for 20 years and trust my DH implicitly.

Get a job and start a savings account.

You are married so you’ll get half of all the assets including the bonus

You are married so you’ll get half of all the assets including the bonus

This is not is definite. It's a short marriage and there are no kids. No one knows what she would get.

She needs proper legal advice. She also needs a job. She doesn't trust him, there s no kids and she needs her independence.

Yes.

Get a job will also be on the list. And squirrelling away cash.

Get a selfie with your DH captioned So In Love, add loads of heart emojjis and then send it to her. Say 'myself and DH wanted to send you this'.

This is extremely juvenile

She hasn't replied because he's already bollocked her for the first message.

I doubt it's someone he's seriously contemplating running away with, a serious partner wouldn't jeopardise that plan.

She's probably a fling that wants to hurt you both.

You definitely need to hold your tongue and see a solicitor. It's a short marriage without children so you'll get 50% of assets and be expected to work to support yourself; the bonus will be included in the assets.

My concern would be him squirreling money away in Spain, or just buggering off to live there to avoid a 50/50 split.

How old are the children of his first partner? Could the message and fake profile be the work of a young teenager that (however misguided) thinks you were instrumental in the breakdown of their parents’ relationship?

If it's true, there's no reason to be hiding her identity. She says he'll tell you everything soon and presumably that would include who she is. If he doesn't, then she'll have no way of proving it to you unless she identifies herself; a picture of an anonymous bump proves nothing.

She also sounds a bit dim, although perhaps that's because something got lost in translation.

It sounds like the ex to me, not the mother of his kids, the other one.

And trouble-making. Why create a fake account if he was going to tell you anyway?

Why do you not go back with him? Does he ask you to?