Just received a DM from a pregnant OW

[sadnessinseattle]

Sigh. Just that really.

H has form for cheating. I thought that was all in the past. We've been so good recently.

Just opened up my Facebook messages and I have a message (in Spanish - DH is Spanish and goes back for a couple weeks sometimes. I sometimes go with, I didn't this summer)

"The family in Spain is growing by 1 🤰🏻

What lovely little surprises he brings when he comes to stay 🧚🏻‍♀️❤️

I've used a fake profile to send this message but don't worry he will tell you everything soon..."

Seriously. With the emojis too.

I'm in bits.

Just confronted him as it's his day off and he was sleeping and he's denying it completely, saying he's got nothing to hide, he's not worried, it's someone crazy trying to break us up, etc.

I believe it. I've just had what felt like a panic attack in the shower.

I don't know what to do next.

What do I do?

We've argued and he's gone out acting al upset because I don't believe him.

When we were first together I know he was seeing someone from back home and she used to send me messages saying she wanted him back, she wouldn't stop at anything etc. I think it's her.

We've been together for 6 years, married nearly 3. No kids. I don't work as we moved away and it worked best for us like this. I've always been here to look after him and be a "good wife". If we divorce do I get nothing because we have no kids?? He's a high earned. I want to rinse every penny out of him. I can't stand him but I love him and I just wish it wasn't true but I feel like it is, it has to be.

What do I do?

It doesn’t really matter if it is true though does it? You don’t trust him so why stay with him?

Unless you can get a recommendation from someone you know, the best way to select a solicitor is to meet with a few. Almost all will do an initial consultation for free. Ask about their experience with similar cases, costs and timelines and assess how you mesh with them personally.

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

OP I understand the need for proof. Its a difficult one!

This aside you still don't trust him, what amends were made when he cheated before. What did he do to even gain your trust? Whatever it was, it wasn't enough.

Consider telling your dh you will stay together for now.

Reply to the message along the lines of ‘ha ha very funny. Have a great weekend’

Then you quietly get the best lawyer you can, you funnel as much money as you can into a private account and you wait for the bonus. If this shit of a man has hurt you again you should prepare and play the long game.

The marriage was already over, this messsge has just brought to the surface what you already know, there is no trust or future with this man.

You can start again, you can have the future you deserve. Don’t panic with a knee jerk reaction, don’t get mad get even.

Do you get along well enough with the mother of his children to ask her, in a straightforward, non judgemental way, assuming she is in the same part of Spain. Persumably she will not be that thrilled to hear of yet another claim on the salary. Or more disruption for her children.

Failing that Private Detective. Either the person messaging is a fruitcake or your husband is a lier who wont admit anything until he is faced with clear evidence.

See a solicitor at citizens advice, you’ll get a free half hour chat, they will give good advice with no obligation to continue.

Ask for proof before you believe the e-mail. It may be lies.

don't tell him you're thinking of divorcing till he's got the bonus or you'll probably find he'll hide the bonus or just say it wasn't awarded (like ask work to hold it back). I've known employers to do this - they will hold back big sums till after the divorce.

And when you separate or divorce where will you live and how will you earn a living because at the moment you are being 'kept'? Why are you entitled to half of his bonus? I'm not suggesting you put up with infidelity but it all sounds a bit money-grabbing. Start afresh if you want but stand on your own feet with a fair share of what you contributed

I’m so sorry about this 😭 is there no information linked to the fake profile???

Thanks all. Am currently in the hairdressers with a head full of foils making ugly crying faces at the mirror while my lovely hairdresser tries to console me. Lol.
At least I shall have a fab hairdo even if I will have the puffy eyes.

She's still not replied to my message.

No info from the profile. She said in her message (rough translation) "for discretion I've used a fake profile and picture"

Which makes me think it can't be the mother of the his kids. I just don't think she would be as vindictive as this.
She's not evil, she would have sent me a message not hiding who she is. And not with all those fucking emojis

Can you do some sleuthing before you make a decision? Work email account or social media?

I gave up a good career to move to where he is and have supported him A LOT through a tough couple of years (he wasn't always such a high earner) and without doubt I can say I've been instrumental in his promotions. He has said he couldn't have done it without me.

I'm capable of going back to my career even though it will be a couple of rungs down the ladder that's not a problem. But I will need money to start again. Renting a house, a car, etc.

Also. I want him to feel some form of repercussion for what he's done. If that means sending over a lump of money then so fucking be it.

Yes, keep schtum until the bonus is in the bank. Put on an Oscar-worthy performance of marital normality, and invent a painful yeast infection so in the meantime you don't have to shag the cheat and leave yourself open to any infections he may have brought back duty free.

They can't behind a fake profile forever op and the fact that it mentions your husband telling you soon enough? Sounds like he knows and she is keeping the baby.

Hopefully she will be furious he has denied her and gives you details.

I'm really sorry you are going through this

Lol, was it just me who wondered... a 6 figure bonus? 100,000??? what does he do?!?

Also. I want him to feel some form of repercussion for what he's done.

That's understandable, but the divorce process isn't intended to mete out punishment, it's more focused on following the law regarding equitable distribution of marital assets. The circumstances may create sympathy for you but they won't generally put more money in your pocket to teach the right bastard a lesson.

Your solicitor will go over all of this with you.

I’d assume finance wittow. Odd time of year for a bonus though.

I would have been tempted to reply, "That's odd. He didn't tell you about his vasectomy last year, clearly."