Just received a DM from a pregnant OW

[sadnessinseattle]

Sigh. Just that really.

H has form for cheating. I thought that was all in the past. We've been so good recently.

Just opened up my Facebook messages and I have a message (in Spanish - DH is Spanish and goes back for a couple weeks sometimes. I sometimes go with, I didn't this summer)

"The family in Spain is growing by 1 🤰🏻

What lovely little surprises he brings when he comes to stay 🧚🏻‍♀️❤️

I've used a fake profile to send this message but don't worry he will tell you everything soon..."

Seriously. With the emojis too.

I'm in bits.

Just confronted him as it's his day off and he was sleeping and he's denying it completely, saying he's got nothing to hide, he's not worried, it's someone crazy trying to break us up, etc.

I believe it. I've just had what felt like a panic attack in the shower.

I don't know what to do next.

What do I do?

We've argued and he's gone out acting al upset because I don't believe him.

When we were first together I know he was seeing someone from back home and she used to send me messages saying she wanted him back, she wouldn't stop at anything etc. I think it's her.

We've been together for 6 years, married nearly 3. No kids. I don't work as we moved away and it worked best for us like this. I've always been here to look after him and be a "good wife". If we divorce do I get nothing because we have no kids?? He's a high earned. I want to rinse every penny out of him. I can't stand him but I love him and I just wish it wasn't true but I feel like it is, it has to be.

What do I do?

I’m so sorry. Get all paper work together of mortgage, bank statements, shares, pension etc. You may not have been married long but you moved to be with him to further his career and no longer have a career yourself so hopefully you will get a good settlement. You need a bloody good lawyer though. I also wouldn’t message her as this may jeopardise your case.

Whether this woman is knocked up or not, take this as an opportunity to get rid of this arse. You’re wasting your life.

Deffo wait for the bonus. And you need copies of pay slips.

sadness I'm not a divorce expert but I think that if you are a UK resident (I think that is something long term not just where you currently live if not in UK now) you can apply to have the divorce considered in the UK and that is a good idea because women have good rights there. I think that because you do not work you have a right to a good settlement. You need to register an interest in any properties he owns, which is easy to do, if you're not on the mortgage/deeds. I think you need a good UK based divorce lawyer to talk it through with. The crucial thing is you not working, rather than any of the awful cheating stuff, and you being a UK Citizen and long term UK resident prior to now, and both of you having lived in the UK together etc. Again, not an expert, just a friend went through similar with a high earner but was in a worse position because she worked. Doesn't matter if you wait til end of month or not - everything he earns while you are married goes into the pot and you can't get divorced in less than 20 days...

Honestly, you need a solicitor. If he is getting a massive bonus, and knows that you are speaking to a solicitor, don't expect him to leave his bonus in a bank account ready to give you half.

If you are looking for a solicitor, it would help to know where you are. People can recommend family solicitors but it's not much use if they are in Aberdeen and you are in Cornwall.

Yeah, I'm not sure that's real. Someone is messing with you.

And yes possibly on the bonus. Normally you're entitled to half of what came into thr marriage during the marriage.

No advice but so sorry, what a shock. But I would want to find out who it is so I would reply something about it being a lot of nonsense, she wont be able to resist replying I bet.

Not quite sure what you mean by that last comment, sadness. I would say just wait and see what happens, and keep your powder dry, as they say. Unless of course you've decided this is the last straw and you want out, regardless. If you go for a divorce, any assets are considered joint and this bonus would be part of that (unless he's already spent it). You probably need proper legal advice.

Id be tempted to send back "ha ha, nice one, DH had a vasectomy 2 years ago, so he's a jaffa - must be one of your other lovers. "

I agree with others, you need a good lawyer. If you have never lived in Spain, get divorced in the UK. You are at a serious disadvantage if not. But, I agree with Bluntness I am not sure this is real at all.

Also, why get divorced if this is fake??? Yes, you would be entitled to half his bonus I think (also not a legal expert)

OP definitely speak to a lawyer regarding your rights. He sounds horrible. What if he gives you an std or has fathered children with other people? You really do deserve better. Tbh if I was you I'd want to take him for everything I could too.

What a vile message. Definitely wanting a reaction.
Either way Your "D"H is a pig. His reaction and storming out shows something has gone on

Can't help on the solicitor front, but ditch this arse and you take care of yourself

Also, why get divorced if this is fake???

Because he’s already cheated on her and she can’t trust him. Even if this woman isn’t knocked up they still may be fucking.

Did you give up a good career yourself op? If so that may strengthen your argument.

What are you going to respond with OP? x

Tatiana completely right, had not seen this.Thought maybe not jump to a rash decision without knowing if it was true.

Tell her that youre really scared for her because he has HIV/Herpes/Hepatitis since the last time he cheated and you are no longer together

And then get a SHL and rinse him

I replied. Couldn't help myself.

I said

Bravo! And who are you??
I can't imagine how awful it must be to want to be pregnant by a married man.

Then I added in an emoji😢, because clearly she loves emojis

Branluese Genius. Say he has Hep C.

We've argued and he's gone out acting al upset because I don't believe him.

Yes, because that behaviour will convince you.

He's avoiding you because he doesn't want to admit the truth.

That's a good message.

A little bit off the subject, OP, but don't think too much about the emojis - the Spanish just love their emojis and can't seem to write a message of any kind without using too many of them. In my daughter's WhatsApp class group (we're in Spain), some of the mothers don't even use their names, just a long string of emojis leaving me frantically trying to work out who they are, and their messages can be very difficult to decipher with so many emojis crowding the text.

Yes, well done OP