Just received a DM from a pregnant OW

[sadnessinseattle]

Sigh. Just that really.

H has form for cheating. I thought that was all in the past. We've been so good recently.

Just opened up my Facebook messages and I have a message (in Spanish - DH is Spanish and goes back for a couple weeks sometimes. I sometimes go with, I didn't this summer)

"The family in Spain is growing by 1 🤰🏻

What lovely little surprises he brings when he comes to stay 🧚🏻‍♀️❤️

I've used a fake profile to send this message but don't worry he will tell you everything soon..."

Seriously. With the emojis too.

I'm in bits.

Just confronted him as it's his day off and he was sleeping and he's denying it completely, saying he's got nothing to hide, he's not worried, it's someone crazy trying to break us up, etc.

I believe it. I've just had what felt like a panic attack in the shower.

I don't know what to do next.

What do I do?

We've argued and he's gone out acting al upset because I don't believe him.

When we were first together I know he was seeing someone from back home and she used to send me messages saying she wanted him back, she wouldn't stop at anything etc. I think it's her.

We've been together for 6 years, married nearly 3. No kids. I don't work as we moved away and it worked best for us like this. I've always been here to look after him and be a "good wife". If we divorce do I get nothing because we have no kids?? He's a high earned. I want to rinse every penny out of him. I can't stand him but I love him and I just wish it wasn't true but I feel like it is, it has to be.

What do I do?

Were you considering divorce before this anonymous message? You seems to be jumping there very quickly, I know if I received an anonymous shit stirring message like that about my dh googling a divorce lawyer would not be my reaction.

If you were thinking about divorce anyway, see a solicitor to find out your legal situation as it isnt straight forward.

A three year marriage isn’t counted as much. Why aren’t you working? You have no children. Having just gone through a long and very expensive divorce myself, I am fairly sure yours would not be a 50/50 split if you haven’t really contributed to the finances when there are no children involved.

I would send her a message saying, oh love, chlamydia can be passed on to a foetus, I can send you my left over antibiotics if it will help?

What a class A bitch.

I've got a hair appt at 12:30 I don't know if I can sit through it but I should so I feel better.

Tbh I've never got over the initial betrayal. I thought I could and sort of papered over the cracks but I shouldn't have done that.

I don't trust him. I hate when he stays away for a night. I find myself reaching to check his phone when it beeps (I stop myself though) It's not a healthy relationship because I just can't trust him fully. I thought the trust would gradually come back but it hasn't.

So yea I'm jumping to divorce quite quickly but my gut is telling me this message is true.

Do you have access to the bank accounts? I'd start squirrelling money into one in my own name tbh. I don't have any personal experience with divorce minus kids but a mate got royally screwed. She was left with nothing. Play the long game, make sure you can support yourself for a while then hit him with divorce. Cannot stand lying, cheating pricks

“Do you have access to the bank accounts? I'd start squirrelling money into one in my own name”

The divorce process will ask for all bank accounts. That will show on a paper trail. Squirrel away but buy jewellery, or something that has value but not in a bank.

Don't retaliate. The message is awful but ultimately the message is not the issue - his behaviour is. Don't give this woman the satisfaction or waste your valuable time and energy on her. You should be thinking she is welcome to him as he sounds like a pig. Just get the legal advice you need and divorce him. Get on with your life. With no kids there is nothing to look back for and no reason to give this woman any purchase. You are worth more.

Good luck xxxx

I'd start squirrelling money into one in my own name tbh

DEFINITELY make sure you have your own money.

Would you like me to supply you with a list of Spanish swear words?

It is never 'so' good with a cheating partner.
You are always on a time limit until they do it again.

Ffs OP. Leave him. You don't have children that he can betray. If you stay with him he will probably leave them like he left his first kids anyway. Obviously the pregnancy thing may not he true but that doesn't matter. You don't want to end up stick with this guy.

You have no children?
Run!
This isn’t a way to live your life....and I promise you it will only get worse
Wrap him up, stick a stamp on him and send him to her with your love

You deserve better and she’s welcome

I’m very sorry you are going through this.

You need to do three things to protect yourself:

Quietly see a solicitor
Visit your GP or GUM clinic for testing.
Find a job

They can't take money into account if its been spent already. OP needs the means to support herself; somewhere to stay, basic necessities. I wouldn't wait for a divorce settlement to get those things in place because it isnt guaranteed sadly

Go and get your hair done, you need a break from reality for a while.

Worst case scenario, you have to dump him, that's a decision you can take when you are ready, it doesn't have to be today.

HOWEVER, you will feel stronger if you make sure your savings are protected, that you have enough money for now and that you have copies of all documentation that will help you get a fair settlement IF you divorce.

then go and see a solicitor to see what the options are

The word family being used would to me suggest its true

She's read my message but not replied.
I need proof!!!

You don't need proof. You know he's a cheat. You have no children. So get out of the marriage now, before you are trapped with kids.

You may not hear anymore if your H contacts her and promises to pay for her silence? Do you joint account?

Don’t half the bonus, take the lot

Love, is the way you are living with this man seriously the way you WANT to live?

You don't have to settle for this. You are married, kids or no kids you still have rights and you WILL get a fair settlement, then you can use it to rebuild your life, hopefully with space in it for someone who is worth it!

What a spiteful message, it was obviously designed to inflict maximum emotional distress for you.

Sounds like he's kids everywhere except with you OP.
Do you not think after 6 years that person would have moved on. I wouldn't believe a word he says, see a solicitor and divorce him for all you can get.
It seems like you missed huge red flags at the start of your relationship, so sorry you are going through this.

Wait till he gets his bonus and then divorce him. Although without proof i wouldnt be sure its true.