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Original poster

Husband no longer attracted to me due to weight loss...

104 replies

gingkofeesh · 09/09/2018 20:11

I’m struggling with round 3 of an eating disorder, 36 with DH and DS, age 3. It was triggered by stress incl dealing with DH’s burnout at work and depression, a toddler, a further round of narcissistic abuse from Mum, financial worries and my demanding job.... this morning though DH told me I look like I should be in hospital and he doesn’t feel he can have sex with someone so ‘sick’ :( I am not actually that thin according to bmi, and I think that I’ve got plenty of muscle and am actually quite chubby on the belly and thighs (I run....ran 30km this morning so not exactly about to keel over). I can’t gain any weight back- I’m aiming to lose a bit more then maintain it there. But what do I do? Can I somehow convince him that I’m well and get over this block? Is it his antidepressants as well? I’m really into him and want him, so this hurts... thank you for reading.

OP posts:
Labradoodliedoodoo · 09/09/2018 20:13

What’s your BMI

Labradoodliedoodoo · 09/09/2018 20:15

What form is your eating disorder?

30k is 21 miles, so almost a marathon

RandomMess · 09/09/2018 20:16

Sounds like you may be unrealistic about how you look...

ivykaty44 · 09/09/2018 20:17

Go & see your GP and get some decent medical advise

HirplesWithHaggis · 09/09/2018 20:17

Excessive exercise is also a symptom of anorexia. If you've been through this twice already, perhaps dh is hoping to shock you out of it. How did you get well in the past?

lovelifex4 · 09/09/2018 20:17

How much do you weigh or what size are you ?

Original poster
gingkofeesh · 09/09/2018 20:18

My bmi is 17.5, I want to drop to 17. Thanks I’d not checked the mileage yet so that’s cool to know! I did binge on cereal the night before so I was fuelled up...feel horrible about it though and my belly is aching and bloated!

OP posts:
Mustbebetween · 09/09/2018 20:18

*im chubby around the belly and thighs"

"I aim to lose a bit more then maintain"

You are in another round of eating disorder, are you absolutely sure that the above two statements aren't the illness talking?

I have a friend whose DW was severely ill with EAs and yet competed for England in a sport, being able to run that far (how regularly are you running and what do you eat to feed it??) says absolutely nothing about your health, sorry.

Maybe get a sense check from the GP before assuming DH isn't just concerned for your health and tackling it the wrong way?

SandunesAndRainclouds · 09/09/2018 20:18

I’m struggling with round 3 of an eating disorder

Can I somehow convince him I’m well

I mean this kindly and gently, but how can you be well and struggling with an eating disorder? I’ve been there myself. I don’t think you can convince him you’re well until you address the eating disorder and actually be well.

museumum · 09/09/2018 20:19

You are not healthy. Physically or mentally. Please get help.

Labradoodliedoodoo · 09/09/2018 20:19

However it is important to excersise. Most people don’t do enough which leads to many problems later in life

Usernc12 · 09/09/2018 20:19

30km is catabolic in itself.

Professional help required, methinks.

Were you previously under the care of your local services?

Mustbebetween · 09/09/2018 20:20

You have an unhealthy BMI and binging on cereal? Did you eat this morning? After?

Your response to PP who said "almost a marathon" as "cool" tends to make me think your DH is right...

astoundedgoat · 09/09/2018 20:20

17 is pretty low. My adult lowest was 19 and that was very slim. Lower than that Abd periods stop etc which is quite simply your body saying OMG EAT.

It sounds like you might be quite unwell at the moment. Do you have professional support at all?

Original poster
gingkofeesh · 09/09/2018 20:20

I wear size 6 stuff but things are kinda inflated these days. Some size 8 stuff still fine too, it depends.
Previously I removed the stress factors but that’s not going to happen here. I’m not sure what to do. I think I can manage it and maintain where I want, but DHs comment made me sad and unsure..

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 09/09/2018 20:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Loopytiles · 09/09/2018 20:22

Presumably his main aim in saying that was to encourage you to seek help for your “active” ED. Please do so.

You’ll already know that exercise can be part of it.

Original poster
gingkofeesh · 09/09/2018 20:23

Thanks for your replies. My periods stopped months ago which is fine by me, it’s a pain. I have some contact with MH services but not over this. I want DH to relax and not worry about me cos he’s got enough stress.

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 09/09/2018 20:23

Your idea of your preferred weight and “maintaining” are very likely not healthy.

Wheresthel1ght · 09/09/2018 20:24

A bmi of 17 is very low and unlikely to mean you are chubby anywhere.

I think you need to speak to a medical professional. Your husband is clearly very worried about you.

GertrudeCB · 09/09/2018 20:25

You need professional help as you are in the thrall of your ed. Your husband is right.

letsgetouttahere · 09/09/2018 20:25

I can't gain any weight back

Physically can't gain it, or mentally can't deal with gaining it?

larrygrylls · 09/09/2018 20:25

A BMI of below 17.5 is a pointer to anorexia. You are TARGETING an anorexic BMI and you are talking of feeling bloated and chubby.

Clearly, given your posts, you, at least on one level know you are not well. Running 30k is just damaging your body further.

Get proper help as soon as possible for your own and your family’s sake.

recluse · 09/09/2018 20:25

A BMI of 17.5 is very low. How tall are you gingko?

Mustbebetween · 09/09/2018 20:26

If you want him to relax, then go to the GP. I could cope with Ex DH MH issues, but I could not cope with him not dealing with them, not seeking help. It broke a 30+ yr marriage for the sake of the kids.

If you genuinely want him to be ok get a GP appointment tomorrow and engage with the help to be better.