Husband no longer attracted to me due to weight loss...

[gingkofeesh]

I’m struggling with round 3 of an eating disorder, 36 with DH and DS, age 3. It was triggered by stress incl dealing with DH’s burnout at work and depression, a toddler, a further round of narcissistic abuse from Mum, financial worries and my demanding job.... this morning though DH told me I look like I should be in hospital and he doesn’t feel he can have sex with someone so ‘sick’ :( I am not actually that thin according to bmi, and I think that I’ve got plenty of muscle and am actually quite chubby on the belly and thighs (I run....ran 30km this morning so not exactly about to keel over). I can’t gain any weight back- I’m aiming to lose a bit more then maintain it there. But what do I do? Can I somehow convince him that I’m well and get over this block? Is it his antidepressants as well? I’m really into him and want him, so this hurts... thank you for reading.

That’s a low bmi, under 18.5 is underweight really.
30km is a long way.
How much cereal is “binged”? Why do you feel horrible about it?
I think you need to see your GP. Please get help.

Please go to your GP for help: a BMI under 17.5 is indicative of anorexia in adults.

A ‘healthy’ BMI is 18.5 so you’re already below that and aiming to go lower. Do you have any professional help at the minute? I’d get some help and advice for yourself first before worrying about your dp.

You sound really quite unwell, OP.

You're sad and unsure.
That tells me it's time to accept you can't manage it yourself. Time to get some professional help.
If this is Round 3 then likely Rounds 1 and 2 may have been before your ds was born. I know you already know this - becoming Mum is the game changer. The world is different now. What you do with your body now you are someone's Mum means that you need to call on some proper help before this escalates further.
It's bad that your DH should say that rather than some other more supportive things he could have said, but your absolute driver to get this changed is your ds.

Does writing down are you see that you have a problem? You have an eating disorder. A BMI of 17, and believe you 'binged' on cereal. Your husband has a point. Are you currently seeing anyone? If not, you should be

I’m a very gentle way OP - have/are you seeing someone to help with eating disorder? Your BMI doesn’t sound very healthy, could your husband saying what he did to you be a last ditch attempt for you to speak/see someone? I’m a size 4/6 but I’m a higher BMI and in the lower percentile of where I should be weight wise but not enough to worry me yet.

Good luck op.

Your periods stopping is a dangerous sign. They are a pain sometimes yes, but it they are an essential part of being healthy.

You don’t seem to be taking this too seriously OP which makes me think you are in the grasp of your illness.
Your positive reactions to actually quite unhealthy things (period so stoppinh, BMI etc) is quite concerning and I worry about your position as a healthy role model for your DS.

A BMI of 17.5 is significantly underweight - referring to yourself as 'chubby' at that level, running marathons at that weight and wanting to lose more weight all scream that you are seriously ill. You say you love and want your dh, he may not be saying it tactfully but he probably thinks the time for tact is past - maybe he thinks he can finally shock you into getting help. Make an appointment with your GP and ask him to come with you.

Tbh op I think that he’s said something very honest to you and you need to listen.

A bmi of under 18 is underweight and you are still trying to lose weight. That’s not usual. With a bmi of 17.5 that ‘chub’ on you thighs and stomach is skin.

In your position I’d head to the gp.

I don’t think you can convince him you’re well as it doesn’t sound like you are.

Clothes size means nothing.

He may be saying it to make you realise that putting on a bit of weight is ok, not necessarily for his own benefit in finding you attractive, but for the sake of your health.

Your BMI is not ok, it's too low, and the fact that you want to lose even more weight is concerning.

Please see your GP and don't have any contact with your mother at the moment, you need to focus on getting yourself well.

I honestly think youve done this thread for a weird reason. I know and YOU know that youre quite underweight. Your husband has told you its unattractive and you know you have an eating disorder and disorded exercising too.
Im not sure what you want people to say, or whether you get off on peoples concern, but i guess i might have done similar when my ED was in full swing too

If you had a BMI of 18.5 (which is the lowest number in the healthy range) and ran lots and ate healthily/balanced, that would be fine. Why do you run? For me it’s theraputic and stress reliving. Could you consider running slightly less and doing yoga and swimming also to give a more rounded fitness routine.

Its not impressive by the way. Its obsessive.

I also would have found this thread majorly triggering a few years ago

I think you should listen to your dh who is saying you need help and need to gain weight. Being that skinny isn’t attractive because it’s not healthy. I ge that it’s convenient not to have a period but it also indicates that your body can’t ovulate etc because it is under stress due to a lack of fuel. Go see your gp tomorrow and get some help.

If you are that low weight and running a lot your knees are going to be shot. You are still in the grip of a disorder - I think your DH is trying to broach this but it is damn hard to do so tactfully. I think he has a point.

I wasn't sure what a bmi of 17 would look like on an adult so I googled it and non of the pictures I saw were of women who looked healthy.

You're very ill and your husband is scared. You need to see a doctor.

You know that you're too thin and that this behaviour isn't healthy. You've said it in your posts, in-between trying to convince yourself and us that this isn't the case. You're obviously desperately trying to get reassurance that this isn't the case because you are using the eating disorder to cope with all the things in your life that feel unmanageable. But I'm sure you also know that using an eating disorder to manage things that feel unbearable does not work. It will never work. All it does is make everything worse. Please tell whoever you're currently seeing for MH issues about what is happening.

OP, what did you want from this thread?

Agree with recluse OP about your periods. Don't think you're rationalising properly. Listen to yr dh. Visit your gp. Size 6 and 8 are tiny unless you are very short. It's not always to be objective about yourself. Please get help.

Your DH isn’t going to stop worrying about you because what you’re doing is worrying.

You don’t weigh enough and you want to weigh less.

You ran 21 miles on a bowl of cereal you ate last night?

Meant "it's not always easy to be objective about yourself "