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Original poster

Husband no longer attracted to me due to weight loss...

104 replies

gingkofeesh · 09/09/2018 20:11

I’m struggling with round 3 of an eating disorder, 36 with DH and DS, age 3. It was triggered by stress incl dealing with DH’s burnout at work and depression, a toddler, a further round of narcissistic abuse from Mum, financial worries and my demanding job.... this morning though DH told me I look like I should be in hospital and he doesn’t feel he can have sex with someone so ‘sick’ :( I am not actually that thin according to bmi, and I think that I’ve got plenty of muscle and am actually quite chubby on the belly and thighs (I run....ran 30km this morning so not exactly about to keel over). I can’t gain any weight back- I’m aiming to lose a bit more then maintain it there. But what do I do? Can I somehow convince him that I’m well and get over this block? Is it his antidepressants as well? I’m really into him and want him, so this hurts... thank you for reading.

OP posts:
Musti · 09/09/2018 20:37

Hey lovely. You may find not having periods a relief but it's not just your fertility that is suffering, it's your other organs. You're doing serious damage to yourself that may not be fixable. Please go and get some help. Your husband is on your side. He loves you and as someone who loves you is very very worried. Look at your little child who needs a healthy (and alive ) mum.

DonkeyPlease · 09/09/2018 20:38

You're extremely sick. I'm sure it's upsetting for your husband to see you looking as you do. I've been that bmi and it's pretty disturbing for loved ones to see me like that.

If you want your husband to stop worrying, how about you get yourself some treatment? Don't you think that would be the kindest thing for you to do? It's incredibly selfish for you to try to come up with ways to stay sick, please think of your family and what you're putting them through. I mean that kindly. Best wishes to you

Methe · 09/09/2018 20:38

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TomHardysNextWife · 09/09/2018 20:38

My DD has an eating disorder OP. It fucking terrifies me. As it no doubt does your DH. You have to see your GP..... as in tomorrow morning. Before you have a cardiac arrest and are a distant memory in your DC's life. It's that bad. And you know it.

Best of luck Flowers.

Shampaincharly · 09/09/2018 20:39

@gingkofeesh , your husband is right to be concerned about you.
You do need to see your GMP and get help.
Everyone on this thread is saying the same thing .
YOU do have to want to help yourself. It is very difficult.

Labradoodliedoodoo · 09/09/2018 20:41

A pre run fuel should be protein and carbs I think

greendale17 · 09/09/2018 20:41

You want a dangerously low BMI of 17
Your periods have stopped but you don’t care
You ran 30km and think it’s cool like something people do everyday

Your husband is correct. You need help

Cantrememberthistime123 · 09/09/2018 20:47

Hey, I just wanted to say that I too suffer from an eating disorder. My bmi is shocking due to lost of similar things you’ve mentioned.

I’m really sorry it’s brought you back to that place. It’s rubbish but you can get help. I know this might not work for you, the bloating feeling is awful! But when I think about my eating/feeling full etc... I actually take a full look at myself in the mirror naked, it really won’t look like you imagine it too.

You also have a young dc and they need you around! I try to remember that health is soooo important! I want to be around and be there for my dc, I want them to grow up with healthy eating habits and just be comfortable, to do that I need to set the best example.

I think you should go to your gp. I was so reluctant to go back but knew I needed help, I couldn’t do it anymore. I was so pleasantly surprised. I didn’t lie. I told him everything and broke down.

I now have a support worker who visits me every week and I’m due to see a therapist soon.

Seriously, don’t lie to yourself, ask yourself, do you really truly believe you are healthy and this is a healthy way to live? It really isn’t.

I hope you get support and help xx

colditz · 09/09/2018 20:48

You're ill, and people who won't seek treatment for illnesses are not attractive.

You Are Clinically Underweight.

Santaclarita · 09/09/2018 20:50

Your psychological issues are more of a problem here than your weight. See your GP please.

Usernc12 · 09/09/2018 20:51

So basically if you do not eat enough calories to sustain your daily activity, your brain is selfish and takes its energy from your body structure, skin, bones, hair, digestive system, etc.

That's why you're not in the shape you want and why ED destroys people.

twattymctwatterson · 09/09/2018 20:52

Your perception of yourself is completely skewed right now. You are already underweight and are planning on becoming more so, you're obsessively exercising and your periods have stopped which is a huge sign that you're unwell. The fact that you're insisting that you are well and saying you're chubby is hugely worrying and you really need professional help

Quartz2208 · 09/09/2018 20:52

Oh OP your BMI does indicate anoerexia Im afraid you cant convince him you are well because bless you you know you are in the throes of it.

Start the process by seeing your GP

Aridane · 09/09/2018 20:54

You sound very unwell indeed - please get help for your mental health Flowers

gingergenius · 09/09/2018 20:54

Your periods stopping is NOT a good thing op. Your husband is right to be worried.

twattymctwatterson · 09/09/2018 20:55

@Strippervicar either you are chatting bollocks which is totally irresponsible on a thread like this or you're not well yourself. No one looks huge with a BMI of 17.5 and you are dangerously underweight

JW1226 · 09/09/2018 20:56

@gingkofeesh 17.5 is tiny!! Unhealthy tiny! I'm a BMI of 19.5 and I look unwell I'm also very short under 5ft3. So unless your 4ft something then I'd say go to your doctors for some help xx I wish you all the best xx

Aridane · 09/09/2018 20:56

If you want to take the stress off your husband, get medical help. You KNOW you have an eating disorder - indeed, you refer to currently being in round 3

ohtheholidays · 09/09/2018 20:59

Your not well OP and I say that as someone that was anorexic for years!

The anorexia is no longer with me but the health problems it cause I will have to deal with for the rest of my life.

I was an active anorexic for 9 years,please get help before it destroys your health like it destroyed mine.

RavenLG · 09/09/2018 20:59

If your periods have stopped your body is being damaged by your ED. Please get help. I’ve also reported this thread to add a trigger warning to title as it could affect others.

Wherearemymarbles · 09/09/2018 21:03

I grew up with an anorexic sister. You speak the same (deluded) language.

If you hit a bmi of 17 your next target will be 16.5 them 16 then 15....

She used to excercise herself into the ground. A sportswoman would have been eating 3500-4000 carlories a day. My sister probably ate less than a thousand

So but You need physiatric help

FermatsTheorem · 09/09/2018 21:03

OP, I know you won't believe this, but at a BMI of 17.5 and still trying to lose weight, convinced you look chubby, running obsessively, your periods having stopped - you are ill. Normally I'm the first person to jump on husbands being shitty and body-shaming their wives, but in this instance I'm reading this as your husband being worried sick about you because you are ill, and in denial about being ill. Please seek help from mental health services about this.

(Oh, and PP with BMI of 15.9 - you're also ill and could do with getting help with your anorexia as well).

60sname · 09/09/2018 21:08

17.5 is tiny!! Unhealthy tiny! I'm a BMI of 19.5 and I look unwell I'm also very short under 5ft3. So unless your 4ft something then I'd say go to your doctors for some help

Healthy BMI (unlike dress size) doesn't vary by height as it measures the relationship between weight and height.

Aridane · 09/09/2018 21:08

stripper -that is an incredibly irresponsible post on a thread started by a poster in the grips of an eating disorder. I suspect you have /have had an eating disorder yourself

60sname · 09/09/2018 21:09

Ie 17.5 is always unhealthily thin (unlike 19.5, since the cut-off is 18.5)