Husband saying no to pet

[LaLaOrange]

I've been with my husband around 3 years. He has adult children that he doesn't have a relationship with and doesn't want more children which I'm fine with. Even though I've never wanted children, I now find myself in a strange place hitting my 40th year , pretty much mourning that I'll never be a mum and saying "goodbye" to that chapter in my life. Out of this however has been my urge to have a pet, in particular a dog. I have wanted a dog for many years having had one in the past and always missing him since but only now feel I can offer the right environment to a pet. Husband is dead against it and in the past has said he doesn't want to complete for my affection which I think is selfish. Whilst I'm happy to look after the dog on a day to day basis, all i want is some kind of assurance that should I be sick or stuck at work, he'd help out which he refuses to give and I'm now really resenting him. I'm finding it hard to reconcile the words with someone who says they'd do anything to make me happy with their actions. Any advice?

Ditch him, get a dog.

He sounds very selfish and self-centred, to be honest. His objection to a dog is that he won't be the sole focus of your affection!

Reading your post it seems to be all about what he wants/doesn’t want. Your reasons for wanting a dog are sound. A dog is important to you. If he can’t at least acknowledge that then he’s not being very fair to you and he doesn’t sound willing to compromise. Is this a one-off or is he always like this when you have differing needs?

Doesn't want to compete for your affection?

How old is he?

He sounds completely emotionally abusive from that one sentence alone.

He sounds like an idiot OP. What's he like in other areas of your life?

Hmmm... I don’t think he should have a unilateral “NO” in your relationship. It’s troubling that he thinks he does. But if you went ahead and adopted a dog, would he be kind to it? That would be my question. Can you ditch him and get the dog?

That is so sad, that you're giving up the chance to have kids for this abusive, immature cunt whose own kids can't stand him. Says it all. Ditch him, get a dog and find a sperm donor. Life is far too short to spend it with a selfish twat like this.

Good lord. Read your own post OP

Tell him you are getting a male ddog. If you have to put up with his bad habits a ddog wil be a luxury.
And def love the ddog more!!
Oh and get a kennel.
For dh.

Hang on left, she doesn’t want children.

However, dog aside (I wouldn’t end an otherwise loving relationship over this) but it sounds like there are other issues.

I usually say that ALL family member should be onboard before getting any pet but your DHs whiney “ don’t want to compete for your affection” suggests he’s a bit of a knob
Not being allowed a dog sounds like the least of your worries

Yet she's mourning never being a mum continually.

Not get a dog before you sort out your relationship. He sounds horrible. Why are you with him?

I agree, get rid of the selfish bellend, assess how you now feel about having children - it’s not too late, and get a dog. Life will be immeasurably better.

Even his own children don't want to know him. I wonder why.

I think everyone in the household needs to want to have a dog really. They are wonderful but some people aren't dog or animal people and they can be a burden or annoying etc. They are also very loyal to the primary carer and there will be competition.

It sounds like you would like a child and a dog. I'd agree - they are both brilliant. Have what you want, and lose the miserable partner.

Just for full disclosure, other reasons why he says no to a pet...

1. I suffer from depression. However this has become so manageable that I'm no longer on medication and I know a pet would be beneficial. When I split from my previous husband, having a pet gave me the reason to keep going, making sure he was clean, fed and happy and I know I could offer a rescue dog that. I feel like it's something missing from my life.
2. I earn pretty decent money in my job(not as much as him) , however it's a struggle to achieve all the goals I've been set in this demanding role so I sometimes work silly hours, but I've never had anyone /anything to prioritise this for so never put my foot down regarding hours worked. He thinks things will stay the same and I won't make time to walk or care for a dog, but I KNOW that won't be the case. I just want to look after something that's dependent on me and gives me unconditional love which is reciprocated.

Well, he is honest, even if he sounds like a dick.
Get a dog. Dogs are great.
Find out about local walkers/kennels etc if you need a back up plan. Are your friends or neighbours dog friendly? I sometimes look after my friends dog alongside mine.
Are you absolutely sure you're at peace with your decision not to have children? 'Mourning' is quite a serious statement.

Ditch the man and get a dog, you make more friends with a dog.

I'd ask yourself if you have changed your mind about having kids. People do change and maybe what you want is different to what he wants now. He isn't wrong to say he doesn't want that lifestyle but if you do then maybe you are no longer compatible. Even if you don't have kids it sounds like you want something different to him. He almost sounds like he wants to retire, while you sound like you want some sort of family. Maybe it's time for you to move on and find a way to do that.

If you work long hours you will need a walker anyway.

How will you manage a dog working full time?

How is your point 1 a reason not to have a dog ? I’m with hopping.

I think if I were him, I'd be worried that he would end up doing a lot of the care if you were unable to reorganise your priorities .

I'm slightly on the other side of the fence. DH and DS both really wanted a dog. I didn't, but gave in in the end as DS is an only and also is 12 so is able to contribute to the care. I also drew up a contract where DH has primary responsibilities and is the one to get up in the morning and arrange doggy day care and vets visits. It's still a bit of work for me - I look after DDog on my non working day and because he's still a pup can't leave him on his own for more than an hour or so just yet and equally can only take him on short walks. He is a good and lovely dog ( apart from his noxious farts) and I ensure that I do my bits of the contract, but honestly I'd be happier without him.

I don't think you can foist a dog on someone who really doesn't want one if you currently work long hours. Perhaps you could demonstrate your serious intent by getting back from work by 6 every evening for a month. Or research care which would take account emergencies without involving your DH.

I work from home 4 days a week and can get a walker/doggy daycare for 5th.

Don't get me wrong, there are many great things about our relationship and I really do love him but early on I had to decide if I really wanted children given his views. I don't think I do, I really don't see them in my future however I seem more sad recently that the choice is being taken away from me by mother nature and he does not appreciate how difficult this stage is for me at all... Its like my mind is uncontrollably gearing up for the menopause and I've tried to explain this to him but with zero empathy from him.