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Original poster

Husband saying no to pet

116 replies

LaLaOrange · 09/09/2018 18:08

I've been with my husband around 3 years. He has adult children that he doesn't have a relationship with and doesn't want more children which I'm fine with. Even though I've never wanted children, I now find myself in a strange place hitting my 40th year , pretty much mourning that I'll never be a mum and saying "goodbye" to that chapter in my life. Out of this however has been my urge to have a pet, in particular a dog. I have wanted a dog for many years having had one in the past and always missing him since but only now feel I can offer the right environment to a pet. Husband is dead against it and in the past has said he doesn't want to complete for my affection which I think is selfish. Whilst I'm happy to look after the dog on a day to day basis, all i want is some kind of assurance that should I be sick or stuck at work, he'd help out which he refuses to give and I'm now really resenting him. I'm finding it hard to reconcile the words with someone who says they'd do anything to make me happy with their actions. Any advice?

OP posts:
Musti · 09/09/2018 22:28

So he's controlling. Get a dog and ditch the husband

lowtide · 09/09/2018 22:34

FYI ops husband. You sound like a sad pathetic man. HTH

DeathBySnoring · 09/09/2018 22:35

Well that tells you everything you need to know.

DeathBySnoring · 09/09/2018 22:42

Incapable of compromising to enable his partner to achieve something she values. He has to have his way. What a dick.

He doesn't really believe he's in a partnership does he? He reckons he's the boss. Replace him with a dog OP. I doubt you'll notice much difference - apart from the dog will be much better company. And you'll be much happier!!

tabulahrasa · 09/09/2018 22:42

His reasons are weird and creepy and controlling tbh...

Not everyone is up for the responsibility of owning a dog and if it was practical things that he was objecting to I would say you do need both people agreeing to get a dog.

But those reasons? ShockConfused

Wolfiefan · 09/09/2018 22:45

Give in to you?
Letting you have your way?
So you're an errant child and he needs to control you?
He is an arse. A dog would make you happier.

Jb291 · 09/09/2018 22:52

To OP's husband. You are a controlling narcissistic twat. Nobody on this thread gives a monkeys what you think.

OP. If your husband has said he has done this to "stop you gettimg your own way" then the dog is the least of your worries. He is trying to control you and dictate to you. Neither of these things is either normal or OK. You have a right to agency over your own life. Stand your ground and if he doesn't like it then he knows where the door is.

Monstrous · 09/09/2018 22:52

I’m in the ditch the husband and get a sperm donor camp. I have a dog and a DS.
Both are way more hassle than I ever thought. Both bring way more joy than I ever thought.... and I am not a “doggy” person.
Ditch the husband

Beesandfrogsandfleas · 09/09/2018 23:02

Obviously it may not be his fault, but chukdrenyou have nothing to do with? Alarm bells no.1.
You are still of child bearing edge so no need to mourn having no children yet. In fact, why not tell him you've changed your mind about wanting a dog and now want a baby instead? See how he lies them apples.

Monday55 · 09/09/2018 23:08

You say you love him but what do you actually love about him?

He doesn't sound like a pleasant person at all. I hope you think this true because women still have babies in their 40s so it's not too late for you.

AnduinsGirl · 09/09/2018 23:13

Jesus, you have married an absolute cunt, OP. I am so sorry. PLEASE please...you already can see the kind of lunatic comments he's making - this isn't normal!!!! How DARE he?

puzzledlady · 09/09/2018 23:15

OP - get out of this marriage - he is a controlling twat. Not letting you have a pet? WTF - you are an adult. Why did you even feel the need to show him this thread? Do you feel some need to show him you have support somewhere else - that maybe you need other people to tell him he is wring, because you cannot tell him yourself (or he wont listen?)

OP - re-read your post, and your sad updates, then imagine what you would say to yourself.

To the husband - stop being such a fucking twat. You sound awful. Its a good thing youre 'not allowing' her to have children with you, i cannot imagine that being a good thing.

OP - run, and run fast.

annandale · 09/09/2018 23:25

I struggled immensely having a dog as i was working OTOH full time and doing about 95% of the dog work too. It is asking for resentment if you foist a dog on a partner who doesn't want one or who can't cope with one.

However, what is absolutely true is that you sound unhappy. And if you have a partner who sees you having something you want as a dangerous weakening of his control, i can think of at least one thing that could make you happier.

user14869556378 · 09/09/2018 23:28

Could you foster a dog first to see how it goes ? In saying that my ' foster ' is curled up with me right now 3 years later Grin

user14869556378 · 09/09/2018 23:28

Ps your husband sounds horrendous.

Singlenotsingle · 09/09/2018 23:33

Love my dog! My ndn looks after her if we go away. But you never know, he might fall in love with the dog anyway. He sounds very self centered btw!

wheresthehope · 09/09/2018 23:36

I would rather a dog then your husband OP.... trade him in and find your happiness!

Ploppymoodypants · 09/09/2018 23:45

If you get a dog and DH leaves. Don’t worry. The dog won’t mind if you get a new DH. Or just another dog. Or a cat. Dogs are great like that. They never really mind anything as long as they are included in whatever it is. All a dog asks if you is to be with you. (Oh and for some supper )

Cawfee · 09/09/2018 23:45

Wow just wow.
Get the dog. Ditch this prick. Lots of women have kids in their 40s so if you get rid of him you can do it through sperm donation. Get the dog and a baby. Don’t sacrifice your entire life for this arsehole!!!

PickAChew · 09/09/2018 23:48

He's actually just said he doesn't want to set a precedent by giving in to me and letting me have my way.

He's a fucking twunt.

Lose the man. Get 2 dogs.

Ploppymoodypants · 09/09/2018 23:50

Ooh yes you still have time to get a baby and 2 dogs or more if you wanted. And a cat 😁 and a pony...

HoveringHobbit · 09/09/2018 23:50

Any potential dog sounds much nicer than your partner.

notapizzaeater · 10/09/2018 00:10

Get rid of the DH, him not having contact with his older children is a red flag, add the rest - then 🏃‍♀️ to the hills

Lizzie48 · 10/09/2018 00:41

Your DH's reasons for not having a dog are totally petty IMO. If he was allergic to dogs, like my DH is, that would be understandable, and I would be telling you that YWBU. But from what you're saying he just doesn't want to compete for your affections with a dog??? That does sound pathetic as a reason. It's not as if you're even expecting him to help with looking after a dog if you have one.

My DH was happy to put up with me having cats (thankfully he isn't allergic to cats), because he could see that having cats was important to me. If your DH genuinely loves you, then he would actually think about your happiness as well as his own.

Haireverywhere · 10/09/2018 01:02

I don't think anyone should make a unilateral decision on a pet like a dog. It wouldn't be fair to either party. Can you compromise and register on borrow my dog as a trial?

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