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Original poster

Husband saying no to pet

116 replies

LaLaOrange · 09/09/2018 18:08

I've been with my husband around 3 years. He has adult children that he doesn't have a relationship with and doesn't want more children which I'm fine with. Even though I've never wanted children, I now find myself in a strange place hitting my 40th year , pretty much mourning that I'll never be a mum and saying "goodbye" to that chapter in my life. Out of this however has been my urge to have a pet, in particular a dog. I have wanted a dog for many years having had one in the past and always missing him since but only now feel I can offer the right environment to a pet. Husband is dead against it and in the past has said he doesn't want to complete for my affection which I think is selfish. Whilst I'm happy to look after the dog on a day to day basis, all i want is some kind of assurance that should I be sick or stuck at work, he'd help out which he refuses to give and I'm now really resenting him. I'm finding it hard to reconcile the words with someone who says they'd do anything to make me happy with their actions. Any advice?

OP posts:
Haireverywhere · 10/09/2018 01:04

(That's if you stay with him)

NarcolepticOuchMouse · 10/09/2018 01:10

Major red flag that he doesn't have a relationship with his kids. Personally I'd not have taken it further after finding that out. Ditch him and get a dog, they give better cuddles anyway. If you want to be a mother you could consider doing it alone be it sperm donation or adoption. It seems you've bypassed your own wants and desires for his being top priority, I don't see that making anyone happy tbh.

Villagelifer · 10/09/2018 05:57

Oh my God OP, he "doesn't want to set a precedent by giving in to you"?? Wow.

Are you normally treated like a child in this relationship? That's the sort of thing you'd say about someone/something you are educating/training.

I wouldn't get a dog against my DH wishes (we have a dog) but that's because we normally discuss things and compromise and I am 99.9% sure that if I really wanted something the way you want this dog he would try his best to make it happen.

I also think it's a cause for concern that your husband has no sympathy for you at this stage in you life where you feel that you have given up the possibility of having children - again not because you decided but because your husband said so.

It's husband in the dog house from me.

Cheeseplantandpickle · 10/09/2018 06:57

He’s not a nice person. Replace with a dog.

Cawfee · 10/09/2018 07:05

Why doesn’t he have a relationship with his kids? Huge red flag!

Overgrownyard · 10/09/2018 07:09

He sounds utterly vile. How can you love that? He doesn't love you OP, he owns you. Get out and be happy. With a dog, preferably.

peekyboo · 10/09/2018 07:20

Now OP has shown him this thread her hands are tied. She may as well hand him the keys to get whole life, if she trusts him this much.

OP, trust can be misplaced but once you realise that, you can make your life better.

Thatsfuckingshit · 10/09/2018 07:30

He honestly sounds like a dick.

But I also don't think you should get a dog. Start priotising your time now. Don't get a dog and then discover you don't have time for it. See if you actually can prioritise your time.

That said. You should ditch the husband. He sounds like a cunt and you know it. You say you haven't had anyone or anything worth prioritising your time for. So not even your husband?

The fact that he doesn't speak to his adult kids is worrying. Possibly days a lot about him. You don't sound convinced that you don't want kids and you don't sound convinced you want to be with him either.

SandyY2K · 10/09/2018 07:37

He's actually just said he doesn't want to set a precedent by giving in to me and letting me have my way

So you've never had your own way in this marriage? You have up having children for a man like this?

Did you ever question him not having a relationship with his children?

He's controlling and selfish and in years to come, you'll end up resenting and regretting the fact that you made the sacrifices you have for someone like him.

Is he quite a bit older than you?

Oliversmumsarmy · 10/09/2018 08:08

He's actually just said he doesn't want to set a precedent by giving in to me and letting me have my way

Run

This isn't a relationship that is going to last.

I get the impression you might not have thought about children so it was easier to convince you that you didn't want babies but it sounds like your biological Clock has kicked in.

You only get one life. I would run for the hills and get a sperm donor and a dog.

10, 20 years from now how will you look back on your life. Either
With deep regret you stayed in a loveless marriage where you aren't allowed anything you want because your husband thinks that if he gives you something you want it will mean you will expect something else.
Or with happiness because you have a houseful of children and pets.

I have met your husband's type before.
They usually end up marrying 3 or 4 times and end up on their own because they want the younger wife but don't want kids as they look on them as competition.

Eventually the wife gets a bit older and wants children. He refuses so they part and he gets some one younger and history repeats till he gets too old and the women he meets who will entertain him either have children or he considers to be too old.

I am amazed that you showed him this thread.

This runs much deeper than a discussion on wanting a dog.

Keep a few things private in future.

SandyY2K · 10/09/2018 08:20

Thinking about this...I reckon his first relationship likely failed because when the children came along he was no longer centre of attention.

Ariela · 10/09/2018 08:28

I am not a dog person, but we do have a dog. I was the out-voted one. I dislike the extra work (hoovering - dogs thqat are active create dust and shed hair, muck through from the back door etc) but I like the companionship and the walks.

So if we did not have a dog I'd be offering dog walking services to neighbours 4 days a week, and dog care by day / holiday in your home alongside the work from home job, and earn some extra money from it.

AgentJohnson · 10/09/2018 08:40

You married a selfish twat and because of that, you’ve got bigger problems than him not wanting a dog.

I very much think that a dog is a substitute for what’s missing from your relationship and It’s time to address those obvious deficiencies because a dog won’t fix them.

CrossFlannelCherry · 10/09/2018 08:46

He's actually just said he doesn't want to set a precedent by giving in to me and letting me have my way. Hmmm, have a look at your life OP. Do you get to make any decisions, such as holidays, what you do at the weekend, how your home is decorated etc? Have you read the recent 'What do women want to read on a man's dating profile?' thread? Your DP sounds scarily like that twat. Him having no contact with his adult children is very telling. Are you really able to accept your happiness is of no importance to your partner?

RabbitsAreTasty · 10/09/2018 10:13

Did he really say that about you never being allowed to make any decisions now or in the future? Really? Wow. And he's divorced you say.

Well, as long as you are a good little wifey who obeys his every command, laughs at his jokes and hangs on his every word, is available round the clock for him then you he will have a happy life. Be careful to avoid having opinions, friends or hobbies. Unless you can do them such that it has zero impact on your chains.

Is this the life you dreamed of?

Btw, like someone else said, if you are desperate for a pet, are you 100% sure your biological clock isn't ringing? Think with your own brain on that one. Not what he has told you you must think in order to keep his Lordship happy.

ItWentDownMyHeartHole · 10/09/2018 10:16

Get a dog. You’ve got the perfect set up 6 out of every 7 days and you say you’d get a walker in for the day you work outside the home. Also, you clearly need a dog. Your husband won’t understand that need at all. After all, he’s the type of person who sheds children. Good luck.

TomHardysNextWife · 10/09/2018 10:19

My DH said no to us rescuing a puppy from a FB site..... said as we had an ageing lab, one dog was enough. And started muttering about vets bills etc..... that we can easily afford.

He came home that night to find the puppy in our kitchen. I offered to pack his bags if he didn't like it Grin

Ditch the dick of a husband, love, and get yourself a dog. They're far better company and don't try to act like they rule the world Confused.

TooOldForThis67 · 10/09/2018 10:21

Monstrous - Both are way more hassle than I ever thought. Both bring way more joy than I ever thought. Totally agree with you on that!
I never wanted kids until in my late 30's and then I had fertility issues - long story short, had my son at 41. I also have a dog and cat.
OP, if something is really important to you, do it, otherwise resentment, regret and sadness will follow you the rest of your life. Your reasons for wanting a dog are far more powerful than your DH's reasons for not 'letting' you have one. I'd be questioning the whole relationship tbh.

anonymousbird · 10/09/2018 10:26

You can't force someone to get a dog, if they don't want a dog (for dog related reasons).

If it were simply that, then I would say, sorry you have to want to get a dog together.

However, his reasons are dreadful. You need to examine your relationship with this vile controlling man.

RabbitsAreTasty · 10/09/2018 10:37

How about you get the dog because you very much DO want to set a precedent?

Tell him so.

Also tell him that clearly he has had too much of your attention and so sharing will be character building for him.

Mind you, if he can't even be arsed with his own children, you know he's a heartless dick.

RiverTam · 10/09/2018 10:44

Looks like his true colours are showing, OP. He sounds selfish at best, controlling at worst. He wants you to centre him in your life at all times.

I think you need to take some time to think through your future with this man. I think the fact that he doesn’t have a relationship with his adult children says a lot. And I bet he doesn’t like the fact that you have a past.

hellsbellsmelons · 10/09/2018 10:53

Wow - does he know you are not a friggin' child.
You are an adult and make your own decisions.
He does NOT get to control your life of what you do.
He's sounds like an inadequate man-child.
Get the dog, get rid of him.
I'm serious!!

Shoxfordian · 10/09/2018 11:12

He's being quite controlling
It's ok to not want a dog but all this nonsense about competing for your affection is not ok. It's interesting he doesn't speak to his own children. Perhaps his attitude is part of the problem

ScouseQueen · 10/09/2018 11:22

Get 2 dogs

Yes, this'll be sure to get rid of him Grin He doesn't sound nice.

ItscalledaVulva · 10/09/2018 14:52

I don't like dogs and have said no to getting one, but we have two DC.

It doesn't sound like you have a lot of love in your life OP. Only you can change that.

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