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Constructive critique of a man's dating profile please.

462 replies

LondonDecorator · 06/09/2018 23:34

If it helps I'm 43.
I've been told by my ex-partner (we're still friends) to find out what women would like to see in a dating profile. We've been separated for two years but are very communicative and co-operative for the children because we both think they come first. Parents at war with each other are not acting in their kids best interests we believe that children are blessings not weapons.

I can kind of understand why women would be put off or threatened by that but having been at war with the children used as weapons by my ex-wife before this is by far the better way for us as parents to conduct ourselves.

So I'm looking for advice because honesty doesn't seem to be getting me anywhere. I've pasted my profile below and cannot stress enough that I'm not looking for a hook up here which is why I've left out the name of the site I'm on.

Feel free to edit or comment. I am looking for constructive criticism and advice not petty childish insults and abuse which seems to be the way the internet is, present company accepted. Hopefully I'm not committing romantic suicide here.

Well here goes:
*Welcome to the most honest profile you'll ever read!

I prefer messages to likes but if we have a mutual like I'll message you.

So here goes me....
I am sociable outgoing man with many varied interests who values honesty, loyalty, passion, affection and intelligence in a woman.

If you like Chas n Dave and you want to be my London Girl read on.

I'm self employed as a Decorator/ Builder. Theatre as opposed to cinema mostly, I like music, (Blues, Jazz, Rock, Metal & Classical) , dancing, food, cooking, pubs, beer, gigs, books, vintage writing instruments (fountain pens), writing, wine, cycling, museums, galleries, camping, and deep sea fishing. I also like to sing at open mic nights and occasionally Karaoke.

I'm looking for a lady who is affectionate, broadminded, passionate/ adventurous, submissive but my equal too, warmhearted, into country walks, nature plus days by the Seaside as well as all of the above who doesn't mind letting her man take the lead. A woman who considers reading together to be a romantic activity because reading is really important. Gsoh+++

A supportive sexually compatible lover and long term or life partner who is not only good for my heart but also for my soul but in the meantime let's have some fun whilst we find out if we're compatible.

Also you must like children because mine will always come first for me as yours should for you.

I plan to go travelling around Europe next year. Maybe we could both go together.

You won't change me so don't try to just love me for who I am and I'll evolve at my own pace with you.

I like dogs and dogs like me but don't have one only because I have a weird sick reflex to * from childhood, many boots have been thrown out.
I have had cats before though and would happily have one again cats are cool.

I like Marmite, Steak, Italian, Thai, Chinese, Indian, Mexican and Nando's. I'm also thinking of becoming a vegetarian except for the fish of course.

Our first meeting will be for drinks somewhere along the river it runs right through London so it's convenient for everyone. The first date will be different, a bit more off the wall, more interesting.

I'd also like to date a woman who has her own eyebrows if possible not someone who shaves them all off only to draw them back on again. I don't get it I never will.
Also those cheap tacky big hoop earrings are a massive turnoff for me.

Finally I am totally non PC and not permanently offended .*

OP posts:
YourMilkshakeIsBetterThanMine · 07/09/2018 09:41

Sorry, I'm going to critique my own post here.

it's a sign of a pathetic man unworthy of a strong woman.

Scrap that, sorry. It's the sign of a pathetic man unworthy of any woman. Or man. Or pet.

BuntyII · 07/09/2018 09:43

'Mr Grey is that really you? I thought you hated marmite.'

😂😂😂😂😂

OutPinked · 07/09/2018 09:43

That’s so bad Grin. I hope this is a joke thread...

ArsenicNLace · 07/09/2018 09:43

My first thoughts were sanctimonious controlling twat (as were my second & 3rd thoughts).

I suspect the OPs ex told him to come on here because she knows he's one of those people who always knows better and 'won't be told' so there was no point in her critiquing it!

Would love to hear the ex's take on this!

twilightsaga · 07/09/2018 09:46

It's started off not too bad then my god you went on a rant and completely lost it. Insulting peoples eyebrows. My mom lost her eyebrows through chemotherapy they never grew back. Don't be so judgemental.

lottiegarbanzo · 07/09/2018 09:48

Btw, it's a HELL NO from your first line alone - which tells me everything I need to know about you.

'Welcome to the most honest profile you'll ever read!'

That's for me to decide, isn't it.

Telling me what I think, or what I feel, gets a HATE from me. There is no bigger turn off.

That you do this in your opening line tells me that you don't understand that women are people. That we have our own thoughts, ideas, needs, wants, preferences and experiences. We are not passive recipients of your largesse, latent until you give us something to respond to, or do for you. Not just that but, would you believe, these wants, needs, ideas and experiences differ between individual women. We are actually separate, different people. Complicated huh?

If you want to know whether this is the most honest profile I've read, today, this week, ever, you will have to ask me. Then listen to the answer.

It might be the most honest profile you have ever written.

But remember, you are just another average bloke, struggling to do the best he can. That's ok. It's normal. It's what most people can relate to and what they want. Exceptions are, by definition, exceptionally rare. Superlatives, vanishingly so.

Demonstrating you have the intelligence, perceptiveness and self-awareness to recognise your own mediocrity and your desire to be liked - perhaps even that it is not within your control who does and does not like you - would be a far better way to start.

formerbabe · 07/09/2018 09:49

The eyebrows comment reminds me of those men who say they dislike women who wear lots of make up. They think this makes them sound superior because they prefer natural women and that women will see their preference as a positive thing. In actual fact, it makes them look controlling and sanctimonious.

rainingcatsanddog · 07/09/2018 09:56

I would have swiped at the"submissive but my equal" bit too. It sounds like you're a rapist who gets turned on by your victim resisting.
It's far too long. The first date bit can be discussed with the people that you get along with.
Having read the whole thing, you sound like a racist misogynist who is set in his ways. I'd be very worried if a friend was dating someone with that profile - sorry

rainingcatsanddog · 07/09/2018 10:01

I think your ex suggested posting here as she is too submissive to say that your profile is full of red flags.

mrscloppity · 07/09/2018 10:01

LOL.

FinallyHere · 07/09/2018 10:02

Cringe.

Shudder.

Haireverywhere · 07/09/2018 10:04

The bits about interests are fine.

I wouldn't like to read that he takes all the first dates to the same place, that I'll always come second, he won't compromise and may just want sex.

rainingcatsanddog · 07/09/2018 10:05

The eyebrows comment reminds me of those men who say they dislike women who wear lots of make up. They think this makes them sound superior because they prefer natural women and that women will see their preference as a positive thing.

The irony is that these "natural" women are almost always wearing makeup!

MinorRSole · 07/09/2018 10:06

I love it, I love anything that makes me feel lucky to live in Scotland and have dogs - and this fits the bill.

shirleyschmidt · 07/09/2018 10:07

It's far too long and specific. There's no need to go on a date with you, all anyone needs to know is right there! A dating profile should give a flavor of what you're about, anything you feel is very important to mention (so the children) and that's it.

The tone of the post is lighthearted in parts but the content is actually very intense and I would assume you're overbearing and demanding.

Practical advice is:

Cull all dominant language - submissive, lets me take the lead, don't try and change me, don't draw your eyebrows on. It just conjures an image of someone who is totally hard work.

Do not mention sex!!!!! Not appropriate. That's a face to face conversion, if it gets that far.

Up to the karaoke bit is all fine in my opinion. Mention the kids at that point and stop there!

LoisWilkerson1 · 07/09/2018 10:08

He has also posted on Net mums! Cheating bastardGrin

shirleyschmidt · 07/09/2018 10:10

Oh, and the thing about preferring messages to likes. It's OK but another subtly bossy sentence so don't start with that, stick it at the very end once the reader has seen the lighthearted stuff first.

LittleMissedTheSunshine · 07/09/2018 10:12

If we tell the OP to cut out all the dominant/controlling stuff, he may end up luring in some unsuspecting woman who he goes on to dominate/control.

Think I'd rather he leaves it as it is and any women reading his profile can decide for themselves. Like a natural filter.

Strange how he hasn't come back, think that says he can't take any criticism at all even though he asked for a 'critique'

Zoomzoomzoomzoom0 · 07/09/2018 10:14

Do they like him on Netmums?

w4yty · 07/09/2018 10:14

Ooooh I wonder what their replies will be! I'm so excited to read them!

See ya in 5 !

simplepimple · 07/09/2018 10:15

He has also posted on Net mums! Cheating bastard Grin

Bet the advice isn't so good LoisWilkerson1

LittleMissedTheSunshine · 07/09/2018 10:15

He didn't like the answers on mumsnet, so rather than listen to us and take the feedback on board he's just gone to another forum! Brilliant!

They don't seem to be saying anything different on there to on here.

OP have you thought that maybe it's you?

BuntyII · 07/09/2018 10:16

Netmums are far nicer than us and even they don't like you.

Urbanbeetler · 07/09/2018 10:17

Jeez, just say decent man would like to meet decent woman to be decent with whilst enjoying life together. All the rest is superfluous. Who cares if you are thinking that you might be a ‘vegetarion’ (But with fish of course) at this stage?